Hi everyone, I am in need of some really good advice...

About 2 years ago I let my sister move in with me, my husband and daiughter, into the spare room! At the time she wasn't working so pretty much sat around, made mess and ate all the food, she didn't contribute at all in any kind of way... there also didn't seem to be much respect for our privacy as once, when me and husband were argueing over something she came in and just sat with us! The tension in the air was thick and it was obvious we were argueing but she just sat there! In the end we left our house to continue to talk!! After about 6 months I asked her, which was so hard to leave, she moved back with her dad which she hated as they don't have a good relationship and she feels very unwelcome there and very unhappy!

Anyway

Since then me and my husband have separated, my sis is still living with her dad, very unhappily, she now works... we all went out the other day with other members of the family and they asked the question of 'if I have room why can't she live with me now? Its different to before' I honestly have considered it again myself as I know it would be different this time and I would set some ground rules and she would need a future plan as I wouldn't want it to be forever!

But do I let her move back in or not?? What if she lost her job? We would be back to square one again! What if she never left? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

She's your sister, she's your blood, You should help out family when they need it. If you allow her to move back in, set some ground rules for her to follow, or tell her your helping her out until she gets on her feet and finds her own place. Make it clear you want her to contribute into the house hold needs, meaning the shopping, cleaning, cooking etc... she will have to keep her job or find a new one asap to stay under your roof.

Ask her what she has in mind in terms of paying rent, buying food, doing her share of chores, keeping her area clean, providing you privacy when you need it and so on. She is not happy where she is which is unfortunate, but perhaps that's the motivation she needs to get it together and save to move out on her own, not to move from depending on her dad to depending on you.

It sounds like you don't want her in your home so you should not have her move in unless she is committed to being there as a renter, not a freeloader, and she agrees upfront to a written agreement about her responsibilities to the household.

If she balks at it, don't let her move in. I agree it's important to help family in need, but she is not homeless or desperate-family are already helping her. Sometimes the help family need is motivation to stand on their own two feet.

I think you can help your sister with lots of things, but living under the same roof.. NO

There is your daughter to consider,also what if you and your husband get back together... you never know in the future, in which case you've gone backwards.

I'd say give yourself space and time, after all you also have your own personal things to sort out.

Let your sister carry on as she is for now, I am sure she'll survive.
If she doesn't like living with her Dad, maybe there's a chance of her getting her own place being that she now works.( but for how long)

NO I wouldn't... but the decision is yours.

That's a tough one.. I really don't like that question that she asked "why can't she live with you" It sounds a bit obnoxious - as if you owe it to her.. Which you don't. She is not homeless as was mentioned before and you should be careful not to be enabling her...

Just do what feels right. Don't let her guilt you into moving in with you. She has a place to live. On the other hand - if you feel that she matured and want to give it a shot - definitely set the ground rules and may be have a trial period - a month or so..

She's your your sister so you take care of her. It's a responsibility and no one should run away from it. Set the grounds of course. Ask her to be straight in her act. But do help her if she needs help. Can't turn your back on family.

Once bitten, twice shy. She may be your sister but she has 'form'.

It's your house, you get to choose who lives with you.

Blood is not thicker than water.