Hi,

I have been going out with a guy for 4 years and I feel I know him inside out, however we broke up a couple of years ago, well he broke up with me out of the blue and couldn't give me a proper reason, he was so unsure himself why he was doing it just that he was so scared because the relationship was so serious. I think he was putting pressure on himself even though I am a really relaxed easy going girl and expected nothing from him.

I took time out from him because I was so in love with him it was painful to be in contact with him. However he kept getting in touch and although I ignored the first lot of messages from him I gradually started answering him. He wanted to meet up etc. but I kept putting it off as I was scared to get hurt. This went on for nearly a year and eventually I met him. He basically wanted me back. He had changed so much was more mature and knew for definite that it was me he wanted

So we got back together but I had plans to go to away for a year travelling which he knew about and after a lot of discussion he decided to come with me. This convinced me that he really was serious to give up everything at home just to be with me

Then after a couple of months he breaks up with me again. He had no reason again but that he wasn't sure what he wanted. I know he hadn't met anyone else and there is nothing else going on. He was so honest but so confused within himself that he doesn't know what he wants. I'm sure he still loves me. We split up and I went my own way.however homesickness started to hit home and I left to return home. The whole time we were apart he was in touch for valentines my birthday etc. saying he missed me but he let me go home and he is still there.

I'm just so heartbroken and can't find closure because I'm not sure what's going on. He is still trying to contact me now I'm home. What I can't understand why if he doesn't want me why he is staying in contact and telling me he misses me. I'm scared I have my hopes up that he will come back to me again but its killing me. Any advice?

Well it looks like he has something else on his mind. Yes he loves you but you can love somebody and not want to be with them. This reminds me of a song, where it says that the couple keeps trying to work it out because they love each other but each time they try again they just get hurt. And that's what it looks like in your case. What I would do is just tell him how you feel, ask him to make up his mind.. because all this time that he is calling you and just wanting to be friends... he is hurting you. Just talk to him about it and don't get off the phone until you figure out a good conclusion.

You can love someone and they can love you and still not be right for each other. You have given this relationship two chances and spent 4 years of your life tied to this person. IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON and find someone who is right for you. You can offer to remain friends but let him know that the romance is over, that you will not get heartbroken a third time, and then he can decide whether to continue as a friend ON YOUR TERMS or not.

Am extra thought for free!! For any relationship to work well, both parties have to be happy with themselves outside of the relationship. If both have joy in life from being in control of their hopes and dreams then a relationship can add to that joy. When the relationship is the primary source of joy for either person, it puts too much strain on the relationship and the relationship is doomed from the start. So before you enter another relationship, make sure that you are satisfied with your life and the direcction your life is headed.

Best wishes,

dwalex

Hi,
I can say hey go on with life because there are a lot of fish in the sea, but I won't because I understand where you're coming from, been there, done that... what I see is that this person might love you but there is something that is holding him back. Could it be that there is someone else that has a hold on him and she's holding something over his head to keep him and he might be a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt her or you but really wants to be with you, but that hold prevents it... Be patient and talk ask him to be honest with you and see what happens, but don't let him play you if this is the reason, it's either you or what ever the problem that keeps you apart... best of luck and let me know... God bless

Chaz

If something is right, there are no second guesses. You waited this out until now. If you have any self-respect, get rid of him. People DO NOT change and that's the truth!