I met this woman (not knowing her orientation and she's a visitor from another country for the summer) in a queer neighborhood... so I assumed she was a queer and she knew I was queer. I invited her to dinner and she agreed. We hit it off great at dinner and then we went for coffee and dessert afterwards. The next day I wrote her an email telling her that I had a great time and hope she did too. Ok... I'll try to make a long story short, at the end of the day, she wrote me that she is not a lesbian. Then I wrote to her to apologize for assuming that she was queer. She accepted my apologies and she is cool with us being friends. She and I went hiking yesterday and I don't know what it is about her that even though she said she is not a lesbian, I seem to get a sliver of flirtation while we were hiking. As I dropped her off to her house, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek (this is after I told her I was very attracted her and she told me she is not a lesbian).

So my questions are... am I reading too much into the whole situation? Is it possible for a straight girl to just "hang out" with a lesbian knowing that she is attracted to her? I was wondering if she genuinely wants to be friends or maybe bi-curious?

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hi, seriouslovefool!

I know that it's not exactly the same thing, but...

I'm a straight man and one of my best and closest friends in the whole world is a man who is gay. We've known each other for many decades - have many, many things in common about which we can share with each other. As a matter of fact, I don't know that either he or I has anyone else with whom there is so much in common.

If I were gay, I'm sure that he and I would be lovers in the physical sense of that word.

We love each other very much in other ways and tell each other that we do. We've shared the same bed many times while spending the night at each others' place. Always hug each other and have frequently given each other kisses on the cheek.

But, I'm not interested in the sort of gay intimacy that he might enjoy and he's not interested in the kind of physical intimacy that I have with women.

Our relationship does work though. It's just a common understanding that we don't feel the same way mutually in a sexual sense.

Now, concerning you and the woman, I don't have any pat answers for you. However, I would like to assume that she's been honest with you about the way that she feels. She also might be one of those persons similar to the way that I am, that enjoys sharing about things with others and being intimate in ways that maybe might ordinarily make a lot of people feel uncomfortable. Not everyone is used to or likes other people to get too close physically.

My friend has had success in having close, intimate relationships with other gay men, as have I with women. Even when we've had those relationships, it hasn't meant that we would be any less of the close kind of friends that we've been with each other. If there has been a problem, it's been because of jealousy on the part of another man with whom he might have gotten close.

If there are doubts and/or questions in your mind, and since this woman seems to be open to you regarding some kind of discussion, then I would suggest opening up dialogue with her and seeing what she says.

I wish and hope only the best for you!

Thanks!

Like Clough says, it's possible to be friends with someone of the same sex while one person is gay and the other is not. Hugging and kissing you on the cheek may be customary in her country. Where is she from?

Some people are naturally flirtatious. It doesn't mean anything to them to flirt with anyone. It is just a part of their being friendly.

She may feel the same way I do in that she doesn't care what your sexual orientation is as long as you can take 'no' for an answer should the question arise.

If she is only in town as a visitor, she may also be trying not to get involved in a 'vacation fling'. You haven't said anything about any language barriers. Could there be any misunderstandings due to a cultural difference in word usage?

If you are curious about her intentions, talk to her.

Big question, is she in a relationship 'back home'?

As has been mentioned already she may just be naturally friendly/flirty type of woman, and it possibly means nothing more to her than if she hugged a straight friend.

Try not to over see this woman's actions, if she's told you she's straight leave it at that or you may offend her and lose her friendship. JMO

I find it odd that you use the word "queer" when you are gay yourself. If I were gay or someone I love were gay.. I don't think I would want someone using that word.

I am assuming you guys are adults.
Ask her!
She may just be a friendly person. I have a friend who is gay, she knows I'm not. We have been friends for years, every once in a while, I have to put her in her place but she knows the drill.
My point is, you two are adults, ask her, or know that she is off limits and leave it at that.

Ask her, you are friends after all.

ALL women are bi-curious and just because she's not lesbian doesn't meant she's not attracted to you or at least interested. The sliver of flirtation was not an accident; actions speak louder than words.
I say, continue to hang out as a friend and she'll continue to make the moves. All you have to do is feed in and follow her lead. Patience is all you'll need.