I'm obviously not going to leave my wife who is pregnant with my child. We are both in our early 30s, living a normal healthy successful life. Both working and own our own place.

I don't really like her much. She's manipulated me to this point, controlled my life as much as she can. Talked me into marring her, talked me into the joint bank account... talked me into canceling my credit cards... talked me into letting her pay the bills. I'm easy going, "life is all good man" I had no problem going with the flow... talked me into impregnanting her.

I'm insanely unhappy... but I'm a good man, not religious in anyway... Im not leaving or fooling around on her.

So my question is what do I do for the next 50 years... I'm doing everything I can to avoid her... going to school... going to work... any oppurtunity to avoid her because every moment with her always leads to her doing something controlling.

Am I doing the right thing? By trying to stand strong through this all... fighting with her... giving in... rolling over... fighting... doing what she wants because I'm afraid... then fighting to get an ounce of something Im desiring... something for me... for once... god save me... I know I don't believe in you or pray to you... but please save me

Or big mistake?

... okay big mistake. Very unlucky me.

Did she twist your arm to do all these things? I doubt it. Yet you did them. If you didn't "like her" for heavens sake why do it .Why in the world would you want to bring a child into such an unhealthy atmosphere?

She didn't get pregnant herself.
You both need to get into some marriage counseling before this child is born.

It sounds like she saved you from yourself.

You cancelling your credit cards, and her managing the money means you aren't broke.

It is quite impossible unless you were unconscious, that you married without consent. She must be some smooth talker to trick you into getting her pregnant- did she poke holes in your condoms?

And after all this trickery, you avoid her as much as you can.

At what point do you take any responsibility for the decisions you've made, and step up, and try to make your marriage work. Bringing a child into the world, and saying it was against your will is a bit much.

I hope for the child's sake, that you figure out just what it is you want out of this life you have created with your wife.

I'm not so sure there is far more to this story than what you are saying.

Love this response!

Have you met someone else you want to be with?
I think there's more going on than you are telling us.
In your other thread you said basically the same thing.

Did you have trouble managing money? Why did you marry this woman if you hate her so much?

I think she probably saved you from yourself and has to keep doing it. I also think you may have your eye on someone else and want out.

If I'm wrong please respond. I'm sure she didn't rape you when she became pregnant? Explain if you want help.

She did nothing that you did not let her do.
Don't put all of this off on her. If you have the will and way to stay away from her now, where was it on your wedding day, when you got her pregnant?
So, have you met another woman and want to be free of your wife? Is that what this is about?
No one can do anymore to you than you allow them to do. Talk to your wife. Tell her what's on your mind. Communication, that is what is needed here. There is a baby coming. Time to get some balls.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by yakboy11

doing what she wants because I'm afraid...

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Why are you afraid?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Why are you afraid?

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Yes, what are you afraid of?

Yakboy, to answer your second question, no you are definitely NOT doing the right thing. Why are you even asking what do you do for the next 50 years? You sound like a prisoner doing time.

Why on earth would you agree to bring a child into such an unhealthy marriage. The one that will really suffer will be your baby.

You may have a controlling & difficult wife (who knows) but from what you have written here you ain't no prize either buddy boy. You appear to find joy in playing the martyr. You hide behind a mask of acceptance with your wife, living a lie on a daily basis. If you cannot find any fulfillment in your marriage, if you cannot find any love for your wife, if you are that miserable, and there is absolutely no hope of turning your feelings toward her around, do your wife and child a favor and leave. Your wife deserves to find someone who will love her for who she is, someone who wants to spend time with her. And someone who will not lie to her on a daily basis as you are doing. This is no way for either of you to live. I know I should say that you deserve to be happy too but it sounds as if you prefer a life of misery so suit yourself. Just be miserable alone and release that woman from her vows to you. You aren't upholding yours to her.

You sound like "Oh poor me, my wife is so mean". What actions have you made to try and get a backbone.

Talking to her might be nice and I'll bet you haven't really tried.

Yakboy11,

Why are you even asking this question?

Have you told your wife how much you appreciate her efforts? Have you ever thanked her?

You are married, not casual friends. There is no strict division of labor so to speak. While she is doing all this stuff for you, you are free to do other things.

Again I say, "Hug" her and tell her all her efforts are appreciated.

I speak to you from experience, one day you were single (at least I think its called single). The next day you wake up to find that you are married for 45 years to the best person in the world. She's borne your children. Cared for you your entire married life and if you are like me, realized that the reason the last 45 yrs. Went by so fast is that she made you feel cared for, supported, safe and the list goes on.

Don't look for time away from her. Find or make time to be with her. THIS IS YOUR FAMILY, LOVE IT.

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Quoting Yakboy from his other post,
Well a lot of us out there are good people. I'm not religious or anything. But I am a good man.. .

A tad modest, a bit much, at times. Hence, why I ended up with a control freak wife who is now pregnant with my child.

And just for the record control freak is a very harsh term. But... seems appropriate for us victims because of the amount of resentment for our parents we tend to bare causes us to think of them in this pent up way.

Let me just say that as good people... some of us. We do not wish to leave our spouse, or fight with our spouse, or cheat on our spouse. Not because we LOVE them. Nope love went out the door years ago. But because we are morally sound, and would not do that to another human being. We are passive people... Hence why we are so easily the victim to these woman or men.

But sadly the only light in our tunnel is the strength to weather the storm and fight... because we have no choice... Put up with you spouses bull and do what you want.. Stand your ground, it is the only way. Be strong. I am strong. And I will stand strong for the next 50 years and bare this burden upon me like a man. Nothing will break me, for I will stare down the wraith of my curse in the face, and say "Sorry honey, I'm gonna play a video game for 30 minutes now that my day is done and I'm tired. I'd like to relax. No I do not want to lie next to you in bed and stare at the ceiling while you read your book."

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Stop thinking like a victim, and act like a partner, and show that strength, and moral character you TALK about, so you can do what your supposed to do, and enjoy it. Sorry guy, I am not buying, or going along with you being her victim, as she probably does the best for you both, and your family. I imagine and know for a fact she probably has to put up with a lot of your non-religious, self righteous bull also to get things done. You have much baggage to unpack from your past, and much responsibility to take for your own actions. It never helps to think that you have to be a victim because of your parents when you could have taken control of your own life anytime after you grew up.

So stop the blame game and justifying your own passive ways, and help your wife bring your child into this world, and leave that victim mentality alone as its stopping you from being a responsible example for those that will depend on you for guidance.

You sound like someone who does not like himself and you are blaming your wife for it.
Are you going to teach this sick mess to your child or is this child going to be another person for you to blame?

Get some counseling so that you can be a better husband and father, or leave. Nobody wants to be married to a martyr. It gets old.

If you say that you are miserable, then I believe you.

Before I got married to an ANGEL, I was in a two year, live together relationship. She was from the west coast, and came to live here, in the South. There was the culture shock and all that goes along with it. At first things were OK. But after only a couple of months, she became very controlling. We argued, a lot. I am a passive person by nature, and found myself constantly compromising my opinions, decisions, likes and dislikes, for her. She got very violent when she drank, and she drank a lot. I've never raised my hand to a woman, EVER. But with this girl, I had to take being hit, slapped, and bitten. Yes, bitten. If I disagreed with her on anything, she tried to make me feel guilty, and I caved. EVERY time. I was in hell.

She actually wanted to get married, I said no. She wanted me to impregnate her, again I said no.

You see, life is too short to be constantly trying to keep the peace, and to be compromising your very soul for someone to whom you are not even compatible with.

I have to ask, why did you let it progress this far? Why now, when she needs you the most?

For you to be comtemplating leaving a pregnant woman, makes you seem like the bad guy.

The decision is all yours, and I won't be the one to tell you to leave her with your child.

BUT, how much are you willing to take? How much is SHE willing to do to make it work, for all THREE of you?

For the past 11 years, since I've been married, with two sons, I've been blissfully happy. I mean die- with-a-smile-on-my-face happy.

All because I could see the future that I was headed for.

The future is what you make of it.

Make the changes. I mean counseling, and go about your life. Sit down and talk to your wife and let her know how you REALLY feel.

You've painted yourself into a corner, and now you're blaming the brush.

Good luck.