Ask Me Help Desk - Do I forgive him or not?

Do I forgive him or not?

I'm a swimmer and December last year I liked this guy from a different club. We started texting. At the next comp I didn't speak to him, I felt too nervous. I wasn't swimming in the last session but I decided to stay anyway to see if there was something going to happen. My friends, trying to help me, went up to him and said "soooo you like our friend then?" and he said "F*** off and said i don't like her like that i was just being polite so just f*** off ok?." my friends came and told me about it and I was really hurt. My friend text him and said "you really hurt her you know."and he said he didn't care and never did. I text him and asked what was going on and he said his girlfriend didn't like him texting me so much. I thought OK well that's understandable but it doesn't really give you any reason to swear at my friends.
I few days later I found out that he didn't actually have a girlfriend.

One of his friends (a girl who also swims) and I got talking and she mentioned him and I went quiet. She asked what happened and I told her. She said she didn't think he would do something like that intentionally and that she would speak to him. She did and she said what would you say to being friends with her and forgetting everything that's happened, he said OK I'm up for it. I told my friends about it and they said 'you know how hurt you were, he changed you and we lost the real you for nearly 2 months.'

I thought I'd never forgive him for what he did but I find now I don't really blame him. My friend who's also his friend says me and him could be quite good friends but my other friends say that they can never forgive him and they don't see why I would.

Do I forgive him and become friends with him or do I just keep things the way they are?

Leave him alone and he's the one who needs to apologize.

"To err is human, to forgive divine." - Alexander Pope

Dear Needssomehelpplease,

I am sorry you were hurt by this boy. No human being should treat another in such a manner as he treated you and your friends. In forgiving him, you also help to heal yourself. But this decision needs to be yours solely, not your friends. Look into your heart for the answer.

Now with that said, this boy's actions are testament to his character. One thing is forgiving him, but becoming friends with him is a whole other matter. There is nothing wrong with maintaining a courteous and polite demeanor with the boy. But friendships take time and arise from getting to know someone. Friends are not hostile toward one another. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

You can forgive him but you don't have to give him the opportunity to be rude to your face.
Why would you even want to be friends with someone like that?

How old is he and how old are you?

He's rude and apparently thinks he's "THE MAN". Don't worry one more minute about him. His language would have been enough to turn me off.

Dear Needssomehelpplease,

Just wanted to follow up with you on this. How is it going at the swim meets, with this boy?

Um. I saw him once, not long ago at a meet but I didn't speak to him. I didn't see him that much as we were both swimming quite a lot. He's a really good swimmer so is too fast for a lot of meets

I'm 13 in a very little while and he's not long 14.
There's just over a year between us but in swimming everyone's friends with people of different ages because the age groups are 8-9, 10-11, 12-13, 14-15 and 16+.

I don't understand why you sweet innocent girls are so quick to not only let undeserving vermin like this back into your lives to screw it up more, but you take the blame for what these selfish excuses for men do to you.

Don't ever let anybody treat you like anything less than you are and that is a young lady. You deserve respect and attention and common decent treatment afforded to strangers.

If you receive anything less break it off, turn your back and walk away.

You did absolutely nothing but try to show interest and he was to. Then he is crude insulting and vulgar to you and your friends.
That should have been the last time you talked to him.

It is always easier to say something than do it, but try to be a little like this. You deserve better people in your life,
\
I wish you the wisdom to see evil and the strength to fight it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

I don't understand why you sweet innocent girls are so quick to not only let undeserving vermin like this back into your lives to screw it up more, but you take the blame for what these selfish excuses for men do to you.

Don't ever let anybody treat you like anything less than you are and that is a young lady. You deserve respect and attention and common decent treatment afforded to strangers.

If you receive anything less break it off, turn your back and walk away.

You did absolutely nothing but try to show interest and he was to. Then he is crude insulting and vulgar to you and your friends.
That should have been the last time you talked to him.

It is always easier to say something than do it, but try to be a little like this. You deserve better people in your life,
\
I wish you the wisdom to see evil and the strength to fight it.

Martinizing2... You said it all. And you said it very eloquently. Listen to him.take his advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Martinizing2...You said it all. And you said it very eloquently. Listen to him.take his advice.

Thank you. Is my avatar blushing?

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

Thank you. Is my avatar blushing?

You always give good advice. Your avatar isn't blushing... Wait... yeah a little.:)

I hope the op takes the advice. She does NOT need a foul mouthed boy in her life!