Sorry for the topic being so blunt but that just about sums it up.

We have been together for a little over 9 months now, I'm 21 and she is 19.


A little back ground...

-We both still live at home with our parents and live about an hours apart from each other so that right there limits are "alone" with one another to about 1-2 times a month.

-We have talked about it with one another many times and we DO want to be each others first.

On two the problem...

At first we were both pretty nervous, it took at least 4-5 different times for me to be able to stay hard enough to get the condom on and try to enter. Now that I am able to do that, I am having trouble getting in. We always do at least 45mins or more of foreplay before even try to, so we are both very turned on. Its just that she is well... to tight, which I know is not a bad thing but I can not get inside. And I'm not exactly Small myself so that adds to it a bit. We have tried 2 different potions with no luck. Taking with her about, she has told me she really wants to, as I do too but she thinks that it is all her fault because we can't which I tell her its not but she still feels really bad about it still. She knows and has told me that she is tense and try's to relax but so far she has not been able to enough.


Any help? Or tips?

Thanks :o

Are you sure you're getting the right hole?

Is she a virgin? Are you hitting too high? Has she seen a oby/gyn?

Take some time with foreplay... get her relaxed... use lube.

Try to use your finger... first one... then when comfortable, two.

If all else fails, she will need to see an ob-gyn to see if everything is functional.

I have to agree. The vaginal muscles will loosen up. I am thinking that maybe her being nervous has a bit to do with it.

Where are you attempting to have sex? Location and the possibility of being heard or discovered in the act could have a huge impact on her relaxing.

It sounds like you are concentrating on her body and not her mind. Arousal for a female is getting her mind into the act. Touching and feeling are only a part of getting in the mood. Letting go of concerns and distractions are another part. Anticipate being together while you do something like go to a movie or go for a long walk. Glances, looks, caresses, quick kisses, etc. all build up the level of arousal.

A lot of women have a fear of pain and tearing of the hymen that cause them to clamp down. It may not even be a conscious fear. Fear of pregnancy can also lead to a tightening of the muscles.

Find a location such as a motel where you can spend time learning each others bodies and just relaxing together.

Fingers and toys can help loosen up the opening, but be careful not to go too fast. The skin can tear and I don't think she is into pain as a turn on.

Most of all don't rush it. Arousal takes time and the more worries and distractions there are the longer it takes.

Grr... looks like my answer was cut off using the Reply boxes...

CravenMorhead-

Yes she is a virgin along with me.

I am sure I'm in the right spot too, I can get in about an 1 maybe a little more then that's it.

No, she has not yet seen a oby/gyn.

Cat1864-

-Every time we do try, it is a hotel. So I don't think that is it, as far as her not being able to relax due to someone hearing us.

I know that I am in her mind, at least somewhat as I do give her those little glances , looks, quick kisses, caresses, and many other things that she loves me to do to her. I have been able to give her multiple orgasms by fingering.

What you said about her with the fear of pain and camping down I think might be just it. Because when we do try I stop because of her telling me it hurts too much, and the last thing I want to do is make it painful for her. I have tired using my fingers and I can get 1 in moving slowly back and forth and I can tell it is very tight then not so much the deeper it go.

I would suggest her going to a oby/gyn. Make sure everything is working right. I am almost thinking that you might not be hitting the right place, but better to have a doctor figure that out because I am not close nor qualified to stick my finger in her.

Relaxing is a big thing. If you've tried a few times already, with no success, her mind is stuck in "this isn't going to work" which makes things worse.

Sneezy's suggestion is good. Start with something smaller, your finger, work your way up from there.

This could be something medical, so a trip to the doctor is a great idea, besides, if you're planning on being sexually active, ask for birth control pills while she's there. :)

If it's not medical, physical, then it's mental, and patience, starting slow, starting small, is the way to go.

On a side note. Foreplay is great, love it, and it's definitely important, but, just because the foreplay is working for you, doesn't mean it's working for her.

Communication is key. I know you're both virgins, so likes and dislikes aren't really something you can express, because you don't yet know what you like and don't like, but exploring, letting each other know what works, what doesn't, will get you there eventually.

Don't over think things. It will happen eventually. I had a friend whose girlfriend was so tight that it took 6 months of trying before they actually completed the act. They made it, and you will too. :)

First of course you don't use the response box or rating box to answer, you are suppose to answer your own question to add more info.

If you are not at a place to enjoy it, then don't try, if you are worried about someone hearing it, you don't need to be doing it either

Have you tried it with her on top? If everything is well lubricated and she is in control of how much and how fast penetration occurs that might help.

Breaking the hymen can be quite painful. If she is reminded that it will only hurt the first time that may help her relax.

Do you give each other orgasms without penetration? Usually, after an orgasm or two, a woman is wanting penetration. Before that point, at least for me, penetration is all for the guy. And being the sexual being that a boyfriend wants is great... Unless it hurts.

On top would definitely give her more control. For the first time, being on bottom (for a girl) feels a bit awkward, more like a vaginal exam then a passionate encounter. ;)

Altenweg-

I know the last time we tried it and was able to make it happen, she got pretty upset about it. So with what you said and is stuck in her mind that it is not going to work, could be part of the problem. She is also planing on seeing the doctor, & getting birth control, her only reason for waiting is she wanted us to be able too first, she would be a little more comfortable with a doctor going down there then. Thanks for the suggestions and help!

Fr chuck-

I did not know that about the reply box, I'll use the answer box from now one.

simoneaugie-

We have tried it with her on top once, she tried for about a min and then stopped because she said it was to painful. We have also given each other orgasms many times together with out penetration, most times she has given me two in the same night, and I have been able to give her one at least once every time since we started. After and even before she orgasms, she tells me she wants to so bad and wants it really bad. So I know she wants to do it, as I do to. And as it is both are first time, we want it to be special with one another, but after 3 or so times of trying it is getting a little frustrating

Thanks again for the help!

MNGuy, how would you feel about accompanying your GF to the Gynocologist's office? It really is no biggie. A lot of men go with their SO. I am not suggesting you go into the exam room with her but I think it might benefit you both to have a consult with the doctor in his office. She should go for the exam and then, when she is through, the doctor can speak to you both in his office. I think it would be a very good idea for you both to discuss the issues you are having with him/her. The doctor most likely has seen it all and will probably be able to give you some guidance & suggestions specific to all the outcomes that you are experiencing with each attempt. If you are really too squeamish about it, I suggest you both go to a local Barnes & Noble, or whatever bookstore is near you and take a look in the adult sexuality section. Look for some beginner's guidebooks that you both can read together. They really do exist and there isn't any shame in doing your research. You love this girl, she loves you, and if you both wind up getting married, this can only help you in the long run. You may want to do an internet search for some titles beforehand. Try typing in " beginner's guide to sex" and see what pops up (no pun intended. Okay, maybe a little one. ;) )

^^ I really don't have a problem at all going with, I'll talk to her about it and see how she feels with me going with. I will maybe check out the book thing too with her.


Thanks again for the help/tips!

In some ways you're lucky you haven't yet penetrated her, I have a friend who when her b/f was inside her she froze on him and he couldn't get back out they were like that for over 3 hours and had to go to the hospital to get separated. Poor Man was in complete agony.

This is seriously true there is a name for it too, so I would suggest your g/f goes along and has a word with her doctor about this, its possibly a lot to do with being nervous, but could be something, curable with muscle relaxant drugs or hypnosis.

My own partner used to have problems when we were first together, it often took extra lubricants and plenty of clitoral stimulation before he coud get inside enough for full intercourse. Do you give her oral sex? That could help.

You do need to ensure she's sufficiently lubricated though before attempting penetration or you'll always find it difficult to get inside her. I think she is not fully relaxed.

Hope this helps.