Ask Me Help Desk - How do I handle my ex and my best friend getting together

My issue may seem complicated but I am sure that many have gone through this based on the links I received from my search engine. So here goes:

I dated my ex for 6 years and devoted my love time and trust only to be treated as though I were worthless. Easch time I tried to break it off he came back pursuing me endlessly. One of the main reasons I had such a hard time was because our best friends kept us together. Sounds weird? Yeah I know I still can't explain it myself. However my best friend and His so called "best friend" were married with kids, etc. and our friends moved to his home country. So here we are alone for the first time. Well I finally had the ability to break it up and move on or so I thought. We spoke sometimes on the phone and saw each other from time to time through other mutual friends but for the most part we were living separate lives and it was OK. I really thought I was over everything and had even dated some other guys nothing serious though. Then all of a sudden my best firend comes back to the states to visit and since she knew him we wound up at my ex-boyfriends house. Everything was fine and I thought wow maybe I can be friends with him. Well we drank some, talked and listened to music and then realized it was very late so my best friend and I decided to stay the night so nobody would get a DUI. Well I fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night and caught my best friend and my ex having sex. Of course I was mortified and distraught. I kept their secret since she is still married to his so called "best friend" and because they have kids I thought it would mess up their lives and did not say anything. Fast forward one year later. My best friend comes back and starts hanging with my ex and tells me nothing is happening between the two of them etc.. Today we all went to a mutual friends house for a pool party and she tells me she has decided to leave her husband and my ex proceeds to tell me that he is going to get with my best friend and the way they were with each other, him making sure she had wine and taking pictures with each other like a loving couple I believe it. I left immediately after this thanking the hosts saying goodbye to all the kids and being as polite as possible to the other people there. Now all I want is to die inside. This is all insane but it hurts because he treated me like I was nothing after I gave him six years of my life and loved him so much, it hurt to see him treating another woman better then he treated me even though we have not been together for a year its just too much. I am at a crossroad here becaue I love my best friend and I just feel betray like I did last year when I caught the two of them. They are acting like I am being ridiculous but if I am how come I feel sick inside? I don't really know what I am asking but I just need to hear what other people with a clear mind think of this. Any advice is appreciated.

The first time you caught them together you should have left.

Why would you want someone who treated you so badly?

Think of how her husband is going to feel. These two are not only despicable they are immoral.

Stay away from him and her. They deserve each other. You shouldn't shed another tear over either of them.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Sounds like a very complicated situation.

Sometimes when you love hard you can hate even harder, sometimes you still feel the jealousy, the reason why you may feel sick inside.

My question to you is this, why are you giving him power over you by holding on to these feelings for him, even though you say you are over him you are not because your still weirded out about him being with someone else even your best friend.

By holding on to these feelings inside he will have power over you and it can cause you to loose your best friend over it. This is easier said than done I know, but you must try, wish them both well. He may have changed, in that he doesn't put your friend down like he did with you.

This is an unresolved emotion in you because you still are stewing over him acting that way with you. Who cares about what others think of you, it only matters what you think of yourself.

I hope that this helps

Quote:

Originally Posted by wbfroggie

Sounds like a very complicated situation.

Sometimes when you love hard you can hate even harder, sometimes you still feel the jealousy, the reason why you may feel sick inside.

My question to you is this, why are you giving him power over you by holding on to these feelings for him, even though you say you are over him you are not because your still weirded out about him being with someone else even your best friend.

By holding on to these feelings inside he will have power over you and it can cause you to loose your best friend over it. This is easier said than done I know, but you must try, wish them both well. He may have changed, in that he doesn't put your friend down like he did with you.

This is an unresolved emotion in you because you still are stewing over him acting that way with you. Who cares about what others think of you, it only matters what you think of yourself.

I hope that this helps

I disagree about wishing them both well, that is impossible to do. You need to tell them both how you feel if you get the chance. She's not a true friend if she could make you hurt this way. If you happen to see them together and they approach you, tell them in no uncertain terms to leave you alone.

That is fine to disagree with me, I only meant that to show them that she is the better person by wishing them well, because they obviously deserve each other for the things that they have done.

You have put them both on a pedestal that they do NOT deserve and now you are disillusioned, so its obvious you need friends with a higher moral value than these smile in your face liars and cheaters.

A better class of friends.