My Boyfriend and I have been together for about ten months now. We are considerably close for the short amount of time it has been. We also just moved into a house together about two months ago. I found A paper in his car about 4 months ago. It had her home address! Cell number home number and email address written on it(in her handwriting.. not his). The thing is he just bought this car a month before I found it. It was just laying under the passenger seat. When I confronted him about him he said he had no idea where it came from. He said it was probably his brothers considering his brother it some what of a man whore. I called his brother on day to ask him if he wanted his number back. Confused he said it was not his. I went back to my BF and told him that it was not his brothers number, I asked if he would just be honest wit me and I wouldn't be mad I even gave him a few excuses to use like maybe it was business. He still denied. (unfortunately,prior to my finding my BF told me the his motto was Deny Deny Deny). It only raised the unstable feeling in my gut. He said it could be his mothers. I found out it was not. He then said the only possibilities were it was a his brothers b his mothers c it was in the car before he bought it. I almost settled with "c" because I did not and still do not want to believe he could be lying to me. Then I remembered about a week before I found the number we had went out to the bar and he lost his debit card. We I searched his car High and low 3 times between every crack and it every compartment to find that damn card. (the card was at the gas station) So I know that paper was not in there. When I brought that to his attention he became extremely angry and super defensive. Made me feel like the bad guy. He told me to just drop it he didn't know where it came from and that was that. The paper had been torn from some thick sheet of paper almost like sketch paper it had a coffee(looking) stain in the corner. I told him it was ironic because he handles coffee every day at work. He looked at me like I was crazy and I believe told me I was Crazy. But then a couple days after I was getting something out of the center counsel and found another piece of paper with the same stain. I don't know what to do or what to believe my Gut is telling me something is wrong although I have tried to forget it, its always in the back of my head.
Is he lying to me?
I can't get him to admit it. But if it's not his, He can't admit it.
What should I do?
Something else happened where he lied to me. When I found out for sure I asked him why he lied. He actually covered a lie with a lie. He told me it was because when we first started hanging out I told him I hate liars. And that I would leave a man immediately for telling me lies, and he was afraid that if I had found out I would leave him right then and there. I have tried to reassure him that if he would just be honest with me it would be OK and we could work it out. But nothing is working!! I don't know what to do! If I could I would just forget about it and move on.

If he denys it,there is nothing more you can do,playing sherlock holmes won't win you any favours in your relationship.

Either believe him and drop it,or don't believe him,and end it.

No trust,no relationship.

If you want to pursue it,and I don't recommend you do,you could just call the number and ask the girl directly,see what she has to say.

But that behaviour will end your relationship as quick as you like.

If you don't believe him,walk away.

It's hard to say if he is lying or not, but based on what you are saying, I wouldn't believe him and it might be worth cutting your losses if you cannot trust him. A healthy relationship is built on trust.

What really stands out to me, is when you provided evidence against his case of "it was in the car when I bought it", and he "he became extremely angry and super defensive. Made me feel like the bad guy." This is a telltale sign of someone who is lying, or just has some psychological issues.

It's really your decision, do you trust him enough to stay with him and believe him? If you don't and your still having doubts, and he isn't willing to work with you on those doubts, it might be time to consider cutting your losses.

I think you are getting a good preview of his true character, and what life would be with this fellow, and know it's a real big red flag when you tell someone what you want (honesty, truth), and they give you just the opposite (denial in the face of facts, and lies on top of lies).

No trust=no relationship. I guess its you in denial, as you have enough facts to make a better decision than, the one you made when you moved in with this stranger, after only a few (8) months of knowing him.

Time to rethink your decisions, and correct YOUR mistakes, because I doubt he changes.

How long has he been a liar?

Did you know he was a liar before you moved in with him?

If he is always lying then you need to decide whether you can stay with someone that you can never determine when he is telling the truth.

Trust is the very foundation of any long lasting relationship. Once trust is out the window it is nearly impossible to regain it. If there is no trust in a relationship it is doomed to fail at some point in time.

Red, I have to spread the rep. I fully agree that without trust the relationship can exist.

uncertain_Chick, I just read your question in Adult Sexuality. I think you already know there is more wrong in the relationship than the contact information of another woman and a (maybe) lie.

Communication and trust are two extremely big issues I see in what you have posted so far in both threads.

I hope the best for both of you but I am afraid it won't be as a couple unless you learn to communicate and work together (again, if you did before). I sincerely hope he is more willing to put in the hard work necessary than it seems from your posts.

Good luck.

Perhaps there is some innocent explanation for the piece of paper maybe a friend of his dropped it in the car. Regardless of this though you've moved in with him far too soon, you can hardly know him or much about him after what 8months. If you don't trust him now then you'll never trust him, and that's not the way for a relationship to work or even to begin working.

You have to decide what you want to do, the advisers here can offer you their opinions, but the bottom line is you live your life and you know your b/f better than we do, so its really up to you what you decide to do, either you believe him and let it go, or you move out and on with your life. I admit though in your playing sherlock it would seem from that alone you don't trust him, and now you'll have to decide do you stick with this relationship or not. Only you can make that choice.

You can use the advice offered on this site to help you with that decision but ultimately its down to what you decide you want to do. It doesn't look too good for your boyfriend, and if you stick with him are you going to be questioning his every move, if you are it'll end up driving you to distraction.

Think it over add up the pros and cons and then make a decision. I hope you choose wisely. Good Luck...

This link might help you
Trust issues

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Originally Posted by uncertain_Chick

I asked if he would just be honest wit me and I wouldn't be mad I even gave him a few excuses to use like maybe it was business. He still denied. (unfortunately,prior to my finding my BF told me the his motto was Deny Deny Deny).

Is he lying to me?
I can't get him to admit it. But if it's not his, He can't admit it.
What should I do?
something else happened where he lied to me. When I found out for sure I asked him why he lied. He actually covered a lie with a lie. He told me it was because when we first started hanging out I told him I hate liars. And that I would leave a man immediately for telling me lies, and he was afraid that if I had found out I would leave him right then and there. I have tried to reassure him that if he would just be honest with me it would be ok and we could work it out. But nothing is working!!! I don't know what to do!! If I could I would just forget about it and move on.

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I pulled out the above from what you have written because it goes to the crux of the problem. Whether anyone else here believes he is lying about that piece of paper doesn't really matter. YOU don't believe him. So, it comes down to whether you can continue to live the way you are living or not. Are you fighting with him all the time over this? Do you think you can completely let go of your distrust or will you always be questioning him when something unexpected occurs? Do you enjoy living life with someone that you believe lies to you?

Both redhed35 and talaniman wrote: "No trust=no relationship." That is a fact. You cannot build a solid & healthy relationship without trust. If you can't move past your trust issues, you will continue to be plagued with doubt and insecurity. Not a pleasant way to live one's life In my opinion.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

if he denys it,there is nothing more you can do,playing sherlock holmes wont win you any favours in your relationship.

either believe him and drop it,or dont believe him,and end it.

no trust,no relationship.

if you want to persue it,and i dont recommend you do,you could just call the number and ask the girl directly,see what she has to say.

but that behaviour will end your relationship as quick as you like.

if you dont believe him,walk away.

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Oh lol I meant to agree not disagree HAHA

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Originally Posted by uncertain_Chick

oh lol I meant to agree not disagree HAHA

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Your all right,I just was curious why you disagreed.

I agree with everyone. I love him to death I really want to work past my insecurities. It's just,am I being insecure? Or Am I right lol its such a tough thing to go through. It one of those when its good its incredible when its bad its hell relationships. Ever since I brought the paper up to him we had a fight and that was pretty much it. I haven't brought it up again. He has no idea its in the back of my head. It's just.. The only people (that I know of/that he told me about) that had been in his new car was his mother and brother and of course myself. If I ruled out the other two people... ya know. It's not like it just appeared under the seat. It had to be brought in his car somehow. I think I'm just stuck on it because it has no reasonable explanation whatsoever.

There is a reasonable explanation,you just don't know what it is,someone is lying,someone is covering up.

Its up to you whether you decide to forget it or push for the truth.

A piece of paper has become like a poison in your relationship,and its going to become completely toxic if its not put to bed and all are happy with an explanation.

I'm curious as how he can just forget it,it that was me I would want to know exactly how it came into my car,not for the trust issue in the relationship but to clear my name.

If I was innocent and it was affecting my relationship,I would make damn sure to find out exactly who put it there,if however I was not so innocent,well,what would you do?

Try and cover it up,start a row over it,for me I would think,'there in something rotten in the state of Denmark'

I would be insecure to had I found what you did, and got no explanation, or reassurance. How could it not be any thoughts in the back of your head as to what's really going on.

I am big on paying attention to red flags and you have a few. The bigger one that looms ahead is how you deal with it. If you are afraid to express yourself honestly to him, and work together on a resolution, then you will find yourself never trusting him.

Quite the dilemma for you both, as its so early into this relationship, and maybe you jumped a bit to fast with a stranger, but it seems you have skipped the "enjoy getting to know each other" part and have a real glitch on your hands.

I think as you process what you have by paying attention, get more facts, and make a reasonable decision based on the those facts, you may be better able to re-evaluate your situation.

Hopefully a path to a good solution may appear.