I have been going out with my girlfriend for 6 months now. She is 25 and I am 29. A couple of days ago me and he decided to go out of town for the 4th of July. She wanted to stay in a hotel room while I stayed with relatives for which I have no problem with at all. On July 3rd my girlfriend called me in the morning to tell me that she could not go because he mom would not let her. I was so mad about this that I hung up on her. I was able to talk to her later about it somewhat but she seems like she should listen to her mom.

My girlfriend is hispanic as I am white. I realize that hispanics are strict with their children but this is the USA! We have gone out of town a few times before this and her mom has never had a problem before. Her excuse was that we go out of town too much. Why does it matter to her mother why we go out of town?

My girlfriend has a sister who is NOT MARRIED and is living with a guy and has two kids. Her brother is 20 yrs old and is living with a 17 yr old. What's THE DIFFERENCE?

What should I do? Should I tell her that this has got to stop or what?

Your girlfriend is going to respect her mothers wishes,she loves her and wants her approvel,it does not matter what age she is,that's just the way it is.

It does not matter what country she is in,that is her belief and culture,putting her in a position where she has to go against her mother or choose,well,you'll lose.

Having a tantrum on the phone because your plans were interuped is not a very adult way to deal with a problem,you won't win any favours with her or her mother.

Her brother and sister are already out of the house and maybe that caused a lot of fights within the family and she does not want that again.

Its only been 6 months,take your time and get to know her and her culture a little better it may help you understand her mothers motives a little better and you will have a better relationship.

There was no tantrum at all. Like I said this is America.

my point is,how you dealt with it.

I can understand that you were upset your plans were exed,but it was your reaction.( hanging up on her)

did you take into account her position?

plans with you, and her mother asking her to stay?

talk to her and try and find a compromise,it does not matter what seed,creed or country you come from, relationships are the same all over and communication,respect and honesty are core values.

She wants me to talk to her parents about the situation. I am going to tell them in a nice way how I feel. I will also tell them that I will make sure we have nothing but fun and everything will be OK. We don't always have to spend the night or sta

That sounds like a good idea,keep in mind they may need a lot of reasurance.

Ask your girlfriend about a gift you could bring as a token of respect for them,the parents liking you will go a long way to help make the relationship easier.

Try not to get confrontational if they don't like what you have got to say,with post analysis when your gone,you want them to say,well,OK,he was respectful,we may not like him,but we will give him a chance.

They may adore you,but keep the head when your talking to them.

Respect her wishes. That's the key.

Those are her wishes, whether you're in America or not. If you can't respect her wishes, then you're not respecting her. If you're not respecting her, then you know the rest.

Talk things out to see if you can work on a compromise. Having a one-way relationship sucks too. Work together as a team and not as an opponent.

This may be America, but parents still have a lot of influence over children, no matter how old, that still live with them. Now you can try and reason with her and her mother, but I doubt that it changes things and puts even more pressure on your g/f than before.

Quote:

---

Why does it matter to her mother why we go out of town?

---

Because its her daughter, and that's what mothers do, right or wrong, protect their children. Especially in light that the others have left, no doubt because they didn't agree with MOM.

Quote:

---

My girlfriend has a sister who is NOT MARRIED and is living with a guy and has two kids. Her brother is 20 yrs old and is living with a 17 yr old. What's THE DIFFERENCE?

---

The difference is they are not at home and under the influence of their mother.

As disappointed as you are you have no right to stop her from doing as she will, concerning her mother, and after only 6 months, you would do well to NOT drive a wedge between them, and make some adjustments to your plans.

As a note, its much better to use the "answer this question" box when replying and giving input, as the agree/disagree box may NOT be able to hold your entire comments. Just scroll down further on the page to reply.

So, her parents are treating her like a child, and your response is to act like one. Not too smart, huh? Never expect her to go against her family for you, it's never going to work.

This is not her decision, so don't hold it against her.

I know that this is America. But beliefs are the same no matter what the location is.

If you truly love this girl, then work WITH her to find a solution that everyone can live with.

Maybe she is her parents "special favorite". "A last hope".

You would have possibly come up against the same thing if in the UK most families over here like their children of all ages to spend time with the family at holiday times, its tradition and its unusual for anyone to break with that no matter what other plans they may have made.

Its good her family still has those values, they're dying out fast, respect their traditions and you're half way there. Its only being respectful, no matter where anyone lives.

Many parents do not like the idea of their children staying ( having sex) without being married, and then at least in a long term relationship of living together.

And I am sure they don't like the other daughter living together either and she has dealt with it and most likely still hears about it.
It appears you don't spend a lot of time with her family to let them know you. How often do you go and visit with her parents

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rich340

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 6 months now. She is 25 and I am 29. A couple of days ago me and he decided to go out of town for the 4th of July. She wanted to stay in a hotel room while I stayed with relatives for which I have no problem with at all. On July 3rd my girlfriend called me in the morning to tell me that she could not go because he mom would not let her. I was so mad about this that I hung up on her. I was able to talk to her later about it somewhat but she seems like she sould listen to her mom.

My girlfriend is hispanic as I am white. I realize that hispanics are strict with their children but this is the USA!! We have gone out of town a few times before this and her mom has never had a problem before. Her excuse was that we go out of town too much. Why does it matter to her mother why we go out of town?

My girlfriend has a sister who is NOT MARRIED and is living with a guy and has two kids. Her brother is 20 yrs old and is living with a 17 yr old. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE??

What should I do? Should I tell her that this has got to stop or what??

---

What should stop? Mother telling Daughter exactly how it looks when she repeatedly goes out of town with a man she has only been involved with for six months?

Obviously, Mother is not as strict as you want to paint her if you have taken her daughter out of town a 'few times' before with no complaints from her.

I am concerned that this is a prelude to putting your relationship on another level. Are you ready for a 'what are your intentions?' talk?

I know I am a little late responding to this but I just wanted to give you something else to think about. We all know this was a holiday weekend. It wasn't clear to me but is your girlfriend living with her parents? Is she the only child left living at home? If your answer is yes to both questions, it very well may be that Mom was feeling abandoned by all her children during a holiday. She may be Hispanic but that doesn't make her any less patriotic than you. In fact, depending on what she has had to go through in her life, she may be very grateful to be living in this country and really enjoys celebrating the 4th with her family. I don't know if that is accurate or not but since your GF called you cancelling on the 3rd, it sounds like her Mom just found out about the trip the day before the holiday. Is it at all possible that she had made plans around her daughter being at home for the 4th? Is it possible that she thought you both might be joining her for the holiday?

Please don't judge her too harshly and try to place yourself in her shoes. She has two children who have moved out of her home. One daughter has started her own family. The son probably hasn't been out of the house for that long (or at least I hope not considering his GF is only 17!). The daughter living at home has only been dating a man for 6 months but she has gone away with him a number of times. Am I right to assume that she is usually out on dates with you whenever possible? So, your GF's mother may very well be feeling very lonely for, and abandoned by, her children. Yes, we all know that children eventually move out of their parents home but parents still expect their kids to spend some time with them no matter how old they are. The usual time they see their children is during the major holidays. So please, don't start placing demands upon your girlfriend or her family right now. Your relationship is too new and you may lose her if you don't handle this right. If you really like this girl and you think she may be the one, be smart about this and start spending some time with her folks. Let them get to know you and you should be getting to know them. Just from what you have written, that her Mom says you both go out of town too much, it sounds as if it is possible Mom wanted you there too and would have loved an opportunity to fuss over an additional "son" over the a holiday weekend.

Butting heads with the mom after only 6 months may not be a smart thing to do.
Her mom may be concerned about you two going out of town so much after such a short period.
This is not about being in America but about a mother and daughter's relationship and a mom's concern for her daughter.
Your trying to make demands this soon in the relationship is not cool.
Have you met her mother?

Hey you said your GF is 25, right? That's more than half a decade after she became an adult. Plus, her sister and brother are pretty much living a normal American life and the mother doesn't seem to mind. In this case, I suspect the problem seems to be on part of your GF - either she doesn't want to stand up to her mother or she just wants an excuse to get out of spending July 4 with you. You can always ask her frankly why she thinks her mother is stopping her from spending time with you. Be ready to hear out her side of the story. Show readiness to meet the mother to allay her doubts and fears. If her answer is not convincing enough, you may want to call her bluff and confront her.

Oh and telling your GF to stop this might seem like you are dictating terms. Don't think it's a good idea.

Is she supposed to pay for her own room, or are you? There may be a lot more going on here.