Ask Me Help Desk - My husband cheated

Me and my husband had dated for 2 1/2 years starting in 2007 I moved to England to be with him in June 2009 and I knew when I got here something was wrong.He had been messing with a girl off and on but always told me he wasn't and in January 2010 he told me some of the truth because he said he had been feeling guilty and we had been arguing awhile cause I knew something was wrong. He had been seeing the girl he has known for about 10 years and he had cheated on his fiancé before me with the same girl.He started with the fact he had been calling prostitutes because they make him feel wanted he says it wasn't because of sexual desire I knew there was more he said no that was all.Then about 3 days later told me that in may of 2009 he half slept with another one of his friends he says he they were drunk but when they started to get heavy they both realized it was wrong and stopped,then he told me about the girl he's known for 10 years, he had been seeing her about a month and a half meeting her in secluded spots where his friends wouldn't see them together and then he brought her to our flat and they self-masturbated he says they didn't have intercourse.The sad thing is it doesn't stop there he's been chatting up girls on the net but says not since he told me in January 2010 and we've been seeing a counsellor but I question everything he tells me now and I'm not sure how I can ever trust anything he says again. Is it possible for someone like him to change as he says he's not the same person as he was then?

Did he wear a condom when he was seeing these other women?
If not I would be a little concerned.
Don't take his word for it.. he's a liar. Get yourself tested.

People do change, miracles can happen, but what has been set in motion here is more than working on your relationship.

You have discovered that he is a serial liar, he cheats, he lies to your face, and has done likewise with other women, for at least 10 years. What makes you special, or rather, so different from the others, that he will literally change himself in order to be with you.

He is who he is unfortunately, and that is the sum of all that he has done to deceive you, and the others, over many years.

While he could indeed change, he cannot erase history, nor can he change it to suit his needs now.

Someone with such low morals and so little regard to you and your future, to have duped you into thinking he was actually a different person it seems, does not deserve the love of a good woman.

Get tested for STD. He's lied to you about everything else. Anything sexual with someone else such as kissing, or doing what they did is cheating. I doubt it stopped at that.

Sounds to me like he's a serial cheater... a real player.

I think the writing is on the wall. He may promise to never cheat again, promise to be faithful to you, promise to make it up to you, but as soon as the opportunity arises, he'll be at it again.

Unless he goes into some really serious counseling and gets into rehab (for sex addicts), you can count on him cheating on you for as long as you're with him.

If I were you I would be running before he gets another woman pregnant or before he brings an STD home to you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Devorameira

Sounds to me like he's a serial cheater....a real player.

I think the writing is on the wall. He may promise to never cheat again, promise to be faithful to you, promise to make it up to you, but as soon as the opportunity arises, he'll be at it again.

Unless he goes into some really serious counseling and gets into rehab (for sex addicts), you can count on him cheating on you for as long as you're with him.

If I were you I would be running before he gets another woman pregnant or before he brings an STD home to you!

I would be worried about my own health and the diseases he may have contacted. Get yourself check out!

I agree with all above posters, you do need to get checked out for STDs, its free to get this done in the UK, are you registered with a Doctor?

If not you can go to your nearest hospital and they will have a special dept for having these tests done, you will get the results of most tests immediately, you may have to go back for results of others or phone.

If you are found to have an infection you'll be treated there and then, and told what to do for follow up treatment.

Its all confidential, so no one needs to know that you have been tested.

As for your husband if you are found to be infected he will also need to get checked and treated, and you should refrain from any sexual activity with him until he's been treated.

You need to do the above ASAP, or it could leave you infertile and other complications may set in, don't think because you have no outward symptoms that you're clear, many STDs don't show outwardly.

Also ask for an AIDS test.

If as you say your husbands been sleeping with other women then please don't ignore this advice it is imperative you get yourself checked.

Plus you really will have to follow the advice given to you at the STDs Dept of the hospital.

Once you've been checked then I feel you will need to decide what you intend to do about your future, you cannot live with knowing your SO is going to constantly cheat on you, you'll be in a perpetual state of unrest, and you will be risking your health and wellness each and every time he cheats on you, he too is putting the others he sleeps with at risk.

That's how thoughtless and selfish he is in real terms, he doesn't care for anyone other than himself and his own desires no one else matters much to him, sadly not even you.

Please get yourself checked out as soon as you can. Your health is at risk, and that's the most important thing you need to get checked now.

All treatment is also free. If you go to the local hospital you don't need to make an appointment, they will tell you where to go and times of the clinic being open. Its quicker if you go to the hospital.

If he went as far as masturbating then its very likely he went on to have full intercourse, he's just telling you it wasn't full on sex to save his own neck. Regardless you still need to get checked out..

Get tested and leave him alone. He won't change unless he gets counseling. Maybe it would work.

Can he change? Yes if he really wants to, but that's only after a lot of work and guidance and help on his part. That will take a lot of time to be done right.

That's only on his part as the damage that his bad behavior has caused will take a lot of time, and work ,on your part and again, that will take a lot of time and efforts to even begin to trust him.

I will be honest as too much has gone on to have any quick fixes, and you should be on a healing process of your own without him. While its good you are seeking help, I think that the scars are to deep to be healed while still with him. Its more than just the possibility of STD's, which should be addressed ASAP. But the betrayal, and loss of trust are brick walls that will follow you for years and be made worse, if he is less than perfect. If he was an idiot for 10 years that you know of, it will probably be 10 years before he is improved enough for your trust to be renewed and your wounds to heal. That's a large job ahead.

That's just my opinion, about the very rocky road ahead for you both.