Ask Me Help Desk - Taking a break?

Hi,

My boyfriend of 10 months just told me yesterday out of nowhere that he thinks we should take a break. There are a few things to consider. I am 25 and he is 23. We started dating in Sept 2009 and basically from Sept to the end of May we were inseparable. Then his friends came home from college and Ive been lucky if I see him once or twice a week. He doesn't respond to any of my texts on the nights that he's hanging out with him (which is pretty much every night) and now he says he is feeling trapped. He said he absolutely 100% loves me and that there is no one else. And I truly do believe him, he swore on his mother, who has cancer. I have always seen a "break" as breaking up but not wanting to say it in that way. He says he needs time to figure things out, and that he's not sure if he wants a girlfriend. Oh, this is also his first and longest serious relationship. We also work together, though not in the same department and we barely see each other at work at all. No one knows about us at work, so we pretend we don't really know each other. Should I take this break to mean that we are approaching our one year mark and he is just plain freaking out? I don't understand how someone can tell me he loves me but at the same time not want to be with me. Is this just typical commitment freak-out for a young guy? Should I give him a couple of weeks? I feel like I should ask him if this is why he's feeling trapped, but if I start bombarding him with questions he's going to feel even more trapped. Anyway, thank you for any insight you may be able to give.

Lisa

Quote:

I have always seen a "break" as breaking up but not wanting to say it in that way.

I agree with you, and think you give him what he asked for, and start doing your own thing, and let him do his.

Can't you see that he really wants to break up?

People in healthy relationships work together to work through their problems, they don't take "a break" from each other to allow the problems to just sit there and stew.

Sure he's a little afraid of what he may find on the "single road", but that's why he's giving you the "I love you" line. He wants to hang onto you by a teensy weensy thread just in case he doesn't find another woman he likes better. Problem is, once he finds a girl he likes better, then you will be total history.

You need to admit that the "break" is really a "break-up" and go NC and move on.

I agree with Devorameira, he is just keeping you around until he finds something better. You should take this time to do the same thing, give him a taste of his own med. Maybe he will realize what he has before it is too late, or maybe he still wants to be a single guy and you should move on to better. If he gets a new girlfriend, don't be jealouse or angry about him moving on, because he will do the same thing to his next girlfriend as he is to you. I would feel bad for that girl just like I do for you. Just move on, you are too good for that.