My 12 year old daughter has been very violent and abusive to me she has worn me down over the last 2 yrs,we had one big fight and went to her nans the following day where her dad lives and he phoned me to say she was staying their till this gets sorted temp so me and her could have a break our relationship is so much better now and I keep asking her to come bk home and she says she is every wkend but never does.now her dad has been thrown out and wants me to hand over child benefit so he can get housed with my daughter but she has no intentions of moving in with him and he knows this what should I do?

Tell her your coming to pick her up and do just that. You do have court ordered custody right? Make sure you bring the papers with you.

Tell the dad to shut up and get a life.

Tell the girl to get her rear home, she is a child and it is not her choice where she lives

Thanks very much for your response she is coming today to stay while Sunday and I have a solicitors appt this mornin to see where I stand on this issue I have parental responcibility and have had since she was born he hasn't and has never paid csa mo

While hopefully you will regain custody of your daughter, that won't erase the issues that caused this all to happen in the first place.

Her father sounds like a deadbeat, paying no support, living with, then getting kicked out of his mother's house.

It has probably been a good experience for your daughter to see that maybe mom wasn't so bad after all. She may put up a lot of bravado, but she will see life with you wasn't so bad.

That being said, it might be time to seek help in learning how to establish rules, and behaviour and boundaries. It is no simple task with a teen out of control, but for your own safety and for the peace you need in your house, it will be well worth the effort.

There is nothing more important than a relationship with your kids. Get help establishing one if you can't do it by yourself.