Hi. I am feeling confused right now I don't even know where to begin. Hope you could help.

I am 24 years old, Asian, 5'4", 63 kg. and I am with my 29 year old boyfriend for 10 months. We started living together for a month now but I'm still keeping my hotel accommodation because I am confused.

I love him and I'm sure he loves me but I think he loves his PS3 too. He'd rather play after dinner until midnight than spend some time with me. And during weekends, he plays until it's 4am worse is 7am. Because I wanted to share the time with him, I watch him play on the couch until I fell asleep.

I enjoy sex with him, maybe he does too with me but I think he prefers watching porn and please himself. I used to share the same PC with him but after I unintentionally found out that he watches porn more frequent than we have sex, I started taking my laptop with me at home, because I'm afraid I'll be tempted to check his history and get hurt again.

**I said 'unintentionally' because I was looking for MY history not his.


During the early stage of our relationship, he was the one who always initiates sex. Now, it's me.

Sometimes he says NO to me in bed. Why? Because he has work tomorrow. Fine.

He doesn't want me to visit him to his office and whenever I needed something from him and he's at work I should wait for him outside his office. I asked him why. He said he just don't like to mix his personal life with his career. (I thought men would be proud to tell the world that he's with someone.) Don't be mistaken, he already introduced me with his friends, sister and cousins and in August I'll get to meet his folks. (Which I'm not sure though if I wanted to.) --I just don't understand why he's afraid that his associates will see me. He told me that it has nothing to do with me. Once, his best friend went to see him in his office, he said, if someone in his office will ask who he was he will say he was just selling credit cards. Maybe if I'll surprise him in his office and someone will ask who I am he'll say I'm selling beauty products. Sigh.

Though we share different beliefs; I believe in God, he doesn't. I'm non-vegetarian, he's vegan, it's OK with me. He's a good man, he help me grow and is always there by my side whenever I needed help.

What's bothering me is I just don't feel that he's attracted to me anymore, he told me once when I asked him if he's still attracted to me he said that I still turn him on. But what he says is different to what he does. And it hurts me.

Thanks in advance for the answers.

Hi OP, it seems you and he have moved in together fairly early on in this relationship, maybe you need to go back to living or staying in the hotel, I also feel you think this too, or why keep your hotel room on.

As for the PS3 and the time he spends on it, those games can be very addictive, and many people find themselves playing them for far longer than is healthy.

You and he need to sit down together and decide where you think this relationship is going, forget the porn stuff unless it bothers you much.

Ask him to turn the PS3 off at a reasonable hour each evening, say midnight or whatever time you and he can agree on, try to compromise, and work out something that's more agreeable to you both.

With regards to the fading sex life, this could be due to him being on the PS3 for so long and so late too, by the time he gets into bed I am sure he would be over tired for having spent so long playing those games etc.

It seems he has you living at his place and has now stopped or thinks he no longer needs to work at the relationship, bad move, relationships have to be worked at on a regular basis to be successful, they need to be worked at and worked through jointly by both persons in them if they aren't then they die, or hit rocky ground, and often times its when they're not worked at that the communication breaks down in the relationship.

With regards to him not wanting you to go into his place of employment, that isn't quite right somehow, why wouldn't he want you to go there, that would be a red flag to most I feel.

Maybe he's exaggerated his position in the company and doesn't want you to find out that he's really the office boy and not the up and coming CEO he claims he is.

Or it could be something more sinister, like he's really married, or has another girlfriend tucked away some place, it seems he is maybe hiding something, but what well...

Turn up there one day I would.

I hope what's written here is helpful to you, and can maybe help you shed some light on the issues you expressed in you OP.

Post any time.

Hey, thank you. Your post really means a lot. We are both expats and I don't have true friends here that's why I really appreciate your advice.

I believe moving out would be the best solution with this. I tried playing with him, ask questions about his games, told him what games that he has that I like but I just can't keep up with him. My eyes get tired easily and I feel bored easily.
Once, at the end of my rope I told him that it is not his PS3 that I don't like, it is the time he spend with it. I'm not asking him to give it up, just lessen the time he spends with it so we could get to know each other more. I guess he is not as interested as me.

I will move out. Thanks again.

I believe for your own peace of mind and growth you are making the right choice, a Woman wants more from life than to spend her time watching her partner play games, and then fall into bed and go to sleep, that's no way to live, so many men, just seem to think once they have you they no longer need to work at the relationship, admittedly some women also do this.

I wish you luck and happiness for the future, feel free to come back here with any other questions or concerns you have for whatever reason in the future, We are here to help and will help in anyway we can.

The smartest thing you did was to keep your own place, as living together doesn't work that great it seems, and now your finding things out about him that just don't hit you right.

If he doesn't respond by talking, then you have to go home and let him miss you as why should you be second to a game, or porn, or his self love?

All these indicate and addictive personality, and may NOT change. When words and actions don't match, and communications doesn't bring compromise, its time to go!

It doesn't look good to me to be so involved with porn and his PS3, especially this early into the relationship.

You'd be wise to move out and get a real life away from him. If you don't, in 5 years you'll still be miserable lying on the couch watching him play his games.

Life's too short to waste!

Thanks guys, your encouragements are giving me strength to just move out.

I'll be on my vacation after 2 days and will be back after 3 weeks; last year when he went for vacation he finds his way to see me and spend time with me everyday for a week before he left. Now, I only have 2 days left and he's still in front of his game.

I can't keep on waiting for him to finish his game. I really need to move on. It's really tough being alone in a foreign country without your family and friends, I am grateful I found out this site and above all you guys.

Good night.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by falpari

Thanks guys, your encouragements are giving me strength to just move out.

I'll be on my vacation after 2 days and will be back after 3 weeks; last year when he went for vacation he finds his way to see me and spend time with me everyday for a week before he left. Now, I only have 2 days left and he's still in front of his game.

Good night.

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I think this speaks volumes...

Also good to know we've helped...

This isn't a healthy thing. Nothing but disrespect from him. Eww...

Don't for a minute think that you are unattractive because of this.

You are with someone that doesn't know how. Just wants you at his convenience. While he pleasures himself and treats you selectively.

Run & don't look back. There's nice people out there, find them. Hes not.

Treat others as you wish to be treated, right?