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-   -   Why can't I get a girlfriend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=483112)

  • Jun 27, 2010, 03:25 AM
    loveadam
    Why can't I get a girlfriend
    Hi
    I am 23 years handsome decent boy working in reputed company
    I am little shy person but friendly person. But I don't have a girlfriend.
    Some times I feel very lonely. I can't find the reason why girls don't talk to me.
    So please girls give some help to find the solution or tips...
  • Jun 27, 2010, 03:36 AM
    redhed35

    Girls will fall for most anything,a women is a different matter,women like confident men,kind,considerate and respectfull of themselfves and other people.

    Put yourself out there,bite the bullet and talk to women,join the gym,work out,women go to the gym!

    I don't really like dating sites,but if your shy it might be a good way to practice small talk in a safe way,and build your confidence.

    People get rejected ALL the time,do not take rejection to heart,try and blow it off and try again.

    Don't get too attached to one women in a short period,date lots of women.

    Ask them out,get to know them.

    Don't be a stalker,if you send a text or call,wait for a response before sending another,take it very very slow,and don't tell your life story in one sitting.

    Ask her questions about herself,let her lead the conversation,everyone has a story.

    If your feeling nervous,and its natural,take a breather,don't panic if there is a lull in the conversation,be quietly confident.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 05:32 AM
    JK191

    I can give you a bit of unorthodox advice and I wouldn't recommend following it unless you can already handle a bit of rejection and have a strong will.

    Go to the mall one day, flirt and ask out any girl that looks attractive to you. Here's the thing though, most (90%+) will decline. After being rejected a lot of times, you'll get used to it and see it's not a big deal anymore. It'll also help your shyness a bit.

    If you think you can't pull it off, redhed35 has already given you plenty of sound advice.

    Best of luck to you!
  • Jun 27, 2010, 06:18 AM
    talaniman

    Friends and activities that you enjoy, puts you into the right places to see and be seen. Plus it's a fun time, while you get to know someone.

    Then you can have many options and opportunities to choose from. You never know who a friend knows.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 06:20 AM
    loveadam
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by redhed35 View Post
    girls will fall for most anything,a women is a differant matter,women like confident men,kind,considerate and respectfull of themselfves and other people.

    put yourself out there,bite the bullet and talk to women,join the gym,work out,women go to the gym!

    i dont really like dating sites,but if your shy it might be a good way to practice small talk in a safe way,and build your confidence.

    people get rejected ALL the time,do not take rejection to heart,try and blow it off and try again.

    dont get too attached to one women in a short period of time,date lots of women.

    ask them out,get to know them.

    dont be a stalker,if you send a text or call,wait for a response before sending another,take it very very slow,and dont tell your life story in one sitting.

    ask her questions about herself,let her lead the conversation,everyone has a story.

    if your feeling nervous,and its natural,take a breather,dont panic if there is a lull in the conversation,be quietly confident.




    I am scared to talk I donot initiate in talking with girls so girls get bored of me. I have lot of respect for them. I used to like one girl but I didn't have courage to tell her and then one day she is now girlfriend of my friend. I can't understand wats wrong in me as I every thing in my life
    Money, job, family and I will give her all the happiness. But no one is there.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 06:23 AM
    jmjoseph

    Stop looking to get a girlfriend, and start learning how to date.

    You are going to have to get over that shy behavior, and just ask out someone who you are interested in.

    I agree with red, change your game a little bit, go get in shape. It helps with the confidence.

    Go take a class, or join some type of club that has girls in it. Get out and enjoy your life. A special girl will come along in no time.

    Read some self help books.

    Good luck.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 06:43 AM
    redhed35

    Nothing is going to change unless you do something different,its hard,its easy for me to just give advice,harder to put it into action,but if you don't try,you won't succeed.

    Confidence comes from within,and having little victorys,set achievable goals for yourself,and aim to get them.

    The more you work on your confidence and self esteem,the happier you are with yourself,the easier you are in your own skin,the more attractive you will become.

    Learn to like and love yourself,and others not just women,will see the real you.

    Happy people are attractive people.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 10:53 AM
    parisrose

    I have a hard time finding decent guys. At my age most guys are really immature, just wanting to party and most of players! You seem like a really good guy, you'll find a girl in no time. You just need to surround yourself in situations where you will meet new women.
  • Jun 27, 2010, 12:04 PM
    strawberrylover

    I don't think most giirls like shy guys...
  • Jun 27, 2010, 09:06 PM
    positiveparent

    You need to stop your negative self talk, you're putting yourself down and you want to bring yourself up.

    Try the following for a week or so I would say by doing so you will boost your own self esteem and become more confident.

    Remember its Positive that will get results and you are a positive person.

    You need to give yourself some positive self talk, such as I am confident, I can speak to females,
    I can ask them out on a date,
    I will ask them out.
    I want to ask them out.
    I can and will be more confident.
    I am confident.
    I smile at people often.
    My so say being shy is no more than a thought and I am changing that thought.
    I am capable.
    I am more than capable
    I am an optimist.
    I won't allow myself to be a shy insecure person for a second longer.

    Positive Attitude: Dismissing Negative Thoughts
    Expect the best, Use your energy and resources, enthusiasm wisely and where it makes a difference, counts, exuding it, radiating it, from the inside out, not the outside in.

    Make the mind-set you have in mind here, a state of mind, all the time, your lifestyle and life-outlook of choice. Surround yourself with positive energy and others that remain and contribute to the optimistic nature of things, rather than the negative, whining, high-maintenance types that zap and tap, erode your energy.

    Be forward-facing and continue to grow and master being, staying, getting, keeping your positive mental attitude.

    Being shy is no more than a state of mind and you can alter your state of mind by practicing Positive Self Talk.
  • Jun 28, 2010, 10:46 AM
    loveadam
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by parisrose View Post
    I have a hard time finding decent guys. At my age most guys are really immature, just wanting to party and most of players!! you seem like a really good guy, you'll find a girl in no time. You just need to surround yourself in situations where you will meet new women.

    Why not start chating to build up confidence

    From editor-Why not keep personal info off the net for your own protection???
  • Dec 5, 2010, 12:15 AM
    loveadam
    Still no luck>>>>
  • Dec 5, 2010, 08:04 AM
    talaniman

    Do you have a life that you enjoy, with friends and activities that you look forward to??

    Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

    Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.
  • Mar 15, 2011, 12:58 PM
    loveadam
    No girls want to talk or be with me...
    Threads merged

    Hi,

    Can any one help me how can I be popular among girls,

    OK let me describe myself I am very decent simple guy who earns lots of money and only works @ night in multinational company alone.

    So my interaction with girls are minimum and no girl wants to talk to me. Even on internet girls don't chat with me I don't know want image they have about me

    Can any one tell me how can I make friends with girls and talk to them .
  • Mar 15, 2011, 01:55 PM
    Eileen G

    Start by making friends, and some of them will be girls.

    Don't go out looking for girls, that's a little creepy and desperate. Instead, go and do stuff that's fun and which girls do too. Join a bowling league, join a writer's group, join a hiking club, go to dance class. Meet girls in situations where you are not coming onto them, and get to know them as people.
  • Mar 15, 2011, 06:53 PM
    ken007nielsen
    My main resource of getting girls is mainly through clubbing.

    That means that on the weekends me and a few fella's hit the town, and we strike up conversation with different women.

    The plus sides of this is, I get to interact with A lot of women each weekend, and as we all know. The more you do something the better you get at it.

    You mention that the girls you speak with also doesent want to get to know you.
    This tells me that the way you approach girls is wrong, because done the right way you can talk with everybody.

    The most important thing I focus on always, is me having a good time because the more fun I have, the easier it will get to interact with others both guys and girls.

    Always be calm, relaxed and in a environment you feel comfortable in so you can enjoy yourself. Also don't come on to strongly pay attention to the girls your speaking to if they have an actual interest in you, and if they don't. Don't hit on them, but befriend them - that way you can learn to interact with girls socially and you'll proberly have even more fun ;).

    (With you doing all that, and having fun living your life you will get more confidence, happier and the opposite sex will become more and more attracted to you.
  • Mar 15, 2011, 07:24 PM
    Alty

    What are you doing now when you talk to girls?

    Do you have many friends, either male or female?

    Do you have any hobbies? Where do you go to meet people?

    The internet is the worst place to try and begin a romance. One reason is that your confidence will never grow if you are always hiding behind a computer monitor. Another reason is that the written word can be misunderstood. You may be saying the right things, but they come off sounding creepy when they're written down.

    Go out, meet people, approach people. Like ken said, don't go out looking to hook up with someone. Just go out to meet people, talk to people, get to know people and work on approaching people.

    The biggest turn off for a girl is a guy that comes on super strong. Those are the guys we usually run away from. The guys that come over just to chat, are interested in what we have to say but aren't trying to get into our pants, those are the ones that we talk to.
  • Mar 16, 2011, 11:53 PM
    FrankenFraud
    Newbie here. 1) Not to be an insensitive A-hole, but are you attractive? Because if your butt ugly, you better be either Steven Tyler or Mick Jagger (I.e. famous & rich) to be popular with the girls in any relationship type of way. Sorry but as superficial as that sounds, that's the way our society currently is. 2)Do you come off like the guy in Weird Al Yankovic's video "Do I Creep You Out" to the girls you do meet? If so, better just join a monastery instead. 3)Stop trying so hard. Treat the girls who do give you "the time of day" like your sister or a casual buddy (not talking about being mean or farting around them & then laughing-LOL). 4) The best advice I can give is make friends with guys who are popular with the ladies. Then keep your mouth shut, listen & learn from them. And finally, #5, if you do manage to get a date or 2 with a girl(s), BE A GOOD LISTENER. Don't do a "I,and I,and I and I" routine-it's very tedious! Take a genuine interest in her as a person FIRST, & you'll go far.
    Good Luck!
  • Mar 17, 2011, 07:32 AM
    Eileen G

    What is your area of expertise? Most people have one, they can read a map better than anyone else, make money from stocks, calm down angry dogs, remember the punchline of jokes, ice-skate backwards, whatever.

    If you are involved in something that you are good at, you'll appear more relaxed and confident, and that's attractive to girls. It also means you are in a position to offer help, which is good.

    Girls are people too.
  • Mar 18, 2011, 05:54 PM
    Alty

    Any woman that only dates a guy for money or looks, isn't worth anyone's time. My husband is no Tom Cruise. When we started dating I paid for everything because I made more money. I fell in love with him because of who he is, not what he looks like or how much money he had in the bank, which was zero. We were 19 when we started dating, so before you say that it's because we were older and more mature, no, that's not the case at all.

    The OP in this case has every opportunity to meet someone, just as much as everyone else on this planet. When you get a bit older, and less superficial, you'll realize that in the end, the crap you think is important, it really isn't. A good guy with a good heart, a sense of humor, is worth a million models/millionaires.

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