I'm a 23 year old virgin guy.

In my entire life, I been in-love two times. Both times was a very strong feeling in me, but unfortunately, unrequited love. I was never luck/able to build something out of it.

Now, I've encountered a new and different situation. A girl I'm friends with (1year) told me she loved me from a first time she saw me. She has a boyfriend (5y), and thing haven't been great between them, supposedly started going down-hill when she met me. She tried to breakup with him already (3/4 times) but he always encourage her to try to fix things (on the basis of they don't know what wrong).

The thing is, I don't know how I feel about her. I like her, more than a friend... not sure how much more. Maybe because I had the lack of experience I letting me go, and we already made-out. Felt amazing the fist times, but now it launches this dilemma in my mind (do I like her enough? Is attraction enough?). We haven't had sex because I didn't want to be a cheater of sorts. But on top of it, I think she likes me in a way I can't top. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me forever, but don't know why, I don't/still don't feel that way. Love is said to be a capability and not an emotion, and perhaps the way I feel is really what is supposed to be in such a early stage. Maybe because of those "unrequited love" times I had, when I was "madly in-love" (limerence) I expect something similar...

Its like having what I ever want (girl who loves me, attracted to me, wanting to be with me), but now knowing if I deserve it. I always thought of her like a friend... and now, she want to do *everything* with me.

Do you think I should go with the flow, and find out where this can go? Do you think I should just tell her that, and risk losing such good thing?

She has a boyfriend... Just let her be. Making out with her while she has a boyfriend is cheating... Tell her to come see you when she is out of her relationship and completely over her boyfriend. Even then... She just cheated on her boyfriend with you. Can you trust she won't do the same to you??

She taken and even though she says she wants you she's still with her b/f, and you and she have cheated, if she did this with you and has a b/f she will most likely do the same with anyone she's with.

She has no respect for herself or her b/f.

Don't go there you're asking for trouble.

This can go nowhere but down!

This young lady has a boyfriend she is cheating on with you. ( if you are kissing and making out with her you are already cheating)
She is showing some attraction for you and because you have had two experiences where the feelings have not been returned, you are wanting to feel something for her.
I think she is using you because she is unhappy with her boyfriend. That is her problem, don't allow her to make it yours.
Walk away from this. It is not worth the drama and pain that can ensue.

I wish you well.

It doesn't matter whether you are 'possibly not' in love with her, and you are wondering if you should just 'go with the flow and see what happens'. I presume that to mean she would leave her boyfriend, and jump into your arms?

It has been a year since you've known her, and she is still with her boyfriend of five years. While you ponder whether you love her or not, is not a good place to be for many reasons.

Love is not something that you merely say (to keep someone hanging on), it is what you do. It is having a relationship based on trust, fidelity, commitment and respect. She has shown none of that toward you, and probably none of that toward her boyfriend either.

Three people in a relationship is one too many, and that would be you. That you are even wondering about where the relationship with her will go, shows that you are not seeing the picture clearly here.

Had you meant more to her than her boyfriend, she would have split with him, given herself time to heal, and most certainly wouldn't have used you as the rebound guy. She would have let enough time pass so that she could committ fully, and only then, and with more time passing for you to know each other, would the word 'love' even come up.

While you wait for her, she stays with her boyfriend, and makes no moves toward a real relationship with you.

Personally, I wouldn't have her as a friend, let alone a possible girlfriend. Her character and actions sum her up.

Find someone who better balances what you need and want, with what is actually possible to attain. You can do much better.

She wants to use you to get out of her relationship, and over her boyfriend. That's not love at all on her part. She just wants someplace else to go and she is afraid to do it and be alone. Your just an opportunity for her to make the move she wants to.

Beware of any one who can move so easily from one person, to another with no proper healing in-between.

Not only that, knowing she is involved, you still make out with her, and help her cheat? That's plain dishonest, and such rebound relationships rarely last, or are they healthy, and fulfilling.

I have no doubt that once she dumps him for you, she will dump you too, once she finds a greener pasture.

Talaniman Rule - If she has a boyfriend, take the hint and leave her alone.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so carried away by feelings that you can't see the facts.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own girlfriend and leave the other guys alone.

Talaniman Rule- If one female isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a committed person, ever never!!!!!!

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.

Listen to the voices of experience, and keep your dignity, and self respect.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner
You seem like a nice guy, and seem to be fighting intense feelings over some common sense, I understand that dilemma, as it feels good, but that's normal for healthy human beings to be attracted to each other. Its what they do about it that defines them, and their character, so I leave you with this.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

Just stay within the boundaries of what you think is good behavior, and just don't give in to temptation.

Hello again,

Thank you so much for replying, and caring.

Many of the replies assume cheating, and based on that recommend I avoid this girl. Let me be more clear about that:

She ended with the boyfriend and only after we made-out. But because the boyfriend didn't agreed with it, he is still trying to fix it... She still says she has no boyfriend.
I understand this is still a relationship, and you all have reason to say its cheating. Just wanted to assure we did it because I believed she had done the move/action toward me.

Although this part is very important, I would like some comment on the love thing. What should I do, if she "loves" me, but I don't. Do every relationship start at the same point? Is this relationship only going to work if I was also madly in-love like her? Should I say "give me time"? Should I just try to stay friends and let time work?

What should happen when both want to work together to stay together, but they're in completely different stages of it?

This so so relationship is full of drama and confusion.

You not in love,she is lust,more likely,you have no emotional connection to her,otherwise you would not even be asking the question.

Love takes time,this is lust.

If her feeling towards you are real,and you don't share those feelings,then let the poor girl go,stop hanging on and trying to figure out how you feel,either you do or you don't.

As for being friends,how hard is it going to be for her being friends with you,your both just going to start making out again (lust) and neither of you will move on and have the relationships you both deserve.

Just because someone chases you and wants you, doesn't mean you go along with it, especially given your own feelings.

That's the thing here since you have no clue as to what she means when she says she loves you. I seriously doubt she knows either.

Rather than just going with the flow and see what happens, keep your wits about you, and deal with her with a lot of maturity and caution, as you have enough facts before you to make a reasonable decision.

She has a boyfriend (5 yrs), and thing haven't been great between them, supposedly started going down-hill when she met me.
she is NOT available
She tried to breakup with him already (3/4 times) but he always encourage her to try to fix things (on the basis of they don't know what wrong).
If she really wanted to be done with it, the ex couldn't talk her out of it. This is an insight into a part of her character you need to pay attention to, and its highly likely she is using you to get away from him
The thing is, I don't know how I feel about her. I like her, more than a friend...
You don't know how you feel, or where you want this to go, and as you say somewhat inexperienced, so you will go with her program as she makes you form a more than just friends attachment, as you cross the lines thru making out. Thats lust my friend, that she is intentionally stirring up, to intentionally influence you.
She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me forever
She may well have a strong attraction (lust), but forever??? You have got to be kidding me. And she probably has used that line before.

The biggest red flag to me is her leaving one love for another (or so she says), without the proper healing, and that has REBOUND written all over it. So while you are falling deeper into her thru lust, she is getting over her ex(?), and regaining her strength, and when she finds another she has feelings for, or is ready to take on the world alone, guess where that leaves you? Even worse, the chances of her missing the ex, is very real after time away from him, and for a fact he is still in the picture, still going to try to get her back

Those facts make this a very bad decision to follow her program without a lot of thought, and caution. Her words have yet to match her actions, and intentionally or not people get hurt by moving to fast, and giving to much to a stranger.

Yes she is a stranger, no matter you have known her, and liked her as a friend, because the feelings are very different once friends cross the line, and become intimate with each other, and start to find out a lot more about each other, as they spend more time together.

Don't be her rebound, that helps neither of you in the long run, and it hurts when the whole truth is revealed.
Just think for a minute does it make sense that she is ready for another relationship so soon after just ending a 5 year one?? I seriously doubt it.

I highly hope you let her enjoy her new found freedom and just stay friends for a good while before you consider a relationship with her, and don't consider putting your life on hold waiting for her to complete the healing process. That's a disaster waiting to happen, as doing your thing without her is your main focus, NOT her. You will have your own options, and opportunities, and healthier ones at that, to tend to. At least you won't be distracted by a female who has her own agenda, but if you keep a safe distance, that will be revealed in time.

Keep it friends, and keep a safe distance. You get a pass on the cheating for now, but be warned to get facts, and not just feelings when you make such decisions for yourself.

Most of us have fantastic make out sessions with new people. That's the norm, but doesn't mean we can build anything from it, as it takes a lot more than some sweet lips to build a relationship, so eyes open, and pay attention.

Have to spread some rep talaniman, but you're right on.
There are so many red flags here you could have a bull fight.
She is in an on again off again relationship with a boy friend of 5 years, that is really enough to make you run.
She is saying I love you while she wrestles with her feelings for this other guy, (if she loved you and was done with this guy there would be no back and forth) You don't know how you feel about her. If you cared, you'd know it. She is a boost to your ego. This is a girl who is showing some attraction to you and you are turned on by her but lust is not the same as affection.
Walk away from this. She is not the only girl out there.

You know attractions and lust, are so common among us humans. But we get smarter with age, and experience, as to how to cope with those feelings, and when to act on them, and when not to.

We are giving you the benefit of that experience, but if you feel strongly about your feelings, then its your choice to take that risk that always comes with any interaction between you, and your fellow human, especially the females, where things are not always cut, dried, and straight forward, or even logical.

You would hardly be the first to learn the hard way, and LOL, that's how many of us got experienced in the first place.

Just ended this situation. Got me some time to think things through.

Tonight I go to sleep knowing that I ended a relationship that for the first time in my life, romantic love wasn't only on my side and really hopping I haven't done a big mistake. I truly don't know how can a guy have such bad luck in this matters.

Thank you all for the help, specially talaniman who has proven yet again that he is full of great insight.

Young guy you will be very glad when you meet the one who feels as you do, and love is mutual.

It's a matter of kissing a lot of frogs before you find the right one who kisses you back the way you want.

The secret, is enjoy the kissing part, and not getting carried away. Easier to enjoy things with happy, healthy, people who have no baggage to unpack.

This female that's supposed to be so in love, has a lot of baggage.

Unpacking will be really messy with her.

I understand where you guys are coming from but saying she has a boyfriend get over it it isn't that easy trust me I understand she has a boyfriend but when you have feeling for someone you can't just be like "ok im over here" just like that

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chris86

i understand where you guys are coming from but saying she has a boyfriend get over it it isn't that easy trust me i understand she has a boyfriend but when you have feeling for someone you can't just be like "ok im over here" just like that

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No, it's not easy but it's the right thing to do.