Hi,

My ex [arab].. and I[indian] started dating casually last year, where he had made it clear that it won't lead to anythng long term... however, we instantly clicked and got very close.. due to a lot of stressful situations thrown at us... but my ex continued his 'we won't get married ever' drama... because he wanted an arab virgin girl from his village to marry and 'bcuz he had told me in the beginning it won't work out'... I broke up with him and moved on... after 7 months.. he came back to me... having lost his arrogance and he told me he realised how genuine I was... blah blah... but he still could not think anything longterm with me... I agreed to a casual relationship again[mistake]... but we got even more close.. literally living together... and his constant 'we won't get married' started all over again... he often contradicted himself.. his words didn't commit but his actions did.. he always wanted to be with me.. he made me feel great... but his words smelt of insecurity and fear of commitment to a person from a diff background... I told him tomake up his mind... but he'd rather suffer depression than give true love a shot... I broke up with him again... just 3 weeks ago.. but he wants to talk to me... we even met and slept togther 3 times after that... but I don't know where its going... im going crazy here... I want to give it a shot.. but he's not even trying... yet he wants me.. he was in hospital after our break up due to severe depression... he is in love with me and so am I.. but he's so confused.. do I wait for him or just cut off?

You cut him off and let him deal with his depression, and intent to marry a nice virgin girl from his village.

How many times does a guy have to tell you he ain't taking you home to mama, and daddy, before you believe him?

And I would hardly call this casual dating on your part since you seem to do everything you can to get this guy to commit, when he continually says "NO WAY!".

Cut your loses he is just filling in time until his nice little virgin comes along.

He seems to think he's going to get himself a virgin as his right or something.

He has told you how it is for him though so he's been upfront.

You're not going to get what you're possibly hoping for from him, so move on and let it go, it'll only hurt you more if you persist with this convenience relationship.

Thanks guys... it seems so difficult to accept that he was just filling his time and I didn't mean anything to him... agreed that he was upfront about it... but I think he was very selfish too, because he never let me have my space... always wanted me around.. claiming he loved me.. at the same time reminding me that we can never be together for good.. was really stupid to have continued.. and been by his side when he was jobless.. two times over.. anyway... I cut him off and deleted him from any contacts of mine permanently... I hope I get over this mess I have put myself into... very difficult to trust a man.

You did good and you will get over this, one day at a time, and you also did good removing him, if he tries to contact you, be strong and ignore it, anything he does to try to contact or get word to you ignore.

He isn't the one for you, he's in a kind of lala land about his virgin stuff, maybe he will get that, but he too should be abstaining in order to honour his would be virgin bride.

I understand you feel hurt, who wouldn't but really you have made the right choice you were in a dead end relationship that was going no where, and you can do better than that you can.


You can always come here if you get really down or tempted to contact him and we will help you through this, and soon you'll be pleased you've made the right choice because you have..

I do feel liberated... and I have to share a lot of details about my relationship... for the sake of awareness of what I was part of... My ex is a shia muslim.. not that I am prejudiced about any religion or race... but he made me get into some sort of 'temporary marriage' contract with him... so that sex between us is 'legal' and 'acceptable' to 'God'... I found it silly... but only accepted it because he wanted it and it did not make it any difference to me. Just want to warn any ladies out there NOT to get into some contract like that.. its suicide.. because these guys cannot marry someone permanently who they are/were in a temporary contract with.. this I found out later.. and could not do anything... no matter how ridiculous the whole thing sounded... but it seems women who are in temporary marriage can never be permanent wives.. what a piece of crap.