I've been paying child support since I was eighteen for a child I've never even seen. I can't afford it any more. Some months I can pay some months I can't. Now they want to take my license away for non payment. Can I give up my parental rights and not pay child support anymore?

No, giving up your rights does not release you from the financial responsibility of supporting a child that you helped create. It only means that you will no longer be responsible for decisions that are made regarding the child.

And WHY have you not seen this child.

You have a right to.

Frankly, you have a moral obligation to.

I have not seen this child that I helped conceive for personal reasons. It was a one night stand at a party when I was seventeen. The mother was a year younger than I was and I disagreed completey with her decision to keep this child. She is now 21 living in a trailer with her boyfriend and five children, three children of her own, two of her boyfriends, collects a welfare check, and has two charges of child neglect against my child. I tried to get custody but all they could say was we'll give her one more chance before we take the kid away. How many chances does it take to neglect a child before he runs out in the road and gets killed?

You can give up all your rights, but you can not give up your legal obligations. They will start by takng your licese, then they will put you in jail, my son just did 6 months for in county jail for getting too far behind on his child support. ( which is about 1/2 of his pay)

Next it is your choice to see or not see the child, ( and your loss, since the child is yours and the child has rights to know who their father is.

And because she is a bad mother is all the more reason you should be getting the child for holidays, getting the child on the weekend, and making the life better for the child,

Let me just say, that no matter how bad that mother is, a father who neglects and has nothing to do their their child is a lot worst in my book,

So sorry no pity here, and there is no legal way out of it, you either pay up, or you lose your drivers license, next they may garnish your paycheck, so they get their money first, and next is jail if you don't pay in many states.

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Originally Posted by B_g

I have not seen this child that I helped concieve for personal reasons. It was a one night stand at a party when I was seventeen. The mother was a year younger than I was and I disagreed completey with her decision to keep this child. She is now 21 living in a trailer with her boyfriend and five children, three children of her own, two of her boyfriends, collects a welfare check, and has two charges of child neglect against my child. I tried to get custody but all they could say was we'll give her one more chance before we take the kid away. How many chances does it take to neglect a child before he runs out in the road and gets killed?

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First, the decision to keep the child is not up to you in any way, shape or form. Second, you seem to have some care for the child since you have tried to get custody. Don't give up! It is not easy to get custody away from the birth mother, but its possible in cases of abuse. Keep pressuring Children's services.

Your original question has been answered. You can try going back to the court and petition for a recalculation of your support payments. But giving up your parental rights will not remove your financial obligation. It will, however, remove any chance you have for custody or visitation.

So do you know through testing that the child is truly yours? I would petition for a dna test just to make sure. I don't think that she may honestly know for sure if it is or isn't. Just a thought. Are you on the child's birth cert? I would start there.

You all have been more than helpful and I have gotten the answer I was not exactly looking for but definitely expected. I was told it is in no way shape or form up to me whether she keeps the child or not. This is where we disagree. What if it was reversed? What if I wanted the child and she didn't and had it aborted, I would have no say so what so ever. If she wants to keep it and I don't, I also have no choice. I think if a man has no say so either way then there should be a way out of financial responsibility.

I know it doesn't seem fair but there it is. That's the way the law is at this point in time. The thing is you lost the right to walk away from the child when you contributed your sperm to its conception. That was a conscious decision on your part.

You talk of financial reponsibility, what of just old fashion responsibility? Don't go crying about what you need to do. I said I was going to stay out of this, but I hate it when boys think they are men, and when it counts they act like boys. Give me a break.

Give you a break? Grow up! Don't pretend to even have the slightest concept of how the situation has evolved into what it has. We were kids then and five years later I think I have grown up quite a bit. I have a fiancé that I love and have a child with and take 100% care of that child that was created out of love and compassion so don't speak to me about growning up until you can walk a day in my shoes!

Has the child been proven to be yours?

Kids playing adult games is no excuse to leave your own seed out in life alone. You have had 5 years to make up your mind as to seeing and being with your own kid. If your ex g/f (?) is even half as bad as you say, then you would be fighting for your own blood. I think your 23 now, and trying to be a family man, what better grounds to petition the courts for custody. Instead of trying to get out of something you did, the better course would be, in my mind at least, to try and correct past mistakes, and make a better life for those who depend on you. I can assure you, there will be no better feeling in the world than playing a major part in saving your sons life. I feel your anger and frustration, believe me, but before you give away your own shoes, you'd better think about keeping them, because you'll need them. I've already walked my shoes out and can sit down, as my last one, a 23 year old niece, just graduated from college which brings the total to 2 of my own and 3 nieces, who's father hasn't been seen in 20 years now. So now I sit barefoot and happy. Keep your shoes and just think about it that's all I ask. There is already to many boys who think they are men, out here. Good luck whatever you decide.

If you have never seen this child how do you know that it is mistreated? If I knew my child was being mistreated I would definitely fight for vistiation at least.

Only if someone else wants to adopt the child. Why are you unable to pay? How far behind are you in your payments? Taking away your license is an extreme measure, usually only done as a last resort. You mention that you "sometimes pay and sometimes don't." If you legitimately cannot afford the amount you're ordered to pay you should petition the court that issued the order for a modification based on changed circumstances.

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Originally Posted by B_g

Give you a break? Grow up! Don't pretend to even have the slightest concept of how the situation has evolved into what it has. We were kids then and five years later I think I have grown up quite a bit. I have a fiance that I love and have a child with and take 100% care of that child that was created out of love and compassion so don't speak to me about growning up until you can walk a day in my shoes!

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Having an additional child is legal grounds for getting the original support order modified. Petition the court now with evidence that the second child is yours; that'll probably entail a DNA test. Also, as other posters have suggested, make sure that the child you're currently under court order to support is in fact yours (unless you've admitted to it already.)