Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now, I'm 19 and he is 18. We are so very, very much in love. I know I love him, we live together and are engaged. However, we have been arguing allot lately. We broke up at christmas, I ended it with him as I felt like I was missing out on my youth being in such a serious relationship. I made a huge mistake ending it as I missed him everyday and realised this is exactly what I want. I want him, I want out house, I want our marriage. No matter of my age. But when we were separated (for 2 weeks I might add) He slept with 2 other people. What hurt is that at this time is that we thought I was pregnant. The day I went to the doctors for a test... he was sleeping with someone else. But we were broken up so I can't blame him for this. We got back together and everything was great. Then it all started... girls telling me to watch out, saying he had cheated, saying he told her he loved her when they slept together, saying it was more than a one night stand and had been going on since before we broke up. So I checked his phone (not saying this is write, its very wrong) but I found texts he had sent to the girl he was previously roommates with... saying things such as 'come get into my bed and we'll have a cuddle when you get in baby'... dated when we were together. He denied ALL these texts were sent from him and said someone else must have used his phone. I took his word for it. I also asked him about the things numerous people had told me and he denied it all saying they were jelous. A few weeks went by and I just had a gut feeling that something was not right. I checked his email and found masses of emails dating through our entire relationship to numerous other girls... but 3 impaticular. 2 of which were the girls he slept with when we separated. The emails to these two girls were sexually vulgar to say the least. What is worse is that the emails to this other girl were of more a relationship basis... feelings were definatley involved. I asked him about this too, which he again denied and said someone must have hacked into his email. I took his word for it again, what made me take his word is that he deleted all girls numbers from his phone, delete his email and social networking site. I thought this meant he was showing he didn't need the girls and so maybe he didn't send those messages. But its been about 6 months and I'm still not over it. I was in a violent relationship before my current partner and my self-esteem has never been the same, this situation is making me worse. I feel very down, very clingy and very insecure. I want to be easy going and not worry constantly that ill lose him. But its my behaviour now that is going to push him away. I really am confused. I just don't know what to do, who to trust, who to believe...

I thought you were going to say, next he said someone had used his penis when he was at the shops,and he knew nothing about it!

Stop this merry-go-round your on,this relationship sounds so toxic I don't know how you can breathe.

The mistrust has gotten to a point where you are ill,no relationship is worth your health,mental,physical,and emotional.

Even though you had broken up when he cheated,it did not take him long to replace you,sure the bed was not even cold before he had someone else in it.

My advice,get out of this relationship,get a lot of time for you,heal,heal heal.

With hindsight,hopefully you will see this guy was not for you.

You are having the wool pulled over your eyes big time.

Some body else used his phone - Bull s*it.

Some body else hacked into his email - Bull s*it.

You need to go to the doctors and get blood work done. Get tested for all the std's you can think of and protect yourself.

This person is obviously a player and your falling for the lies every single time.

Please get out of this relationship and go no contact. End it for good. I honestly do not think you should trust your boyfriend at all.

Dump him again but this time for good. You need to realize the first time you dumped him you were right. Get out and enjoy your life. Stay single and just have fun. Do not get bogged down by a relationship that will not go anywhere.

Do not trust him. Kick him to the curb for good.
This relationship has too many red flags and honestly do not think your mature enough and too naïve enough to be in ANY kind of relationship right now.

I understand what you're saying, I can see it too. It's just so much easier said than done. I love him and this is the person who saved me from a violent relationship. He built up my confidence and stopped me being frightened. He protected me and saved me from such a bad person in my life. And now he's changing and I can see that I'm kidding myself by believing him. I just want him to go back to being the person who saved me...

He saved you what, from being hurt again.

He might have saved you from a physically abusive relationship but now your being emotionally abused.

NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO SAVE YOU. You need to learn how to save yourself. You need to realize that the only person in control of your own life is YOU. YOU ALONE.

No one will do it for you, even if you think it has already been done. You just traded one bad person, for another bad person in your life just in different ways.

How was your family life growing up. Did you have any issues in your family. I also think it is time to seek out counseling and work out your issues on your own with help of a counselor.

If you do not learn these things on your own you will always be looking for somebody else to do it for you and that is no way to live your life.

Your young, really young. You need to have fun and enjoy life.

Joe

I have an amazing relationship with both my parents. They are happily married, but my dad did cheat when I was younger. It was such a horrible time. I can remember when my mum found out, my brothers were out so there was only me. I remember my mum crying and I just rested her head on my lap and stroked her hair as my dad left the house. I was about 9 yers old. But we all survived it and worked it out. And because they worked things out they are happier than ever. I'm very close to my dad and I know how much he regrets what he did. I have never and will never give him an excuse for her hurting my mum like that. But I love him as my dad. I have 2 older half brothers. My brother was so supportive to me when this happened they are a lot older so I was only a little girl and he really looked after me when I didn't understand what was happening.

First ill say this... no one deserved to be cheated on... you are not married to this guy... not committed to him in any way except that you love him... what you are doing is prolonging yourself from being hurt. I will share a personal experience with you... the guy I was dating last year was dating me and another girl... her long term... me not so long... when she found out he asked her to marry him... she did.. he deleted all his social accounts... gave her the password to her email... cleaned out his phone... except... he just created a new email... and he continued to talk to me... and be with me... telling her one thing and me another... he will continue to do what he likes because YOU cannot change him... no one deserves to be treated that way.. I learned the hard way... I was worth so much more... do I still miss him? Yes... but I'm on no contact and doing a good job... do I think he will be back? Yea more than likely when things go to with his wife he will try to call me and get me back.. but I will be with someone deserving of my love... it seems so hard when you are in love like there is no one else for you... trust me there is.. and once you find someone better you will think to yourself how did I ever put up with this? Think about it

That is a lot different then your situation. This is a continuous, liar, cheater and somebody who continues to deny it.

Your father, admit it, worked on it and as a family become stronger.

You can not compare the two, because they are both completely different.

Your so called boyfriend will not take any blame will not admit he did anything wrong. Which he has and will continue too.

As long as you always buy into his excuses and lies. You are only hurting yourself more and more.

It is up to you if you want to stay with a liar and cheat.

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I want to trust my boyfriend...

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But you can't, and never will, because you have to many FACTS that say he is lying.

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I love him and this is the person who saved me from a violent relationship. He built up my confidence and stopped me being frightened. He protected me and saved me from such a bad person in my life.

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He saved you for his own agenda, and is using your gratitude as a crutch to still need him, for your confidence and self esteem. He may have saved you from one hell, only to put you in another hell, HIS!!

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And now he's changing and I can see that I'm kidding myself by believing him. I just want him to go back to being the person who saved me...

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He hasn't changed, you are seeing his true nature through clear eyes. As you start to accept this, you will see his lies for what they are, and it will hurt, but you will eventually gain the strength and confidence to leave his hell as you left the other.

It may well be easier said than done, but that doesn't mean it should NOT be done. Do so now ASAP!!

Thanks everyone for your advice...
Lickemlolly, your advice made me feel I wasn't alone. Thank you so much.

But... I have decided to stay with my boyfriend, stand by my man.
Sometimes you do stupid things when you're in love, but I'm only 19... I have years to learn the lessons of life and maybe this will be one of them. Maybe ill get hurt... or maybe I won't. And if I do, I have people who love me and will be there for me so I'm not afraid anymore.

I want to say thanks again for everyone's amazing advice :)

Im 19 and my boyfriend is 19 in 3 weeks. We have been together for 3 years and are engaged to be married. I always dreamed of the big princess wedding day with all my family and friends around me. But now all that has changed all I want now is me and him to just run away together and get married, I don't want months of planning... or a honeymoon. A registry office next week would make me more than happy because its me and him. I said to my mum its not about the wedding day I always dreamt of, its about the marriage to the man I love. We live together at the moment and after we get married we plan to have children. My family and especially my parents are completely cool and happy for us on our decisions and plans. Its actually my friends who always seem shocked. They were happy when I told them I was engaged but think I'm too young to be married and tied down. Im very mature for my age, I'm not into partying or going out every night (been there done that) I am a homely girl, I clean, I cook, I love caring for people and looking after everyone. Im very much older in my ways than your average 19 year old girl... at the same time I like to enjoy life and see my friends. But I feel this is what I'm meant for... my ambition. I guess I'm asking do I wait? And why is it my friends think I'm too young? But my family don't?. do my family know the real me and can see I'm ready? Even though I'm young? So many questions.

I have mixed feelings here and I'm sure I'm going to be in the minority. I find the whole "living together" situation to be every bit as complicated as being married. If you are old enough to be in a committed relationship (which you obviously are) you are old enough to be married. And I agree - it's not about the dress and the flowers. It's about looking into the eyes of someone you love and saying those words.

As far as going out and seeing friends - that doesn't stop when you get married. You aren't going to stop living; you are just getting married.

On the other hand - if you are asking strangers on a public board if you are old enough to marry... are you old enough to marry?

You seem to have your head on straight as far as I'm concerned so I say, yes, get married.

When we were married my wife was 19 years old and I was 21. Your friends may really feel that your guy is to young. They say that boys don't mature like girls do. Just because he will be 19 in age doesn't mean he will act his age.

The reason I think you need to wait is your thread about 'wanting to trust your boyfriend': https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-481868.html

That thread is only about a week old. How much of what you told us in that thread does your family know and how much do your friends know?

It seems to me that you are afraid that if you don't marry him now, then he will disappear with someone else. That is not a good basis for a marriage. Work together to rebuild the trust and foundation of the relationship before breaking up involves lawyers and visitation rights.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

The reason I think you need to wait is your thread about 'wanting to trust your boyfriend': https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-481868.html

That thread is only about a week old. How much of what you told us in that thread does your family know and how much do your friends know?

It seems to me that you are afraid that if you don't marry him now, then he will disappear with someone else. That is not a good basis for a marriage. Work together to rebuild the trust and foundation of the relationship before breaking up involves lawyers and visitation rights.

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Do you have a place in your brain where you store all these old posts, so you can pull them out at will? :eek::D

I agree with JudyKay.. living together is as complicated as marriage.
As far as a big huge wedding.. It just adds a lot of stress. Save the money you would spend on the wedding for a nice honeymoon or new things for your home.

I hope you have a very nice small wedding and you both have a wonderful life together.

Yasmin,

My lady and I eloped when we were both 18.

For us it is a very regrettable mistake!

Not that we married, but that we married so young. There is so much that instantly change the day after your wedding day. Some are funny in retrospect, like my Lady's Aunt's thinking that she had to be pregnant so they would not give her any wedding gifts. We won that one. Our son did not arrive on the scene until 4 years later which helped prove that she was not pregnant when we married.

Neither of us experainced college or life.

We went from diapers to married.

I do not now or ever regret marrying this Lady. But I can tell you for sure the deck will be stacked against you. It can be done, but don't for a minute think that it will be easy.

Good luck!

You have a lot of good advice and I hope it helps you.

I don't think marriage at any age is "easy." Marriage is work, hard work, involving total commitment and a lot of sacrifices. If it works, it's well worth the time/trouble. If not, well...

I also don't think getting married "young" necessarily means you forfeit college. I got married young, I still went to college and graduated as do plenty of other people. Some people have a "you go to school and I'll work and then I'll go to school and you work" arrangement.

Takes some work - but doesn't everything you want?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I don't think marriage at any age is "easy." Marriage is work, hard work, involving total commitment and a lot of sacrifices. If it works, it's well worth the time/trouble. If not, well ...

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Eloping sure takes the stress off a couple. It is hard work. Good luck.