Asking for opinions on what to do
I think that my wife is considering an affair with an ex-boyfriend of hers, so I am hoping for opinions on what to do.
The back story... I apologize for this being to slow long; I'm trying not to leave out any details.
My wife and I met almost a decade ago. She had had a serious relationship with this guy (let's call him "Bob"), but they broke up because he moved far away for his job. I was the second guy that she semi-seriously dated after her relationship ended with Bob. We got married after dating for 2 years.
We had our first child a little more than 4 years ago and our second child three years ago. In the process of juggling two small children, two jobs, etc. we had a rough couple of years. We argued a lot and we discussed both going to marriage counseling and getting divorced. We never did anything, though. I felt like I was her lowest priority in life, so when anything could be put off... it was me.
Late last year, I spent a weekend alone while she visited her parents with the kids. I thought a lot about our marriage and I concluded that I had some major issues that I needed to get past -- mostly I was resentful that she continually felt like I was something that could be taken for granted. When she returned, we had a long, healthy talk and since then I thought that things were better. Literally, a week ago I told a friend that the last six months had been the best six months of our marriage.
Then, I bought us new cell phones and a new cell phone package that included unlimited data usage. She spent an entire night texting with Bob. Initially, this didn't bother me, as I trusted her and he lives several states away. I eventually went to bed, but couldn't sleep... and so I went downstairs to ask her when she was coming to bed... and she starting hiding her cell phone as if she had something to hide. I didn't confront her immediately (again, I trusted her).
The next morning, after not sleeping much, I checked her cell phone and she had deleted all of her text messages with him (she left all of her other texts from other people). At that time (~6am), I asked her about it and she said that nothing was going on and that she deleted the messages because there were so many (Bob is now married... she claimed that they were only talking about kids, houses, etc). She sent me a text (while I was in the house) stating that she loved her family and that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.
Later that morning, I decided to sneak a peak at her emails... and in the trash, I found a notification from her Facebook page. There, I found a conversation in which she said "I can't believe how much you have gotten into my thoughts lately. I have amazing dreams. Now I just have to not talk in my sleep". Later on, they discussed meeting next April on a trip that she was planning... and she said something about "April being too far; I want you to myself right now".
After reading all of this, I confronted her and asked her what was going on. She basically claimed that she was being stupid and that she was eliminating Bob as a Facebook friend and as a contact on her cell phone. We again talked about divorce and counseling, but we probably won't do anything. We talked about a couple of other issues and I think made some progress.
I told her that I would have serious trust issues after this entire incident, which unfortunately is true. I am incredibly worried about the two of them planning something for August while I will be traveling. I'd like to trust her, but yet I can't. I'd like to install some spy software on our computer to see if she is still e-mailing him, but I am worried that if I get caught doing that... that I will cause more harm than good.
Do you think that I should keep digging for evidence that they are planning something? Should I trust her? Should I try the spy software? Does it work?