My 13 year old son is haiving problems with friends and got very volatile to some of them via messaging and on Facebook. I asked him to be careful about how he responds to people he got angry and wrote me several nasty messages cussing me out and even threatening me. We try very hard around our home to not cuss and have respect for each other so this was a huge shock for me as he has never said the "F" bomb and the "B" word to my face. I asked for an apology and he would not give me one and even got more disruptive later in our message string. I am worried about him as he seems so depressed over his friends and it is going on for way too long! I already have he in counseling and both of us in family therapy. I have put up with so much abuse from him and am at wits end. His Dad (my ex) has done nothing to help the situation and I am certain he thinks it is funny my son treats me this way. He refuses to go to the counselor with me and his son and I and I feel like I am doing everything to try to help my son but he seems to be more withdrawn from me and even said he did not want to come back to me this week (we have shared custody). Please help I am at wits end and am so scared for my son.

The acceptance of his peers is so important to him in the teenage years,he is struggling to figure out where his place is,you're an easy target for his frustation,however in saying that he needs to understand there are consequences to his actions.

Separate the deed from the doer,you are disciplining his actions not him.

He needs to know you love him,but disaprove of his actions.

Give him clear boundries,in his world there is confusion and fear,with you there is contant love and rules,at least with you he knows where he stands.

Its great that you are getting him therapy,and you also need the support.

When you decide on a punishment see it through,be totally consistent and let him know why,in easy to understand terms.

Lead by example,walk the talk so to speak, I have no doubt he loves you,he's is just lost in those difficult years.

Speak to your ex,he may think its funny now,but he won't be laughing as his son gets older and shows him the same disrespect.

You both need to be on the same page,your both still his parents,and both still need to stand firm.

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Originally Posted by concernedhelpmom

My 13 year old son is haiving problems with friends and got very volatile to some of them via messaging and on facebook. I asked him to be careful about how he responds to people he got angry and wrote me several nasty messages cussing me out and even threatening me. We try very hard around our home to not cuss and have respect for each other so this was a huge shock for me as he has never said the "F" bomb and the "B" word to my face. I asked for an apology and he would not give me one and even got more disruptive later in our message string. I am worried about him as he seems so depressed over his friends and it is going on for way too long! I already have he in counseling and both of us in family therapy. I have put up with so much abuse from him and am at wits end. His Dad (my ex) has done nothing to help the situation and I am certain he thinks it is funny my son treats me this way. He refuses to go to the counselor with me and his son and I and I feel like I am doing everything to try to help my son but he seems to be more withdrawn from me and even said he did not want to come back to me this week (we have shared custody). Please help I am at wits end and am so scared for my son.

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So I presume that he was at his father's house when the nasty messages were being send? How did you know what messages he was sending on his Facebook and messaging, do you have access to his passwords?

You say it was a huge shock for him to use the F, and B words. Are you also shocked with his behaviour, or has this part been going on for some time.-and how did he threaten you.

Why exactly is your son in therapy? Is it due only to the problems with his friends, or is there more to this. Does he have mental health issues that have been assessed, or diagnosed? Is he on medication for anything?

The way you have described him, to me at least, seems that you are either way over the top worrying about his social life and his language, or, there is far more to this story than you have written so far to justify your fear for your son.

Have you had him drug tested? If he is threatening you and using filthy language then it's up to you to stop it.

If he is threatening others on Face book or text messaging that is called cyber-bullying and it is against the law... Get him some help

He may be a victim of bullying or some other form of bad treatment by his friends.
I would suggest talking with some of the parents of some of his friends to see if they have any knowledge of anything going on.