I am an mba in hr and it.a lecturer right nw. on 5th may 2009 I did love marriage but only after 20 days we started arguments and now every thing is out of my controle.after each 10 days we fight and I come to my parents for 4-5 days abuse each other, and then after a counseling or interfere of elders we make some compromise and den live very happily, but without any solid reason we argue and fight again. I love him very much and can't live without him, but he does not love me so more and I want to end my life now.

Hi, pallavi.meerut!

Ending your life would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't have to do that. There is a solution somewhere.

Are you by yourself right now?

Thanks!

Are you still there, pallavi.meerut?

I know that you're looking around at other forums.

You have many problems to solve, and dying over them is not a solution. Stick to counseling, and meeting with your elders for guidance through this very tough time.

I know you feel devastated because you've had a few hiccups in your marriage, but from what I can tell from your post its early days yet, and all marriages have hiccups and all couples have arguments, its part of getting used to being a WE and no longer a me.

Im sure it'll all blow over and look better in a day or two, also there is a way you can stop arguments,
You can refuse to take part in them, a person cannot argue alone, ( not under 40! lol)

Also think of the making up side to it all, seriously it may seem like the end of the world it isn't, life goes on, and so will you, if you die just think of how many people are going to be unhappy, lots of them , friends family, Im sure you wouldn't want that...

Seriously things will look better tomorrow or next day. Its not worth dying for, because it will get better.

I hope you feel happier real soon, hey why not think of say your boss naked LOL, or something like this, and try to smile...

Smiles are contageous , spread some happiness SMILE!!

No one other person should have that much control over our life, and of course you can live, and in fact find a lot more happiness without someone that does not really love us.

Accepting less than the best for ourself is never an answer.

A good rule of life, if there is anything in our life that we think we can't live without, we need to live without it, since it has taken control of us

I think it's good to fight. If the madness gets stored up then one of you will explode and that would be a problem. My wife and I argued a lot. We were married over 46 years.

Pallavi,

Last Tuesday at 2:30 AM (Eastern U.S.A.) we got news that Tiffany L. (24 years old, mother of two small girls) killed herself!

It seems that Tiffany thought that her louse of a husband would come to her aid if she were in trouble. HE DID NOT!

She went out to the porch of her home, climbed up on a chair, put a noose around her neck and tied it off.

Because she was pumped full of alcahol and pills, she passed out and hung herself.

She leaves behind a devastated mother, grandmother and grandfather. A sister who blames herself for Tiff's death because she and her mother were fighting and had they not been fighting, her mother may have gotten to her in time to save her. She also leaves behind 2 small children who were being taught by the louse to call their mother such words a "C*nt"

My granddaughter who is 17, now has to return home to Tiffany's funeral and try to come to grasp
With the effects this death is having on her. Right now the effects are distant and remote, however that will change horribly so when we return to Kentucky so she can attend the viewing and the funeral for her cousin (sister, they were that close)

Most if not all of Tiffany's family tried to reach out and help Tiffany, but she rebuffed these attempts, because like you, she believed she could not live without him. He did not care that she died and for all I know he did not care that she lived. He abused and cheapened her and defiled her in any way he could.

That treatment paralysed Tiffany into thinking that she was worthless and deserved such treatment. Tiffany instead of choosing help choose to subjugate herself to this pig. Now we must go and bury a child we had come to love as if she were our own. We will gather with family, say our goodbyes and forever worry whether we could have done anything else that might have saved her.

You are facing the same choices for what appears to be the same reasons. DO NOT LET THE BASTARD DESTROY YOU!

If he wants to be miserable, let him be. You will find out that you can live without him. There are people in your world that will be happy to have you in their lives.

I firmly believe that God wants the best for us. I also firmly believe that we have the responsibility to claim that goodness.

Please, take hold of yourself, see the goodness in you and the people around you and cling to that as hard and as fast as you can. Get away from this creep and reclaim yourself.

You do not need to die, you need to pull yourself together and start to help yourself.

You and your problem will be in my prayers as I attend Tiffany's funeral. I pray that you stay alive and free yourself.

Its quite easy to say that problems are temporary and that they will be solved, but some problems have no end and some people in this world are chosen by god to get troubles and problmes for their entire life. No matter how positive they be something or the other happens and then there is only one sloution to all the problems when no one understands you, you are asked to compromise on everything by your family, you are being balnckamiled emotionnaly by your family for everything.

Only happy happy people can give suggestions to be happy to fight and so on...
But obeserve the sufferes what if you all were in their place.
I too want to die as soon as possible , but...

People do understand what you are going through- did you read Don's response?

Suicide is never an answer for anything.

You need to learn how to be assertive, but polite, and argue constructively. So does your husband.

There is an art to expressing any serious emotion, and anger is one of them. It is okay to be angry, but if you keep going in circles without any resolve, then you are not resolving conflicts.

When conflicts build up, so too does stress, and thinking that extreme measures will solve problems.

When you leave and go to your parents, and then return, nothing changes. Shouldn't you be solving problems in your own home without your parents?

When you go to counselling, whoever is counselling you (a family member?), may himself or herself, not know enough about conflict resolution to guide you to solve the problems you keep having.

The very bottom line is communication. You communicate your needs, he communicates his. Then you compromise, and talk, and yes, argue constructively, and learn when to let it go, cool off, and talk some more.

With your frustration at nothing being solved, you have to take some responsibility for having poor communication skills, and stop thinking that ending it all will somehow fix things.

Seek counselling outside the family, and try to keep others opinions, ideas, and guidance out of the picture. See if you and your husband can't seek counselling independent of them, and learn how to communicate.

It really is a good alternative to throwing it all away because you don't know what to do.

Pallavi - ABCDEDF,

I hope this missive finds you both alive and reasonably well.

Abcdedf - I understand what you are saying and I agree in principal with what you said, however, I strongly disagree that the solution is to remove yourself from life.

Somewhere in the core of your misery is an issue or issues that you can't resolve. Can you let us know what it is.

There are some "givens" for example, you cannot control others nor can you force them to bend to your will. They control themselves.

If you are repeating a behavior over and over again and getting the same result, look at changing the behavior.

My Lady and I have faced a lot over the last 45 years. We had three infants die shortly after birth.

We both had friends come home from Viet Nam with life altering changes. Some came home in body bags. Our parents and grandparents have passed away. My oldest brother passed away from stomach cancer. My sister lost her twins to two different kinds of cancer.

My middle brother was on one of the fire department teams that were called to the World Trade Center the first time the site was bombed.

My sister had worked at the Trade Center 3 years before the second attack. One Nephew had his office moved up-town 3 months before the attack. Another nephew had his fiancée on a business trip to the WTC on the day of the attack. It took 3 days to learn that she escaped unharmed.

Life can really be crappy at times. I am not a constantly happy person every day of my life.

I almost died of a PE back in 1992. To this day, I thank God in the morning and evening for the gift of life. That I had one more day to spend with my wife and family. I even thank God for the anguish/joy of taking care of a 2 yr. old and 5 yr. old boy most of the day.

Tiffany was laid to rest on Monday afternoon and the constant dull pain of memories started closing in on us all. The funeral is over and all the attention gets dropped and Mom, brother, sister, grandmother and grandfather are left to mourn after the loss of Tiffany.

I loved Tiffany dearly (as a niece) and I cannot find any solace in having her torn away from a family that loved her.

I will pray that each of you can find some corner of your world to find peace in and heal yourselves.

Pain is here for everyone, no one gets through this life on a free ride. But that s not a reason to destroy yourselves.

My prayers are with you.

Hello I am Brandon aged 14 I know what everyone is thinking at the moment what does a kid know.
I have actually been told I am too mature for my ages people everywhere I go tell me I act like a 20+ year old which I do not mind.
The thing is that you can live with out him and if a relationship isn't meant to be it will not go very well.
I myself have not been in a relationship but I have been through some times when I thought about killing myself or as others call it ending my life. The thing is everyone has that someone out there somewhere and yours may or may not be him there is no real reason to end your life over something small. Your properly thinking what the hell this kid is stupid its not small and yes it is a small reason to suicide I have been beaten, depressed, low self esteem and no confidence, pushed when I was already down, been told to kill myself, even my family doesn't pay attention to me, my necks been cut by some boys when I was younger my cousins uncles always beat me up to show that they where stronger and wanted me to admit no matter what they did I got back up and faced my battles head on and that is everyday the only reason I did this is because I knew that I'm strong I knew that no matter what happens there is something good in life later on in maybe 10 years or more. But now after 6 years of depression I feel life my family doesn't tell me they love me only to others they say they love them I don't get told "I love you" I don't get talked about by my family if I do its usually he's good someone asked my dad and my mum if they loved me they said "no i don't hes not good at anything he wont do me well" as I'm saying no matter how tough the challenge get back up and try again
Good Luck And I wish you well I hope you or anyone else that has been in pain like this reads this to

Hello there, my name is Kodi Behrens. I'm not genius, nor am I perfect. I just want to share a few things with you. Number 1, in life you will cross obstacles which require a boost from another being. Will you have one? If not how will you feel? Terrible right? That's exactly why I'm here. 90% of the people in the world feel the similar if not same pain as you do. I have had my share of run ins with the many speed bumps life has to offer. I'm not sure what your going through but I'm sure someone has it worse. If I told you about god would you believe me? Probably not, which is what most people do. But if I told you life is a gamble how would you respond? Well, in my eyes responding is more acceptable than retaliating or reacting. It allows me to share with you a point that most people ignore. Lets think logically, life is a gamble right? You may win you may lose, but ultimately you never win unless you chance it right? God is the same way, if you don't believe or have faith what happens after you die? Do you get shoved into the dirt and that's it? Well that's fun, right. I think not, but what's positive about that situation? Nothing! Now what if I told you if you believed in Jesus and followed in his word you have two choices after death. One being you go to heaven and spend eternity with your fallen family. Pretty nice thing right? No worries, nothing negative. The other choice is you sin, and spend eternity in hell as a slave. Now we have our choices, lets weigh out our pros and cons. Would you rather be spirit less under ground or still have hope for an after life? After life seems fair. Number 2, always remember yourself. Your alive for a reason, that reason is what your searching for. Which explains why you feel this way. Your upset because life isn't treating you fair. Well, life does this to us all. The way I see it is, "it happens to the best of us," something my grandfather always told me before he breathed his last breath. This one quote holds lots of hidden meaning. The best of us are the ones who struggle, the worst of us are the ones who done give a rats behind about anything and just enter a life of crime and darkness. You posted online, which symbolically means you care, and want more for yourself. This is great, and I want you too feel great too. Your not insane! Your human, and your allowed to make mistakes, just don't let mistakes make you. By now I hope your feeling better. Hope all is well.