Where to start

Well I'm 25 with 2 girls aged 2.5years and 6 months old I'm a stay at home mum.
My husband is 36 this is his second marriage.

The thing is I get nothing from him, there's no love as such, I'll explain below.

No kisses
Cuddles
Nice comments when I make the effort despite having looked after 2 kids all day
No communication as such unless there's nothing on the TV
No gifts

We have just passed our first anniversary and I didn't even get a gift, nor on mothers day from my girls (I got card) he gave me a bear for my birthday. I think of myself as a kind of romantic I but him gifts right him poems on special days I love cuddling kisses holding hands, but I get nothing from him. We have been together 4.5 years now and I'm getting sick of the fact in telling him I need more from him, and I wish sometimes that I would find someone that could give me that despite the fact I love him so much.

I don't know where to go from here Ive talked about this so many times with him and next day he slaps my bum for example as a joke as if he is making a connection with me.

I have many issues with our relationship that never seem to get sorted even when I spend days arguing or crying about it to him.

Where do I go from here?? Please advice needed.

Sorry about spelling mistakes, typed really fast :)

Hey there :P

Well I would say why are you with him did you know he was like this before you married him? If so your big mistake there girl and I'm sorry you got into this.

If talking has failed I would say move on.. there are 6 billion people in this world why be around people that don't show you reffection or love? It is as simple as that

Thank you for replying

When we first got together it was fine we were at it all the time though still no holding hands etc I thought that was because we worked together he didn't want to seem to keen around work mates.

Now were married with kids it still hasn't changed and I feel alone most of the time. He gives me everything I want or ask for, if you like he supports me finacially not emotionally.

Its hard to get up and go with 2 kids and still loving him but I need more and he doesn't get it. Suppose it is my fault for coming this far knowing what he is like 4.5 years ago

Life gets in the way of romance...

Is there anyway you two could get a babysitter and get out for a night,just the two of you.

Date night is important for couples,take turns to pick something for you both to do.

Make time for sex,make time for cuddling on the couch when the kids are asleep.

I don't think your husband does not love you,only he has not heard you.

When you get a quite moment,ask him to pick an evening where you can go out together,something fun,bowling,or pool,somewhere you can talk and do something as well.

If it does not work,ask him about marriage councilling,say that you feel you both would benefit from it.

With one divorce under his belt,I doubt he's in a hurry for another one,I bet when he realises your serious,he'll play ball.

We work for the british forces overseas so our familys are bk in uk, where were at is closing down so there is no one here anymore, so babysitters are out the window.

We just got back off holiday with no kids for a week and still nothing, sex at night for 4 nights but that was it.

He try with the cuddling on the couch but he's not interested as ''it's not comfpy''.

He went to marriage councilling with his first wife and never worked out she left him, and I'm thinking for the same reasons, his selfishness really, at which is mother likes to drop in confersation now and then.

I just don't no how to come across to him and say it anymore as I've tried so many times, talking, arguing about it, crying, letters it doesn't work.

Will he ever see sense in what I'm saying or is this it for me at the age of 25.

This is it for you at the age of 25? Your life I just getting started!

You are very young.. and so are your kids. You will both get on alone very well..

Why stay in a loveless place for the sake of false hope?

It may sound harsh..
But what's harsh is brining your kids up in that typ of place, remember they can feed of the vibes I'm sure its not a very happy home now when you guys are together..

You are probable angry at him or upset and he is.. as you say.. in another world of his own.

I do think you are right and it will take some time to think about walking away, would I be making the right decission for the sake of no emotion in our relationship - yes and no.
Don't want to spend to long thinking about it or ill still be here in years time wondering will it get better, I need to do a lot of talking with myself before packing up and moving out with the kids.

Our relationship is full of laughs little love but love, few arguments,but nothing more.

I respect your comments and will take on board just now to think ahead and what's best I think, as I don't want to be 10 years down the line wishing for him to be more emotional.

I think perhaps talking to him about marriage councilling for you both is still an option.

Don't dismiss any chance you can of saving your marriage.

Get him back to the table and try a new way to communicate,either with a meditator,or a third party that may help.

Do the army offer councilling to couples?

It's definitely a hard spot to be in. Unless he is willing to change or you are willing to accept his limited capacity for affection, there's not anything you can do to make someone do anything. You can try to come up with a means of coping, but if you can't cope, maybe it's just time to move on.

You need to sit down with him and start talking about how you feel and how he feels. DO NOT sit him down and say, "I get no candy, no roses, no hugs or kisses." Say something like, "Sweetie, things have changed. I live with you and I still miss you. We lost something in our relationship and we just keep growing apart. Do you feel it too?" Most likely, he'll say yes. If he does, ask him what he's feeling and what he's thinking. If he says no, then start telling him how you feel.

Some people are just not outwardly affectionate... may be how he was raised. Is he loving and affectionate towards the kids?

It's possible that to him, supporting his family and being faithful to you is showing affection. His love language is different from yours and he's probably uncomfortable with displaying affection in ways that you would prefer. Read the book The Five Languages of Love - it may help!

In the end, it's all up to you to decide if it's worth it. If you are really unhappy with getting little to no affection and he won't put forth any effort to work on the relationship, it may be time to leave.

So for the last 3 years or so you have been going through child birth, and the related stresses that go with it.

Give yourself a couple of more years to completely heal, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In that time as you heal, you can build a life, and home that is both orderly, and secure, as you AND your man reconnect, and make the adjustments it take to be on the same page, and reestablish honest communications and caring.

He might not of carried the load you did but he was there for the whole thing. And another thing is your circumstances, as being away from home with no family and real friends would be tough on any relationship. Military life by definition is tough, and requires a lot of discipline. For now these things work against you. Such are the trials of life, but being honest here when I read a post, or talk to a person, and its ALL about them, I know it's a lack of empathy involved here also as people don't radically change unless events are radical.

What was great, and attractive before, is no longer as great, as things have changed, but people have not. I know for a fact that you are overwhelming him at this stage of the game, because he is not so much selfish, as clueless as to what your reacting to in him. You have been through a lot in those 4 years having two babies and now as the dust starts to settle, you both must adjust. Him to family life, with a wife with emotional needs and two kids, and you with a disciplined military guy who may have to up and change everything in a second.

Now you can quit and give it all up now when reality is hard, many do, but adversity defines a relationship, and for now its you being independent and being happy with yourself, and what you are doing that will get you through the hard times and lay the foundations for your future.

That's my advise, Be patient through the healing process, and independent, and responsible for your own happiness, because with two kids, healthy, and happy, you have a lot to be happy about, and grateful for.

Your partner is hardly perfect, nor are you, none of us is, but to just bail because another cannot meet your needs is rather premature at this point, and I imagine he can make a case for you being needy, insecure, and emotional, when he is tired. My point, build your own life that makes you happy within the marriage, as you work to be reconnected and establish communications now that reality has moved in with you.

That may take a while, years maybe, but if you bail now, and go it alone, with two kids, what the heck makes you think the next guy will be perfect? There will be many hard times for a single mom, that has to work, and very little time for the romantic notions you crave. I think over time you will reconnect if you're both willing and can talk to each other and LISTEN! But I can tell you from experience, if he isn't talking, it may take time for him to learn to. He was probably raised that way, and has his own adjustments to make.

The bottom line in this, work to train the dog you're with before you look for another stray to take in, and start this whole mess over. I just don't think you have put the time in to heal, and get to work on yourself at this point, and emotional decisions, are seldom good ones without looking at facts with a clear mind.

It's a simple as letting him get comfortable before you cuddle. And be willing to change positions when his arm, or leg goes numb. As simple as not overwhelming him when he gets home so he can adjust from where he has been. Or appreciating the roof over your head, and the food on the table, or not having to work all day for peanuts and live in a cramped studio, and running for baby sitters or paying for daycare.

Give it at least two years of honest effort to make yourself happy. Is that a lot to expect after spending the last 3 years distracted from each other?? Let the dust settle at least.

Just what do you think marriage is.

It isn't about gifts and cuddling. If that was what you wanted from him, obviously he is one of those men that fall short in that department. But, is that how you judge him?

Is he a good father? Is he loyal and faithful, and loves you with all his heart? Is he a good provider for the family. Is he interested in the world around him, and has values and a sense of moral responsibility? Can he carry on an intelligent conversation about the news of the day?

Does he help around the house cutting the grass, fixing things, Is he well liked by his neighbours, friends and relatives?

Why don't you say, next birthday, about a week in advance, that you are going to a day spa for a day of pampering and relaxation, and that will be your gift from him and the kids. I bet he would say- GREAT!

Why not tell him, or offer some suggestions as to what you would like on your birthday. Again, in advance, tell him your birthday is coming up in two weeks, and you'd like him to think about getting you a new bike, or a certain perfume, or to take you out to dinner at your favourite restaurant.

You are telling him, what he won't figure out by himself. You are also giving him the benefit of the doubt that if he had some clue as to what you wanted, he would get it for you.

If that is all you have to worry about, and he's an otherwise wonderful husband and father, try another tactic, and stop with the tears already.

Damn it TAL! How much rep do I have give before I green you up!

Amazing advice there. Just stunning.

I need some help and advice please if people can.

Cut a long story short, Im a 25 year old mother of two who lives out in germany with her husband as he has a contract out here for another 3 years.

I've been here already for 9 years and I want to move on as it is causing so much stress and preassure on me with no friends and no life, I am lonely out here.

My husband can't except this and we have decided to split up as he wants to stay out here in germany, he does not want to move back to uk with me and the kids, the love has well and truly gone.

I have never really lived in uk as my father was in the army so I don't have a place to call home.

My question is because my husband will not help me get back is, how do I go about getting back to england finding a place to live for me and my kids with no financial help from my partner. Do I have to register when I'm there?

I'm really stuck at the moment I don't know what I'm doing whether I'm coming or going, all I want to do is get out this house and start a fresh with my kids.
I have no contacts in uk which makes it even harder for me, as I couldn't even stay with someone until I was on my feet.
Please help and point me in the right direction. Thanks

Hmm, this is a tough one. Are you a British passport holder or have dual nationality?

The next question is where do you want to live in the UK? Do you have any friends/family here at all? If you're a British citizen then you can apply for a whole plethora of benefits to help you get started and a place to live.

With regard to child maintenance you can obtain this from your husband in certain cases, otherwise you'll have to apply through the courts - of course discussing this with him in a reasonable way beforehand is always a better approach!

Apply from abroad - Setting up child maintenance - Child Support Agency

Hi thanks for replying

I have a full british passport (im british).

I have one place in mind where to live, I have no family or friends there, its where my dad grew up and where my granny used to live so I know parts of the place.

I will now get searching on how to get started getting back over.

If you plan on leaving get a divorce lawyer and see what can be done because its awful hard to go someplace to start over without a plan to feed and shelter your children with no job prospects.

A lawyer can help you make a plan and get your finances from your husband. You will need every penny.