So my mother and step father are going through a divorce, he is moved out and gone. She has been talking to my real dad for quite sometime now. My sister and I know him and "like" him, so our mother thinks.
All my real dad has caused troubles, my mom has turned fake because of him.
Well a few weeks ago she was complaining that she couldn't sleep because my step dad would turn off the t.v. I guess she would fall asleep because of the t.v. So I, being the caring daughter, said that my mother and I could have this sleepover type thing and I would sleep in her bed and turn off the t.v. That was a few weeks ago. Now I can't get out.
She has been a real lately and I'm afraid that if I leave (to sleep in my room) she will get mad at me and yell at me.
She has been crazy to the point where she yells at my real dad (over the phone) and today she yelled at my sister's boyfriend for being "rude" which he isn't. Personally, I think she is going crazy. She just yelled at me, right just a second ago, for nothing, because I might "join forces with my sister in thinking she is a b word ."
I truly hate her.
So my question is, how to I get out of her room, without getting her even more mad?
Please don't judge us, our family has fallen to bits, so has mine and my sister's life.
Thank you
(This might not be in the right section, very sorry)

No takers? Hmmmp. Well, the devil awaits me

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Originally Posted by ThinkTink

(This might not be in the right section, very sorry)

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It's fine right where it is:)

Your ages are suspect here(a little),I am guessing you are in your late teens,which is fine,this is a time where emotions are pretty strong and you are becoming your own person.

I suggest first:

Remember that their problems aren't for you to solve.They are adults,you are a 'child',you need to separate your desire to 'make things work' and concentrate only on your needs.

I know that sounds selfish,and it is.But... where have your actions taken you thus far?You have put yourself in places where you now feel uncomfortable.And now you need to find the courage to back off,to find your own safety zone.

The site I am going to offer might be difficult to understand,or easy, (it depends on perspective I guess.)

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Making things clear to her(mother) that you are no longer OK with the TV situation,you are not the parent and she needs to be the parent again.YOU NEED YOUR MOTHER BACK!

Please read that section about setting boundaries and come back(if you want to discuss them),I and many others would like to discuss where we think you would benefit the most.

Hope this helps.

KBC

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Originally Posted by ThinkTink

No takers? hmmmp. well, the devil awaits me

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It takes time to respond,allow some to come online(perhaps in the AM here in the states),or even later tomorrow,many of us work 40 or more hours a week and simply don't have the capacity that a teen does.. ;)

So I looked at the site, that you gave me, I know that's what I need to do, but I'm afraid. I' afraid that she will be mad at me. I'm afraid of what she will say. I'm afraid I won't know what to say, which I don't

Try me out for practice.. then as we discuss things,perhaps we can come up with a commentary you will be comfortable with:)

This wouldn't really work with her, she is really mad right now, so she would say something mean to hurt my feelings or say something like, "I don't care, I didn't want you here anyway." That's what she is doing to my sister right now, she went into my mom's room to say sorry, and now she is yelling at my sister.
I don't know what to say or do

No,it won't work with her, not with this defeatist attitude you have.

You are going to have to do this anyway.. for your own good.This is the first step in learning a new coping skill,one you will use for the rest of your life.This could open many doors for you in the future,many!

Is there any time(day or night)where mother isn't so edgy that you can actually have a chat?

I don't know anymore, we used to talk all the time, today just doesn't seem good to talk. I will talk to her tomorrow, when she isn't so crazy. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you're a life saver

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Originally Posted by ThinkTink

I don't know anymore, we used to talk all the time, today just doesn't seem good to talk. I will talk to her tomorrow, when she isn't so crazy. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you're a life saver

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Look at that site I offered, read it,then read it again.. I bookmarked it so I can reference it as often as I can, since I tend to allow others to 'use me' for their benefits, to tread on me when I know I need to set a boundary... then I can go back and rethink my actions,relearn the actions offered by setting healthy boundaries.

You can come here and just vent to your hearts content,any time.. none here can say they haven't done that from time to time..

I really do hope you can find some peace in all this chaos:)

I am off for the night, have a good one(as much as you can anyway)

KBC

I agree with KCB.

If your mother is being difficult to manage,you need to call in reinforcements,an aunt,grandmother,your dad,a friend of hers or the family,someone who can see she needs some kind of intervention.

You can't do this on your own,nor can your sister,but you can with the right back up.

There might be something going on in her life that you don't know about,if you think she needs help,and you need help,take the first step and ask for help.

Thank you so much, I also bookmarked the site, you kept me through this craziness. Without you KBC, I wouldn't have made it through last night. I will keep you posted, she is still mad so I will tell her soon.
Thank you so so so very much!

I'm wondering if your mother has always behaved this way, or is this something that just started recently, or because of the breakup with your step-father. Also wondering if this is new behaviour for her, what do you think started or caused it, and when she is in a good mood, does she realize how she's been?

Is your father in the picture. Is it possible for you to go and stay with him for the time being.

How old are you?

Some of this sounds like menopause to me. I'm not diagnosing in any way, shape or form, but I've known some women who have severe symptoms.

Does she work outside the home? If she does, does she manage to hold herself together and manage to be 'normal' to others? In other words, can she shut it off and on.

As to the sleeping arrangement, that has to stop. Suggest that she buy a TV with a sleep timer she can program. If she can fall asleep with the TV on, then why do you need to be there to turn it off. Why not just leave it on all night.

While I agree with setting boundaries, it might be a good idea to also add more information to see if that is appropriate at this time, (without knowing why she's behaving this way). I would start with the night time sleeping arrangement first, and see how that goes. Stick to telling her you aren't going to sleep in her room anymore, and suggest the suggestions or alternatives mentioned here.

That way you haven't left yourself in a position without giving her some practical solutions first. I'm sure she's quite capable of sleeping with the TV on, and hopefully she can go buy a TV with a sleep timer.

More information would be very helpful. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by ThinkTink

Thank you so much, I also bookmarked the site, you kept me through this craziness. Without you KBC, I wouldn't have made it through last night. I will keep you posted, she is still mad so I will tell her soon.
Thank you so so so very much!

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I am glad you have found some peace with this.I am also glad the girls have responded here also,as this can become a difficult position for a male to be in with a teenage girl, know what I mean?

The women can ask ages,etc,where a male it could be easily misconstrued as something other than an attempt to help.My intentions are to help,not otherwise.

If you can address us all,a little more information would help us to gather our minds around what it might be that you are all going through.