I am having terrible pangs of guilt over something that wasn't even my fault! Well it was, if you consider that I behaved pretty stupidly. Last summer, I had a fling with a guy, who after I slept with him, I found out had a girlfriend! I was livid, to say the least, to find out that he had been with his girlfriend for about 4 years. And I felt terribly stupid... (long story). Needless to say, I was falling hard and fast for him, and it was really difficult when I found out the truth. I continued to see him "professionaly" but cut off any other ties with him. We work together, and we have remained cordial with one another, though I have to admit it is excruciating to see him all the time! A few weeks ago he was boosting around the office about getting engaged. He proposed to his girlfriend, and they are not engaged! Now, the fact that I know that he is a cheater and his gf/fiance doesn't is eating away at me!! I don't know her, and have no desire to meet her, so it's hard to understand why I am the one that is feeling guilty and he apparently is totally fine and thrilled to be engaged! I can't help but think about how I would HATE being her and to not know such a painful secret about my fiancé... This is my burden to carry... and it is my secret, as I am not the type to go around sharing this with anyone. (only a few close friends know what happened last summer, and none know this gem of a guy). I guess I'm just looking for some support and the anonymous type seems to be the best considering the circumstances. I just want to know I'm doing the descent thing by staying "mum!" I know I was stupid to have a fling with someone I thought was honest and was into me... and felt even more stupid when I learned the truth... thanks for listening... Urgghhhh...

Its not your problem,you did not know,and although you now know he cheated on his fiancé,you have nothing to gain by spilling the beans,and she may not believe you anyway.

You know he's a cur,he knows he's a cur,and what goes around comes around.

You don't have to be the one to break her heart,and he will deny it,(im betting),say your jealous or some such thing.

Your pride was hurt,your heart was hurt,but at least your not the one engaged to him.

So,for me,yes I think your doing the right by staying 'mum'.

You did nothing wrong, so the guilty feelings need to go. He was the dirty dog who cheated.

I know how you're feeling. You know that since he cheated with you that he will probably continue to cheat with other women, but it's not your problem. His fiancée will find out soon enough without any help from you, so continue keeping quiet.

Start with forgiving yourself for a human mistake. When you found out the truth, you took the very hard, and brave actions, to remove yourself from the situation.

In my book, you're a winner. Way to look out for yourself, and do the right thing, despite some very strong feelings. Let go of that guilt, which is nothing but anger at yourself, which you have more than made up for, I think, by your very positive actions.

I agree with all the above... Time will tell... once a cheater always a cheater. Be glad you're not the fiancée. Be proud.. you are a much better person than he is...

I think you are feeling guilty because you know this girl will get hurt in the future when she finds out her fiancee/husband is a cheater. But unfortunately you have no place to tell her. She will find out he's a cheater eventually. Be thankful you aren't with him anymore!

I agree it wouldn't be right to tell her, in doing this you could find they split up and then you'll feel even worse.

As has been said already this guy will carry on being as he is, and in time his partner will also find out, but that's not your fault or responsibility, you've done the decent thing by keeping away from him.

Now you just need to forgive yourself and forget him.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

I agree it wouldnt be right to tell her, in doing this you could find they split up and then youll feel even worse.

As has been said already this guy will carry on being as he is, and in time his partner will also find out, but thats not your fault or responsibility, youve done the decent thing by keeping away from him.

Now you just need to forgive yourself and forget him.

Good Luck.

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Yep!

Thanks everyone... I definitely agree with everyone, but just needed a little bit of confirmation that I was on the right track. I do feel bad that this poor girl is engaged and celebrating possibly one of the greatest moments of her life, and there is this huge secret that could affect her quite negatively. I know it's not my place to tell her, but I would hate to be in her shoes. Part of me hopes she never finds out and they live in perfectly married bliss! I would hate receiving a blow like that if I were her and found out many years down the road. The other part of me hopes that he does tell her and "saves" her from marrying him without knowing... oh well... it's tricky! Thanks again...

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Originally Posted by juanitabenitez

Thanks everyone...I definitely agree with everyone, but just needed a little bit of confirmation that I was on the right track. I do feel bad that this poor girl is engaged and celebrating possibly one of the greatest moments of her life, and there is this huge secret that could affect her quite negatively. I know it's not my place to tell her, but I would hate to be in her shoes. Part of me hopes she never finds out and they live in perfectly married bliss! I would hate receiving a blow like that if I were her and found out many years down the road. The other part of me hopes that he does tell her and "saves" her from marrying him without knowing....oh well...it's tricky! Thanks again...

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Good Luck to you.:)