Ask Me Help Desk - Sex with wife since hysterectame

I am a 31 yr old man, married for 5 years to a 29 year old beautiful woman, with 4 awesome children. My wife had a hysterectame almost 3 months ago. Since the surgery, our sex lives has pretty much diminished... not because of me. I find my wife as irresistible as the first day I laid eyes on her, but from her it has dwendled down to nothing. I've tried to understand that it's the surgery and not me, but it's so hard considering what we had once before. I've actually become more open to her in so many more area's since the surgery, like listening to her, surprising her with florwers, or making her a surprise hair appointment, or nail appointment, and buying her jewlery and clothes. Things that I would throw money at her and tell her to have fun, instead, I go with her or do them myself to include both of us more. I am constantly telling her how beautiful she is, (which she is just breath-taking), and what a great mom she is and how thankful I am to have her. I guess what I am trying to say is, I have put aside myself, I try and make her the center of everything now, which I should have been doing all along because she is just a one in a million wife. I am so attracted to her, and more importantly, feel like we are best friends again, something I haven't felt in 3 years, yet when it comes to sex, she has absolutley no drive. I am not trying to brag, but I am a good looking man, who takes very good care of himself. I have a 23 year old college football players body and looks and brains to go with it... I don't say that to boost my own ego or impress, but because I am so baffled and need answers as to why my wife doesn't want me anymore, and although it may seem unappropriate, I feel it necessary for anyone who is not going to put an inmature response, but a sincere response down to know, I am blessed down stairs also. I am well above average. I say all this, because I am lost here. I can not come up with a logical answer as to why my wife would not be turned on by me or want me like she use to before she had this surgery. I am hoping that it is solely the surgery, but I've been doing a lot of research on it, and have found that 90 percent of women who have a hysterectame vaganaly, actually have stronger sex drives afterwards and the percentages aren't that much different from women who don't have it vaganaly. So, is there anyone out there who can give me some advice. I love my wife, she's my best friend, and if I had to spend the rest of my life with her without sex, I would, she is my soul mate, but the sex is damn good, and I would love to have my freaky in bed wife back. Any thoughts? Thank you for your time.

Its not you ,has nothing to do with you. She has to heal. Glad your paying attention to other areas of your lives, but give it time and plenty of it. Relax it may be awhile. She will let you know.

Wow, you sound like a wonderful husband. I am sure your wife knows how blessed she is to have someone like you.

Now, if she had a total hysterectomy this could be hormonal. The ovaries produce certain hormones that aid in sexual desires. Has the doctor put her on hormonal replacement therapy?

What you read is logical in that some women tend to want sex more because the threat of pregnancy is no longer looming over them. However, some women become distant because they have lost their "womanhood" if you will. Now they are unable to bear children and it is very emotional to some women.

I suspect this may be the case with your wife since she is only 29.

I lost both breasts to cancer at the age of 32, so I can relate to what your wife may be feeling if indeed this is the case.

Tal is right, give her time and plenty of it. But you should gently ask her why she is no longer interested. She can tell you the answer where we can only guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottanddrea

i am a 31 yr old man, married for 5 years to a 29 year old beautiful woman, with 4 awesome children. my wife had a hysterectame almost 3 months ago. since the surgery, our sex lives has pretty much diminished...not becuase of me. i find my wife as irresistable as the first day i laid eyes on her, but from her it has dwendled down to nothing. i've tried to understand that it's the surgery and not me, but it's so hard considering what we had once before. i've actually become more open to her in so many more area's since the surgery, like listening to her, surprising her with florwers, or making her a surprise hair appointment, or nail appointment, and buying her jewlery and clothes. things that i would throw money at her and tell her to have fun, instead, i go with her or do them myself to include both of us more. i am constantly telling her how beautiful she is, (which she is just breath-taking), and what a great mom she is and how thankful i am to have her. i guess what i am trying to say is, i have put aside myself, i try and make her the center of everything now, which i should have been doing all along because she is just a one in a million wife. i am so attracted to her, and more importantly, feel like we are best friends again, something i haven't felt in 3 years, yet when it comes to sex, she has absolutley no drive. i am not trying to brag, but i am a good looking man, who takes very good care of himself. i have a 23 year old college football players body and looks and brains to go with it....i don't say that to boost my own ego or impress, but because i am so baffled and need answers as to why my wife doesn't want me anymore, and although it may seem unappropriate, i feel it necessary for anyone who is not going to put an inmature response, but a sincere response down to know, i am blessed down stairs also. i am well above average. i say all this, because i am lost here. i can not come up with a logical answer as to why my wife would not be turned on by me or want me like she use to before she had this surgery. i am hoping that it is soley the surgery, but i've been doing alot of research on it, and have found that 90 percent of women who have a hysterectame vaganaly, actually have stronger sex drives afterwards and the percentages aren't that much different from women who don't have it vaganaly. so, is there anyone out there who can give me some advice. i love my wife, she's my best friend, and if i had to spend the rest of my life with her without sex, i would, she is my soul mate, but the sex is damn good, and i would love to have my freaky in bed wife back. any thoughts? thank you for your time.

I had a the same surgery your wife did... if you give her time it will be worth the wait!
She will let you know when it's time... just keep loving her the way you do and hang in there!

Thread closed. Over a year old!