Ok.So I read quite a few discussions here.Same ole',same ole'. I've been with more partners than my boyfriend.I have been drunk and stupid.and I hate myself for it.Granted,I lied about it when we started to save face.But eventually,bit by bit,it all came out in the open.There have been horrendous fights surrounding it.so bad,that we were even asked to leave the apartment we were living in.So then,I put my hand on his head and swore I will never lie again and be transparent.that was a while ago.I have not lied about a thing.But still,almost every week,there are fights.He goes on and on and on.I have learnt to be patient and put up with this thinking that it was my fault.But he says he can't trust me.He thinks if I happen to spot an attractive guy,I'll land up in bed with him! He's called me a whore and a slut when he's angry.and he's sent me flowers and chocolates.I've been away from him for a month now and not has gone by without fights. He comes up with things like "so how come you made out with Ken the first time you went out with him and not with me.Am I not attractive enough?" What is a woman to do?!
We are on the verge of falling apart.I'm scared of being alone and I love this guy to pieces.. Dunno what to do.God knows I have been patient and put up with all this .
He's having a hard time without me,being alone for a month.the fights have intensified since then.I am down and out now,just can't figure out what to do anymore.
He's been divorced and guess what,he cheated in the two relationships that he had.in the first one,he cheated on the woman and married the other one. Then,he cheated on his wife with the first one. He told me about all this the very first time we got together.And I think in a way he's right to behave like this because I hid things from him.. Just that I don't see how sharing it is so vital to the relationship. But I did share it anyway.It got so bad that he even wanted to know the intimate details.. that,is just pure torturous.
I have told him a million times I've told him everything there is to know and I promised him there won't be anything new coming up.But still,every day is a struggle.
I also told him,once I was there with him,in person,there won't be such fights as right now he's just lonely and his mind is working destructively. We hardly text or speak these days and there is so much ice.We were doing almost fine when together.. Now its just a break up everyday.
So,is this going to last,the fights and going to break us? Or is this just the distance that's killing us?
Please HELP!!

I think you need to say to him something along the lines of...

Ive told you I'm sorry, Ive told you everything about my past and you still won't give me a break.

You have to get over this NOW! Because I'm not going to sit around and listen to you call me names and hurt me.

If you love me you will stop now and get over it and treat me the way I deserve or I will not be returning and be removing myself from your life.

Pompom, I have been going through the same thing, and I can tell you it is not easy, I know what you mean when you say you don't want to lose this man. But I also know too well what its like to be called a whore and a slut. I have also been fighting with my man, about my past for over a year. And just when I think things are getting better, the past comes up and we land up fighting and "breaking up".
All I can say is if you love this man as much as you say you do. Hang in there, the way I see it - they will eventually come round when they can sense and feel they can trust us. Im probably not giving the best advice, but just know I am here if you want to talk.

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Originally Posted by Dori740620

Pompom, I have been going through the same thing, and I can tell you it is not easy, I know what you mean when you say you dont want to lose this man. But I also know too well what its like to be called a whore and a slut. I have also been fighting with my man, about my past for over a year. And just when I think things are getting better, the past comes up and we land up fighting and "breaking up".
All I can say is if you love this man as much as you say you do. Hang in there, the way I see it - they will eventually come round when they can sense and feel they can trust us. Im probably not giving the best advice, but just know I am here if you want to talk.

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:mad: Feels better to talk it out,really.. at least I know I'm not in the wrong here.. why is it so darn complicated! Many thanks for listening.

How can you be with someone who uses the past against you? And he got a lot of nerves especially since he wasn't a saint in the past.

The fights the two of you have trouble me especially since you lost an apartment behind it. IF a man love you he wouldn't call you a whore, slut, or do anything to belittle you. You share your past with him even though it was hard for you and a real man would accept it. If someone loves you they wouldn't say or do things to make you cry or try to make you feel less than a woman.

However, this is most thing that bothers me about what you wrote "I'm scared of being alone and I love this guy to pieces". This is sad and this is why you tolerate the things he does and stay with him instead of leaving.

This relationship is unhealty and shouldn't just be about fighting about things you can't change. You haven't done anything wrong to him but he have done plenty to you. I really think you need to wake up and know things won't get better they will only get worst so get out why you can then work on yourself. Do some soul searching and seek counselling so you would never allow yourself to be treated this way ever again.

Sorry your having such a struggle but try and talk straight to him about setting boundaries of good behavior between you, that helps you both let go of the past. Then when he does cross the lines, and throws it in your face for whatever reason, you boot his butt to the curb, permanently.

When you allow bad behavior, you will surely get more of it.

I'm still going through this as we speak. Its to the point where sometimes I want to say "were done" but if he's the angry one sometimes you need to be the relaxed one. If you love him. Most people would say that's giving into him but its not. Its letting him realize that you're the bigger person and not adding fuel to the fire. But when he's not mad id tell him in the nicest way possible. This **** needs to stop cause I'm not dealing with it anymore. You need to worry about yourself in the long run and being called a whore is not fun. Specialy from someone you love. It'll burn forever and it'll only keep happening if you don't stop it. If he doesn't stop and keeps doing it then let it go for awhile. If he comes back after time apart then maybe he will realize how stupid he was. The part of you lying to him I think is what upsets him the most which isn't a good thing to do t be honest but people make mistakes. Take him on a nice date and just talk and enjoy it, ask him if this is what he wants, nights like these or nights where we get kicked out of your apartment. Good luck