Okay guys... so I'm 24... my ex just turned 26... for the first time since we broke up, she has entered a relationship(she has dated many guys since)... with a guy who is 45.

This absolutely makes me sick to my stomach... I feel like it is wrong and I don't see how two people with such a big age gap can intellectually connect and feel equal to one another...

I've been trying to explain to her why I think it's wrong... but I'd like to know your feelings about it..

Either help me convince her it's wrong... or help convince me there's nothing wrong with it...

I'd love to hear your opinions, because I'm having a hard time coping... thanks!

I'm having a really hard time trying to understand why she needs your approval. She's your ex.

I think that just the issue of her being your ex. Personally I think you would have an issue with whoever she is dating. No matter what.

As far as her being with somebody else, as far as her being with somebody that is 45 is none of your business really.

There should be no convincing because your ex needs to live her own life and make her own decisions, whether you think it is good or not.

There should be nothing to cope with if your truly over your ex, just my opinion.

Age is a number. If she were under age then yeah I'd be concerned. But she is an adult and is able to make her own decisions. Whether you like them or not you have no right to tell her how to live her life.

For all you know this man could be exactly what she needs.

Id forget about it if I were you and concentrate on my own life.

Well obviously she doesn't need my approval... and no I'm not over her... I'm sure that has a lot to do with my feelings... but I also feel if any of my friends were dating guys in their 40's id feel it was wrong

You do not know that for sure. Anyway, your not over her and that is the biggest problem here. Not her dating a 45 year old guy.

Focus on your own life. Make decisions for yourself. Others have there own to make too. Can not control that.

If you're not over her, then you need to cut off all contact with her. Remaining her friend is torture, probably for both of you. Are you just hanging on hoping she'll come back to you? Have you read any of the stickies in the relationship section?

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

If you're not over her, then you need to cut off all contact with her. Remaining her friend is torture, probably for both of you. Are you just hanging on hoping she'll come back to you? Have you read any of the stickies in the relationship section?

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Yeap... read every single one of them... the sad thing is it's been 1.5 years since the initial breakup... maybe I should start listening to them

I trust and value your opinions... so I guess the consensus is there is nothing wrong with it and my feelings for her are the main reason I think it's wrong.

The real problem is your still in her business after a year and a half.

You need a better healing process to follow.

Well... there are more than 14 years between my Ex and my previous ex... the last one older than me, the previous one younger... and the younger ex... she was more mature at 20 than many 30 or even 40 year old I know...

Your ex... at 26, she's an adult and mature enough to make her choices... no problem with her choice.

That simple. Stay out of her bedroom.

Age doesn't matter unless she was sixteen and he was twenty one or forty-five.
Obviously she has moved on to a man who is mature. You should do the same. Move on... As for your friends it wouldn't be any of your business either.. Good Luck

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Originally Posted by eeeman

well obviously she doesnt need my approval...and no im not over her... im sure that has a lot to do with my feelings... but i also feel if any of my friends were dating guys in their 40's id feel it was wrong

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Its OK to feel this... but, again... you really don't have any need to talk her out of this.

Her mistakes are hers. Her good choices are hers.

I can honestly say that age has nothing to do with mental maturity or interests, I know many couples with such an age gap that are just wonderful together. If she's happy with this man then why step in? You're not dating her anymore, correct? In all honesty it doesn't matter if it bothers you, it is her life and her relationship to deal with, you have no say in the matter.

Let's play pretend for a moment or two; say you found someone you fell completely in love with, you were compatible on so many levels that it was nothing like anything you'd ever experienced. You were so happy you couldn't even imagine life without them, the mere thought of them vanishing from your life brings a hitch to your breath and a skip to your heartbeat. Now let's pretend they are significantly older than you and your ex didn't like it so she tried to tell you that it's wrong to be in love with this person. Would you listen? Would it matter?

Another scenario, your ex is slightly older than you as you so stated, what if someone decided that it was wrong to date her? Would you leave her just because someone said they didn't agree with your age difference?

While age difference is discriminated against, the relationships have a higher success rate over closer age relationships; and while not all are healthy relationships, not all close age relationships are either. Just like those with age gaps have relationships where others use or cheat on one another, so do close age relationships.

Another interesting point to be taken in, until about 100 years ago relationships and marriages with large age gaps were very common and often preferred while relationships between those of the same age weren't as common and weren't as preferred. What's the difference between then and now? Nothing but the societal view of the situation.

Sorry for the tangent...