This August, if everything works out financially, I am going to school out of state. The school is as far from home as I can be and still be on the same coast. While this is definitely not the only reason I chose the school, I will admit the distance is a major plus. I feel like I need to get away to reinvent myself and like my happiness is directly related to the distance from my parents.

Now my mom has raised the question of moving to the same state (which you probably figured out by now if you're observant) as me while I am in school. She says she really liked the area, that my dad would too, and that it would help with my tuition after 6 months (debateable). Those are OK reasons, but I feel like having them so close will prevent me from making the changes I want to and really being independent. I question their motives and wonder if it's because they don't trust me not to have another breakdown and need them to come save me. I wonder how involved they intend to be, and anyone who knows me and my issues knows I won't get any help I may or may not need if I think they're close enough to catch wind of it.

It's also fishy because my mom can't tolerate heat and my dad hates cities and crowds..

I need my space, but I don't want to tell them they can't live where they want to either. We only lived here my entire life in a place I've hated and begged them to move from because of my ailing grandmother. She died a couple months ago, so now they say they can live anywhere. I really don't know if I can trust them. What does anyone think?

You are 19 now, and maybe it is time you took on the responsibility of being responsible for yourself, and your education. I don't get the impression that your parents disagree with your goals, they just want to be there to make sure you make a good adjustment.

What about a compromise.

Is it possible to attend a college close to home for the first semester, or the first year, and then transfer to another college on your own.

Before your parents put the for sale sign on the front lawn, see if they wouldn't consider a compromise.

If you put in the first year, get good grades, and adjust well, they may be more inclined to stay where they are because they will have more confidence in your ability to live independent of them.

I would be honest and put the whole truth on the table. Listen to their concerns, and try not to think that they are just being clingy, or over protective. Find out why they feel so strongly about being nearby, to the point of uprooting a lifetime, and moving. Then explain why, honestly, you feel ready to be independent, without them.

See what you can get a fix on, and what is negotiable, and what is not.

I just know that going in there the way I am and with knowing no one, it is going to be a little rough. And I also know that when my parents are near, they feel inclined to help me and I find it hard to not lean on them. It would feel ruined for me if they get their hands in there and make themselves known and do everything for me. And I would be afraid to be someone new with my past right there to call me out... I probably wouldn't let myself change. I really do need my space.

And I hate this place, but this is the only house I have ever lived in and our yard is a graveyard of deceased pets and memories. All my friends have roots here, and if my parents leave, I may lose them too.

And if it doesn't work out, I'll be in a new state knowing no one. But I don't want to attend school here with the people I hated in high school. And I don't know that anything would transfer or what would happen to my room and my placement in honors and my acceptance to the school itself. And it is a really good school.

It's just weird and I don't feel like they're being completely honest with me. My sister moved out of state, and yes she was near family, but that didn't lower the tuition costs any. But I guess all I can do is talk to them, right? It's just hard when I feel like they'll lie to my face.

All your reasons for wanting your independence are good ones I think. You are ready, and can already see yourself living and going to school in a place far away from where you are now.

There is no reason why they can't visit, right? And you'll be home for holidays, and will likely call them regularly.

You don't want to lose them, you just want to gain your independence.

And yes, all you can do is talk to them, and assure them that you don't need them to move on your account, and with all things considered, it would be better if they stayed.

And who's to say that in a year from now, you might not find the idea so invasive, when you will already be established.

Have a good talk to them. With a little compromise, maybe they will stay put for now.

I'm going to take a slightly wider perspective on this and I apologise in advance if this sounds harsh.

Looking back at some of your other posts you have been unhappy with yourself and your life for a long time. You were cutting yourself some years ago.

In another recent post you have been talking about having sex with a stranger, an older man,you contact on the internet, so that you can lose your virginity, as you think this is the key to giving you happiness and confidence.

In several posts you think your parents are at fault for all your unhappiness and if you could just sever the ties with them that would be the answer to all your problems.

You have made yourself ill more than once by taking more than the recommended dose of medicines.

You say you need to get away because, 'I need to get away to reinvent myself.'

I get the feeling that this is yet another of those, one thing I need to do and everything will be all right, situations. It will make me a whole new person just because I get away from my parents and live somewhere new.

It may well be that you have over-controlling parents who are adding to your unhappiness. It may also be that you have very concerned parents because they can see how unhappy you are and rightly so. I have no way of knowing which came first.

What I do know is that on several of your posts people have urged you to consider counselling. I know you are resistant to this but I seriously ask you to reconsider.

Maybe I'm wrong and the one thing that would change your life for the better would be to get away from your parents, but if that is so a counsellor could help support you in that choice and in helping you to make a more mature relationship with your parents.

However, as you seemed to think a few days ago that the only thing you needed to make you happy was to lose your virginity I am seriously worried that you haven't actually figured out exactly what it is you are really unhappy about and what would fix that.

Please get some conselling and help yourself to understand your true needs and how best to work on meeting them.

When I went to school a year ago it was to a party school, undecided. I wanted to be outgoing and do stupid sh** and I had no idea what I hoped to get out of college. It was an OK school with a lot of majors, so I figured I'd find something. I'd never held a job, didn't have a license, and was generally unprepared.

This is a good school, and I know what interests me now. I'm in honors, and I know what's at stake if I drop out again. I do not want to work for just under $9 my entire life, either.

I have come a long way (and no longer take obscene amounts of tylenol), but I am still far from perfect. If my parents are right there, meddling in my school, I won't dare seek counselling. I need to feel there is a safe distance for me to seek advice without them finding out. I'm sure they're concerned, but they don't know the extent of what I've done and I don't want them to.

It just freaked me out when she first suggested it, but she told me now it wouldn't be until next year at least, so I have a little time...

I do love my parents. And we all have our issues. I know I've been bouncing off the walls for a while now, but eventually I'll find my path.

Thanks. I have my pros and cons straightened out now.

Why can't you seek conselling without worrying that your parents will find out?

You do know that what happens between you and the counsellor is confidential? Just because your parents happen to find out you are going doesn't mean they get to know what is said between you and the counsellor.

At orientation they said that even if your parents call and ask if you are in counselling, they can't tell them even that. If my parents knew, I am sure they would tell family, maybe even coworkers. They can't help themselves. People at my dad's work know about how I dropped out last year. I work to be likeable in the best sense I can be... usually cute, polite, and hardworking/obediant. I don't really want to be vulnerable and watched and protected. I get enough of that.

What bothers me about what the school offers is to my understanding, you could get a student. I think they mean grad, not undergrad. I think counselors talk amongst their peers, names or no, but students are my peers... And I have to feel like talking to talk. It's not like I'm always a mess. And since I started working, people have actually commented that I seem happier. I'm not ready to throw in the towel if I can do this myself.

I don't od, I don't talk to people online except here and that guy I have to tell I changed my mind. Myself harm is few and far between. So basically I don't do anything "bad", but I don't really feel "fixed". This thing with that guy is really the last "bad" thing I've done, and I asked him months ago.