Okay, so I really don't know where or how to begin this. Please bare with me, for this is very hard for me to pour my heart out. I have been on this site for a while now and feel as if I have gotten close to some of you, and now I need your help.
A little history here, I am 32 years old, divorced with two children. I was seeing a man (Mark) for a while now. I have mentioned him before in a previous thread. He is 37, also divorced with two children. I have known him for three years now. While I was ging through my divorce, Mark was there for me. We started as friends where we were setting up play dates for our children to get together and play, not to mention, he and I compared notes with our divorces'.
Things started slow and was going great. We saw each other about three times a week which slowly became four then five. After a couple of months we started to date. That went really well. I thought at first that perhaps he could be a fling, but then I realized that I was falling in love with him. He too told me that he was falling in love with me. After a while of dating we decided to make love... That was fantastic! Things were going great after that. We saw each other almost every single day. We had the children play together, we shared things with each other that we didn't share with others. I fell in love with him. For months every thing was great! I met his parents and family and friends. Same with him.
Then in March, my Grandmother had passed away. I had decided to take a train to Chicago. The day before I was supposed to leave, I realized that I was late. We were always careful, but I had to make sure. Well, I took the test and it came up that I was pregnant. OMG! I can't believe this is happening! I called Mark up to tell him, and he was stunned! He said, "please forgive me if I am quiet, I am just shocked!" I understand.
The next day he drove me to the train station. On the way there, he took my hand in his and said," don't worry, it will be ok."
I went to Chicago to deal with the death of my Grandmother. Mark and I spoke on the phone every night. He kept reasuring me that things would be OK.
On the way back to Chicago, he called me while I was on the train, and said to me, " I have been doing some thinking, and I am not in love with you and I still love my ex!" ! My heart was broken. I cried the whole damn trip home!
When I got back to Arizona, he and I got into contact and sat down at the kitchen table. He asked if I would have an abortion. Then he pretty much begged for it.
I set up an appointment for an abortion a few days later. He came and picked me up to take me. I cried, begged, and pleaded with him. "Please, if you have any love or compassion for me, you wont make me do this!" He kept driving that stupid car of his. Finally, we get there, and I am crying so bad that the Doctor takes me in her office to talk with me. I take Mark into the hallway to ask him one last time, "Mark, look me in the eyes, do you really want to terminate this pregnancy?" He said yes. So I went back into the office and said the Doctor I'm not going trough with this. I left the office with him following me, when I told him, I don't care what he thought, and that I'm not going through with it! He grabbed me and started to cry and said, "I'm glad you didn't go through with it." ! I am proud of yself for sticking with what I believe in!
Mark told me that he wanted to be in this baby's life. BULL S@#T! I am three months pregnant and he hasn't spoken to me in weeks!
That's OK though, I will take care of this baby without his dumb a55!
I feel damaged! I feel broken! I will never love again! I will never trust again!
I don't know how he sleeps at night!
I am not sure as to why I told my story... Perhaps seeking knowledge, perhaps to vent.
Please forgive me for this long story.
