My husbands sister in law and I had a huge down fall three in a half years ago. I basically cut her off completely because she wrote me a total of two letters, two pages long basically insulting me. I'm not a letter person, if you have an issue with me right or wrong, I like to discuss in person. I am well aware that people handle situations differently but I did not deserve an insulting letter. My mother-in-law is hurt by the whole situation, but my brother-in-law sort of feeds into it. My husband and kids are still go to the family functions and events but I do not attend when she is invited. I prefer not to because of all the insults. How should I handle her? Do I ignore her completely? Do we discuss what happen? Do we just pretend it never happen?

For one thing you need to stop being so selfish and childish. Your soon to be exiled from the entire family if you keep this up. You should be showing up at "family" functions unless you don't consider yourself family. Because that's exactly how it looks. You don't have to hang with her and other then aknowlaging her by saying hi you don't have to interact with her. Im not sayng to invite her into your home nor become best friends. But for your mother in law it shows disrespect that you can't get over it and punish the entire family. So do what you need to do to bury it and realize that your not only bringing shame to yourself but your husband also. So start by doing the right thing.

Thanks for the advice. You consider it selfish and childish and I agree. In my culture when you insult someone's character it's disrespectful and unforgivable. I will I do what I need to do for my husband and my motherinlaw.

I suggest you go to the family meetings. If she approaches you and starts to insult you then kindly tell her that your are not here to fight with her and you would appreciate it if she did not talk to you. If she carries on from there then she will look like an idiot not you.

Don't worry about what she says. The people who care about you know the real you... that's all that matters

Yes it is disrepectful. But by participating in family gatherings you will gain the strength to keep happiness in your home. And for that you will be blessed.

I read a book about this and it is typical for females in a family to become territorial and start trouble out of jealousy. I decided to not communicate with her and just be civil during family gatherings.

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Originally Posted by eponce

I read a book about this and it is typical for females in a family to become territorial and start trouble out of jealousy. I decided to not communicate with her and just be civil during family gatherings.

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That is the best route for you to take and its also the high road in this situation. Im sure your mother in law will love you for it.

My mother in law and I have a great relationship and she already loves me. That is part of the problem.

My sister in law was the most obnoxious person I've ever known in my life and I had to keep some semblance of a relationship with her for the sake of the rest of the family. There were no letters - I would have responded with a letter at the time but it's too late for that now.

You can be civil and nice to her without tolerarating rudeness and insults. If she insults you again, correct her in the moment no matter who else is there. Don't insult her back - just say, "wow, that was insulting" and change the subject.

Don't skip more family gatherings - you are part of the family.

Thank you. I have been very tolerable for 15 years and dealt obnoxious self. I have always been civil but every time we did have a gathering she had an issue and would complain. I'm too old for childish behavior especially with an adult. So I choose to ignor her, at the time I felt it was best to remove myself from the situation.

The best weapon is when you stay nice and she stays nasty - everyone can see her behavior for what it is and that you aren't feeding it - far better than having arguments or reacting a lot, which makes people wonder which of you is causing the problem.

I know exactly what you are saying I have done that for many years, but others allowed her behavior.

I've gone through the same thing but how is it selfish when they constantly verbally abuse you? My sister inlaws have cussed me out, talked crap about me to my husband and yet my husband just takes it and never defends me. I'm sick of it and I hate how they favor one of my children more because she looks more like my husband. Every time I do go to the functions they act distant and almost like I have a disease and I just can't take it, I'd rather not even go because of the stress it causes me.. literally I already have anxiety and I'm bipolar and it just causes my blood pressure to rise and adrenalin to go crazy . I don't techincally hang with caddy females and that is all there is in his family. I just feel like they're disrespecting my husband my treating me like crap and they're younger. In my culture that is more disrespectful. I have asked my husband to keep in touch with his parents and if he needs to go visit them he should, because they have actually told him they don't want me coming around just him and the kids.. I've done nothing but try to be nice to his family and there are just so stuck up and uggh. I don't know it's a tough situation.

I would do both; avoid her totally, but don't let that stop you from attending functions and enjoying yourself.

You did not marry your sister in law.

I would also advise you not to involve any other family members with her behaviour toward you, because in the end, they will exclude you, not her.

I had the same problem. She decided she didn't like me, even before she met me. We actually didn't meet until the day before my wedding because we lived three thousand miles apart. But, she took it upon herself to upset everbody by spinning a yarn that I was not the right one, and he would be miserable.

And same with the brother in law. He would feed on it, and between the two of them I was the devil incarnate.

I can honestly say I've never been hated by any other living soul in my life. And she made my life miserable.

Now that my mother in law has passed, and she calls (usually disguising her voice) to speak to my husband, I call her out. "Hi 'Sue', calling to do another hit and run are we?". I don't give her the time of day, except what I've said, as I kept my mouth shut for 35 years, only out of respect for my mother in law, who was a dear, loving friend.

And, while I've been the person she never bothered to get to know, she and her brother have been married and divorced six times between the two of them.

Take the high road, if only for your mother in law's sake. She knows only too well, what's going on, and she is as powerless to stop her daughter, as you are.

Hi,

I have almost the similar problem that I am struggling with. My husband's bro's wife is a b. I hve been married for 2 years now. HIs parents accepted me and were happy for us to get married. She always ignored me showing her back from day1. I had no previous issues with her nor with her husband. This continued even after married, however, I decided to break it by becoming her friend by going to her house. It was all OK. She still was hesitating but couldn't ignore me further. However, she came to my house for the first time and insulted me by yelling at me for a comment I made. By the way, she came because my husband's sister was staying over thus came to visit her. My husband kept quiet and his bro took her side and yelled at me. I hate them both now. As time went by, I learned to ignore her because she kept doing things to insult me like she took my husband into a room privately while I was sitting beside him to tell him tat she is pregnant. My husband smilingly came out and did nothing about it. He does nothing to tell his bro or her to stop their behaviour of ignoring me and putting me out of the family. ANyhow, I learned to ignore her putting me out of family loop. I started to say hi only if she says. I ignore if she ignores. Now, it has started to bother her. My husband and me went to their home, I stayed there 15 minutes and left. My husband stayed back to help. She took this opportunity to complain about my behaviour to my husband. His bro also did so. My husband got furious with me. He started to complaining to me of why ignore her. I kept telling him tat I do what she does. Also, our argument went so high tat he hit me and put me out the house. I texted his bro to be happy with his wife of this news. His bro txted me back threatening me tat he is being quiet cz I'm his bro's wife. I got pissed of - he has no guts to talk against his wife yet he is talking against him. The whole family is under her feet. They will not do anything she does not like nor would they tell her anything. Cz the bro has told the whole family tat she is his life and they hve to put up with it. But smartly, the whole family knows tat my husband won't behave like his bro. hence, taking the advantage, they keep telling him to adjust to his bro's wife for his bro's sake even if she insults me. I'm mad and very angry now. He put me outside of my own house. He is still defending tat his bro and his wife are good. We never ever complained of tat be to anyone. Nor did my husband ever take the time to tell her to stop or talk out the issues with all of us on the table. Please advise of what I can do further. I'm sad, mad and sad

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Originally Posted by shana2012

i m sad, mad and sad

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You are deceitful. She's his sister, and she probably can sense your character. She's protecting her brother - and probably has discussed you with his/her family.

She's pregnant. You are willing to trick your husband to get pregnant because he doesn't want a child right now.

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