My friend has had a rough marriage. SHe has tried to change but her husband is old fashioned and from Elsalvador so while she has grown he has stayed the same. She adopted his son a few years ago making him legal. She is tired and has lost who she is as a person. She would like to write him a letter and state that she needs a break and go away for a little while. She would rather say to him personally that she needs time away but in a fight previously he stated to her that he would kill her if she ever tried something stupid like leave. He meant it. Very prideful man. And she doesn't want anything bad to happen to him or get him in trouble with the law. So no cops. She just wants to get a break but doesn't want to get in trouble for abandonment. What steps could she take to leave for a while and make him see that her worth is more than he sees. Can she file separation papers and not tell him till the last minute? Or does he have to sign them in advance. She wants a clean break for a month to clear her head and find herself again. I don't have the right answers and I don't want to make things worse? Please can someone steer me in the right direction?

You are in the United States?

If so, rest assured that she can leave her husband if she wants to, without getting in trouble with the law. I find it incredible that you would even have to ask this; it's the 21st Century, not the Middle Ages.

It is possible that, should later litigation ensue over child custody, an argument could be made that she abandoned the child. But that is a domestic relations issue, not a criminal one.

Are all of you living in the U.S.

Yes we live in Virginia. I heard from a neighbor that when she caught her husband in bed with another lady she left and didn't come home for three days. It was that or kill one of them. He called the cops and she got in big trouble for abandoment. She wasn't allowed to return to her home except to get her stuff and she lost rights to her child. No alimony(cant spell.lol) nothing. I think my friend will come back and realize the grass isn't greener or that she wants to try again and the worry is that he will have called the cops and she will have no way to fix this without spending ton of money on lawyers when all she wants is a break. I was looking for answers to prevent my friend from having to lose the right to see her son or come back. That's all. I know she can leave and not go to jail. She is worried about the abandoment thing. Which I don't even understand.

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Originally Posted by bobonna

... I heard from a neighbor that when she caught her husband in bed with another lady she left and didnt come home for three days. It was that or kill one of them. He called the cops and she got in big trouble for abandoment. She wasnt allowed to return to her home except to get her stuff and she lost rights to her child. No alimony(cant spell.lol) nothing. ...

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Don't believe everything you hear from your neighbor. Chances are she didn't tell you the whole story. Sounds like there was alleged domestic violence involved there.

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Originally Posted by bobonna

alimony(cant spell.lol)

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You spelled it correctly.

I don't see where three days or two weeks or a month away is going to help anything. Your friend needs to find a counselor and go by herself or bring her husband with her (or some of each). The only way to get this fixed is to get some help.

She is not owned, she merely needs to tell her what she is going to do

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You spelled it correctly.

I don't see where three days or two weeks or a month away is going to help anything. Your friend needs to find a counselor and go by herself or bring her husband with her (or some of each). The only way to get this fixed is to get some help.

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Yeah I hear you. For three years she has tried to get him to go see someone but he says she chose this life so deal with it. He doesn't want to change. I know they will end up divorced and she is just stalling but that's not something I can change. Just want to offer advise on the situation that is going to happen and happen very soon. She will screw herself and her son is the one who will suffer. He may be adopted but she loves him. She just feels used and abused. Thanks to you all for you suggestions and advise. I think the only thing she can do is file for legal seperatio and just deal with the fighting as it comes. I guess that's what the police are for huh.lol

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

She is not owned, she merley needs to tell her what she is going to do

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Im glad you noticed that too. Thanks its okay I appreciate their efforts.

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Originally Posted by bobonna

Yeah I hear you. For three years she has tried to get him to go see someone but he says she chose this life so deal with it. He doesn't want to change.

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Then SHE should go for counseling, if for no other reason than to get this final step figured out right. She also needs to figure out herself. And as she changes, becomes calmer, more confident and self-assured, less angry, he will change too. That's the way it happens. I will put money on it.

I appreciate you guys and your replies but she's been there and done all that. Three yrs. I needed legal advise or someone who has been through it. Any who she told me she is going to talk to her sons lawyer. Thanks again and God Bless