My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for only 6 1/2 months. He is a drinker and has abused of me both physically and mentally. We have two children who are 3 and 5 years old. When he does not drink everything is OK, but when he does it is a different story. I have tried getting him help with no luck. On June 14, 2010 I had enough when I come home to find him in my living room with his co-worker and my kids there watching him. At around 11 pm he went outside while my kids are sleeping and making a lot of noise. At midnight I told him that that was enough and to come inside. He didn't pay no attention to me. Mind you I have a very bad cold and was not feeling so good. So I told him to choose either him and his friends and the drinking or his kids and me. He picked his friends. I told him he needed to get his crap out if not I was going to throw it in the balcony which I did. Did I mention he is 31 years old. I don't know if I did the right thing. Please help

You did the right thing.

There comes a time when you have to grow up and take responsibility,his time is long since past.

If he decides to come crawling home,have your conditions ready,he starts rehab/AA,gets his head together and then you will discuss with him marriage councilling.

That's if you want to of course.

If is has been abusive,you have to protect your children and yourself,he's out of the house,take care that he does not come back into your lives so easily.

He needs to learn there are consequences to his actions.

If he has to learn them the hard way,so be it.

A word of caution.if you feel you are in danger,call the police and don't hesitate.

I know I did but why does it hurt so much?

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Originally Posted by redhed35

you did the right thing.

there comes a time when you have to grow up and take responsibility,his time is long since past.

if he decides to come crawling home,have your conditions ready,he starts rehab/AA,gets his head together and then you will discuss with him marraige councilling.

thats if you want to of course.

if is has been abusive,you have to protect your children and youself,hes out of the house,take care that he does not come back into your lives so easily.

he needs to learn there are consequences to his actions.

if he has to learn them the hard way,so be it.

a word of caution.if you feel you are in danger,call the police and dont hesitate.

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He clearly is an alcoholic... IF and ONLY IF, you want a chance to make it work, he MUST get into an AA program, and take responsibility for his drinking problem. Unless he does... there is nothing more you can do but file for a divorce.

Until that happens, the next time he gets abusive... or drunk making a fool of himself in public... call the police.

#1 you and your kids should never feel unsafe around him... ever. Abuse is not part of marriage.

#2. Nobody should have to suffer being around a drunk repeatedly,. much less children. And never a mean drunk.

If he refuses to take responsibility to take care of his addiction to alcohol, I'd file for divorce, custody of the children and child support. Alcoholism can be tough to beat... and its an ongoing struggle. And one he has to acknowledge and want to do.

It's always going to hurt when your significant other lets you down, which it sounds like he does every time he's drinking. You shouldn't have to put up with that. And it would hurt too when he chooses alcohol over his family. How sad. He really needs help. As redhed said, you did the right thing. Now be strong for your kids' sake.

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Originally Posted by myaelis

I know i did but why does it hurt so much?

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Because you have put it with his bad behaviour for so long you don't know what else to do.

You have been through the ringer because of him,you have made excuses,covered for him maybe even lied for him,your dependent on him for what crumbs of love and respect he throws your way,and its not good enough,not for you or your kids.

Your kids see everything that's going on,they perhaps even think all daddy's act like that,and its not true.

Your going to be OK,call your family,get some support around you,if you have been covering and your family don't know the extent of the problem,grab your courage and tell them.

Break the cycle.

You have been together for over six years, had two children with him, knowing that he emotionally and physically abused you as you say, then you marry him.

Is it any surprise that this hasn't been building for a long, long time?

What you have done is subject your children, for their entire lives, to witnessing the abuse, the upset, the emotional fallout, the fights. Why you chose to wait so long before you protected them is a mystery, let alone yourself.

If you need a reason NOT to doubt what you've done, look in your children's faces, and see if they don't deserve a better life. Put their needs first in deciding whether you hedge toward allowing him back with more broken promises, and it should be obvious what you have to do.

He may be different when he's sober, as you say, but who needs a 50% husband, or a 50% father. That you know who he could be, will never make him that man.

You may have acted out of frustration on something that had been building for a long long time. After all, a man drunk with his buddies out on the front lawn, isn't about to take you seriously, even if you throw his stuff on the lawn. (I hope the kids didn't hear or see any of this).

Please get in to see a lawyer, and establish custody and child support. I'm not sure where you live if you can actually kick him out of his own house; if he returns, you may not be able to do anything about it until the lawyers are involved.

Please don't subject your children to this drama. You, and they, will lead much healthier lives by making better choices for your futures.

I grew up in a home where my father was a drunk and beat on my mother. I watched this go on almost daily my entire life. When I was 12, I started trying to defend my mother and my father would hit me and my older sister. My parents are still together and he hasn't hit her in ten years but the abuse didn't stop until he stopped drinking. I now have a lot of issues from my childhood and my first relationship, I thought it was okay to let a man hit me because its was normal for me. It took my husband/best friend to get me to see that I deserved better. Now when we argue and I sometimes try to get him to hit me because its what I know, he refuses too and makes me see what I am trying to do to myself.
Do you want this for your children?
Neither of my parents realize even now the impact their behavior had on me or my older sister. My childhood made me a very strong person emotionally and physically but it also made me put walls up to protect myself from everyone. I have trouble trusting anyone and when someone raises their voice out of anger, I am ready to see violence. Its what is normal for me from my childhood.
You should really think about the damage you and your husband is doing to your children. Its your choice to stay or to leave. They don't have a choice.
As a parent you are suppose to put the well being of you children first and not just the immediate but the long term. Are you prepared to look your children in the eyes and see all the pain that you and your husband has put there? Are you ready to see your son abuse women or your daughter get abused? Are you ready for them to turn to drinking and drugs to escape the pain? Are you ready to bury your kids or have them bury you? These are just a few of the questions you should be asking yourself.

You have done the absolute best thing possible for you and your kids, and also HIM!! It may hurt like hell, but it would hurt a lot more if you allow him to stay in your life.

Call the cops if he doesn't get it!

Thank you all on your support I really needed it as I don't have family close by. It is June 15, 2010 and I arrived home after everyone telling me that he was going to be here to see that he is not here. In a way I am relieved but I'm hurting I know deep down inside that I did the right thing.

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Originally Posted by myaelis

thank you all on your support I really needed it as I don't have family close by. it is june 15, 2010 and i arrived home after everyone telling me that he was goin to be here to see that he is not here. In a way i am relieved but i'm hurting i know deep down inside that i did the right thing.

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Yes you did.. :) You don't want your kids growing up in that atomsphere.
He's an alcoholic and a wife beater. One day he might end up either killing you or hurting one of your children badly.