My boyfriend and I met in college and dated for 5 years. We are both 23 and we had a great relationship for most of it. We broke up almost two weeks ago and I called him to ask if he thought there was anything worth trying to salvage or if he was over it. He said he has been happy, he moved on, and that he didn't love me "right now." (After NOT EVEN 2 weeks!) He also said he would always love me though, and that maybe "in a few years" we could try. So what the hell is this "few years" thing? And what does "I don't love you right now" mean? And does he really mean it when he says he is having no trouble with the break up, or is it a lie or a defense mechanism?

By the way, no one cheated on anyone or anything, we just couldn't stop fighting. And the fight was brought on because he was acting strange for weeks and he finally told me that he wasn't even trying to be a good boyfriend anymore. (He just wasn't as caring as he once was.) He also said, after extensive arguments, that he knows I don't deserve what he did to me and that he was sorry, but I was just drained and had nothing left to give. He said he understood that too, everyone deserves the same loyalty they give. I was a great girlfriend and was hurt that he wasn't devoted from start to finish like I was.

Well, the whole let's try things in a few years seem a little edgy. Why don't you ask him straight out? Do you think we're meant to be? Do you think you'll come back to me one day? Ask him questions, dig out the info. But don't really let the answer effect you OK? I know it's hard cause it was a 5 year relationship but you got to stick it in and pick yourself up right now.

Visualize you being a great girlfriend and devoted to someone else. It WILL happen. I believe in “fate” and that things happen for a reason. Visualize you looking up into the smiling eyes of a great guy who is giving you a great big hug. Look for that person. He is out there

I just feel that there's more to this story than you know about. I can’t say for sure, but wouldn't be surprised to find out that he's interested in someone else.

You two have a pretty long history, so I'm sure you both knew each others personalities well long ago and have argued before... something just doesn’t add up.

I get a feeling that he’s wanting to have his cake and eat it too. Like he doesn’t really want to be with you, but doesn’t want to totally let you go yet in case he changes his mind later.

Don’t listen to his crap about “not loving you right now”, as that insinuates that maybe, if you deserve it, he’ll love you later.

Don’t wait around for his crumbs. You’d be wise to just move on and treat this as a total break up instead of a break. I’d go NC immediately.

Him wanted to leave you have been stewing for a while but he finally got the courage to admit it to you two weeks ago. I believe you knew this was coming but instead of realizing it you ignore it.

Sometimes people change and you can't change that. The only thing you can do it accept it and learn to deal with it, move on, and learn from it.

I don't know what all the aruging was about but if this was an ongoing thing them this relationship lack open communication because the two of you shouln't talk with one another.

I don't think you should sit around waiting on him because he wants to be free so give him freedom and you go on with your life because it isn't the end of the world. Relationships come and go and that is how I look at thngs.

Sounds like he wants to see what else is out there. Maybe in a few years, when he realizes that there's nothing else out there, he will come back to you.

Now I ask, is that what you want? To be his backup plan?

You've had 5 years to develop a relationship. That's more than enough time to see if things are going to work out between the two of you.

It turns out that he's ready to go his separate way. I know it's difficult for you to accept, but the sooner you can accept, the sooner you can heal from the break up.

Keep him out of your life. Stick no contact so that you don't continue to overanalyze the details and generate false hope.

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QUOTE by Devorameira;
I just feel that there's more to this story than you know about.

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That's what I think too, but I doubt it is another girl. We have all of the same friends, I know someone would have told me if it were. It just played out so oddly that I think he wanted to break up with me for months, and he didn't have the balls to, so he started treating me... not "bad" but not "good", he was just coasting enough to say "I'm not doing anything wrong," but also enough to get me to break up with him. That's my theory anyway, he wanted to see what being single felt like again. The only thing I don't understand is how you could get over it THAT fast.

He was gone long before you knew about it, so move forward and leave him alone.

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He said he has been happy, he moved on, and that he didn't love me "right now." (After NOT EVEN 2 weeks!) He also said he would always love me though, and that maybe "in a few years" we could try. So what the hell is this "few years" thing? And what does "I don't love you right now" mean? And does he really mean it when he says he is having no trouble with the break up, or is it a lie or a defense mechanism?

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Translation- Its over, now please leave me alone and don't pester me with questions.
Sorry for your loss.

I think he wants out but wants to keep you in reseve just incased he can't get someone else to fall for his speil, go NC and get yourself sorted and find a new man one that's a real man who will want you as you are no conditions, and certainly no heartache.

You are worth More...

No book has been written I don't think, on "Breaking Up With Your Partner with Grace". Most people say the oddest things when breaking up in a sorry attempt NOT to hurt the other person's feelings. Things like

"It is not you, it is me..."
"I need time to think"
"I do not know what I want"

All in all, if you ever get to be the one who is doing the dumping, avoid using such statements, even if you have innocent intentions. Be clear, and do not confuse them or yourself. This is the least you can do to make it easier for them. Handle your soon to be ex with grace and dignity.


"We can remain friends"

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Originally Posted by amberstone

That's my theory anyway, he wanted to see what being single felt like again. The only thing I don't understand is how you could get over it THAT fast.

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It's obvious that he's been contemplating a break up for quite some time now. When he finally decided that it was time to break up, he let you know. Basically, he's giving you the final decision, he's already gone through all the thought process. But from your perspetive, he caught you by surprise, so your recovery period only starts now. But, he has already moved on much further with his life than you might perceive at the time of the break up.

Check out the no contact related threads in my signature. The bottom line is, he no longer wants to continue to work on the relationship with you.

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Originally Posted by amberstone

The only thing I don't understand is how you could get over it THAT fast.

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Seems like maybe he's been "getting over it" for several months while you were still together. He must have made up his mind months ago.