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I think my sister's fiancée who is in his mid 30s like me , I am 17 years old .
He gives me these weird looks and I always get awkward vibes from him . I can not confront my sister about this before I am sure if these are simply illusions or if it is reality .
But I'm getting really disgusted by the whole situation and I feel like we're letting a risky man into our home !
HELP
You need to talk to your sister and see if she notices anything. Is anything else going on besides awkward looks? Does he seem to hang out with you instead of her when your both around?
He seems to always agree with me instead of her , but he makes it in some sort of a joke .
He said he likes the way I think , I often find him looking at me and then he turns suddenly . But I don't know if I am imagining these stuff or if they're real ! :s
Maybe he's attracted to you too, or maybe he just likes your brain. Talk with your sis about this, since she needs to be made aware of this sort of thing before she marries the guy.
You may want to look up the definition of pedophilia before you accuse someone of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedKarma
I am 17 and he is in his mid 30 s .
I'm pretty sure of what pedophilia means ! It doesn't have to be a physical abuse if that's what you mean , but it still counts as an abuse !
Well then you'd be wrong: Pedophiles Law & Legal DefinitionQuote:
Originally Posted by tortilla
Do you consider yourself a child? You are actually above the age of consent: Age of Consent Law & Legal DefinitionQuote:
Pedophiles are people with a sexual attraction to children.
While his actions may be reprehensible as far as the relationship with your sister goes it's absolutely not pedophilia related. Please think twice before tarnishing someone's reputation.
Yes, unless he has sexual interest in you, then you are using the wrong words.
I would say you mention it to your mom first and let her see what she thinks
Your home?
I am gathering that this is the family home,not YOUR'S in specific?(identifying a possessive trait)
Perhaps this situation is real,let's suppose it is.
What would you do if he made a sexual move towards you,right now?it's better to have a plan then to just wing it, prevention starts with planned actions.
If this situation needs to be looked at by your sister,plan how you are going to address her with your feelings.
How old is she?Maybe she has a clue or two about him you don't.?
If this is paranoia/fantasy,etc.. whatever,anything other than reality.. distance yourself from him when he is around, unless you LIKE to be scoped out by this guy,, the solution is really that simple.If he pursues you when you are trying to avoid him, speak out, make it an issue he has to explain his actions to others about, again,unless you are into being scoped out by this guy.
'nuff said?
What I think you should do is challenge him. When he is there, as well as your sister, and him. When he gives you a 'look', say, "John, what does THAT look mean!" Allow his face to get very red because he's been busted, and let your sister see the look on his face.
That should be enough to get him to stop because he knows you will do something about it if he keeps it up.
The look and the vibes are between the two of you, and from the point you stop it, is the point him and your sister need to have a serious talk.
Chances are if he is that bold, he also does the same thing to other young women, I highly doubt you are the first.
When I was a year older than you, I worked in bars, putting myself through college (18 was legal at the time, it's 19 now), and had to learn how to put a stop to boorish behaviour. I didn't go a whine to the boss, or complain to co-workers, I dealt with them myself.
What I'm trying to say is, that at age 17, you should be able to assert yourself a little bit more, to stop behaviour that you find insulting and intimidating.
If you find my suggestion of calling him out too hard to do, then you have alternatives. Speak to your sister AND him, speak to only your sister, speak to your mom.
But whatever you do, do something.
Thanks Jake2008 , that was very helpful!
@wondergirl : of course it is not wishful thinking on my part ! If it was I wouldn't be here asking for help !
And for me , it is considered very wrong if this guy likes me being so older than me .
In my country the age of consent is 18 , I'm still 17 , and in my country if he has any bad intentions or if he tries to do something with me , he will go to jail.
And about " trarnishing someone's reputation "
I'm here anonymously asking for help , I didn't give any identity ! So please for anyone who has hurtful comments , just keep them to yourself !
I want some good advices :s !
Quote:
Originally Posted by tortilla
You have been given good advice. Tell your sister. Tell the guy not to look at you or talk to you. If you live in a country where a seventeen year old is underage, you can go to the authorities if he tries to touch you. As the others said.. don't label him when he hasn't done anything.
What country are you in?
I would think this girl is in an English speaking country.
USA Canada, or similar.
I would also think she knows more about relationships than many 17 yr olds,I don't think she's a shy nervous type I would also say she has attitude.
I would also say there may be a touch of wishful thinking.
Perhaps she made a pass and it was rejected.
After all it cannot be ruled out, nothing can.
Like it or lump it I think you are being somewhat spiteful about this person.
If you are genuine make an official complaint, if its mainly in your mind, stay away from this person.
You missed quite a few countries.Quote:
Originally Posted by positiveparent
List of countries where English is an official language - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
And since US law was quoted and the OP said.
" and for me , it is considered very wrong if this guy likes me being so older than me .
in my country the age of consent is 18 , i m still 17 , and in my country if he has any bad intentions or if he tries to do something with me , he will go to jail. "
I based my comments on the sentence structure, as much as anything. Yes I know there are several english speaking countries.
However not many would have a 17yr with such attitude or apparent know how, also the spelling used for pedophilia is american.
Or one that uses the American English way of spelling.
Peadophilia is the english spelling as in the country.
If this girls sister is engaged to the male in question then I would assume he's been on the scene for a year at least or similar, which means the OP would have been approx 16 when he was introduced to the family, why wait this long to make comments or seek advice.
I think her remarks about in her country she is underage was a red herring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by positiveparent
I don't think she'll return. I hope she knows we're only trying to help.
I think maybe she needs help but not for what she is claiming here.
How long has he been your sister's fiancé. How long have they been going out? Is there a history here? Have you/she met his family?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mawtom
Why not tell your sister?. but before you do... make sure you're not accusing someone unjustly. You need to talk to this guy.. tell him you feel uncomfortable around him and why.
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