My fiancé asked me who I was talking to at 1 am because he found out the number on the bill? He works from other states for a job project. Is it OK for him to ask me that question? I was talking to my best friend and I felt like he was monitoring me who I am talking too. I am so upset about the situation. Please help me. I love him with all my heart and I am an honest and loyal to my fiancée.

Why not just tell him, and get it over with, if it was innocent. By not being forthright, you look evasive and rouses his suspicions. You don't need that drama, now do you?

If he has been "smothering" in the past then tell him so. But don't make an issue out of a question like this. Better to answer his question, and address your real issue. His smothering you. Love is not being a doormat, even if he is insecure because of the distance, but choose your battles wisely, and confront his behavior when it happens, and not make a small deal a bigger one.

Besides this one question, why do you feel he monitors you, and smothers you?

Thank you for your great answer. The only reason I asked this question here because he told me that he was scared that he's ex-girlfriend fooled him with different men and slept with them behind his back.

So he has baggage to unpack from his past hurts, and projects them on you.

Tell him to stop living in the past before you get pizzed off, and dump him to keep your own sanity. How long has it been since his last heartbreak, and how long have you been with him.

While it is quite a bit much to be checking your phone bill, I'm curious if there might be something in your relationship that's making him insecure.

If you have tried talking about it, and it seems to be due to past baggage, you need to tell him he needs to let that go and understand you have done nothing to deserve suspicion.

I am curious though, who were you talking to?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

So he has baggage to unpack from his past hurts, and projects them on you.

Tell him to stop living in the past before you get pizzed off, and dump him to keep your own sanity. How long has it been since his last heartbreak, and how long have you been with him.

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It was 2 years ago before we met. We've been together for 8 months now. I don't like drama and I am not comfortable checking the phone bill and telling me who I talk to at 1 am. He knew that I have a lot of friends, female friends. I am very open/honest to him. I just want him to be trusthworthy. My love for him is pure and my intentions clear. I have no desire of cheating. I know myself and I am faithful to any relationship I had in the past. The last woman he was with, met her in the bar while they were both drunk. She was a stripper by trade and he still accepted her and loved her. He told me that there were a lot of drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and going to the bar that she would go out with different men behind his back. The most important thing for me is he turned his life around when I met him, he doesn't do such things, e.g. smoking, drinking alcohol, going to the bar, etc.. I never experienced those lifestyle he's been with. I never used drugs nor I take any medications, doesn't drink alchol( don't get me wrong I drink red wine socially), and never smoke cigarettes in my life. So far, we had so much fun together, no fighting, we always talked about each other.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

While it is quite a bit much to be checking your phone bill, I'm curious if there might be something in your relationship that's making him insecure.

If you have tried talking about it, and it seems to be due to past baggage, you need to tell him he needs to let that go and understand you have done nothing to deserve suspicion.

I am curious though, who were you talking to?

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Not that I know of. No suspicions at all. I am very open/honest to him what I do or where I go. My love is pure and my intentions clear towards him. My routine is work, church, eating out with friends( I have a good circle of friends).

Without due respect, is it necessary for you to know who I am talking to? Sorry to ask this question.

I can see where that would be highly irritating, and you have to admit you both are from different worlds, and I am sure you both want this to work. Its only been 8 months, and your just establishing boundaries of good behavior that works for you both.

You already know he is capable of change for the better, so work with that through honest communications. Its called compromise and understanding so you can resolve this issue to the benefit of you both. I think a gentle reminder of your feelings will work better than a big fight, and maybe he just needs the reassurance you can give him from time to time. It doesn't seem to be a pattern of behavior, nor a regular thing, and even though your actions are above reproach, it takes a lot of time to adjust to that when you have had bad , hurtful experiences before.

So please don't take his one action personally, its not about a phone call, or you, but a reflex that has slipped out of his past, and can be worked on and dealt with in a very easy manner, like a talk. There will be many glitches ahead no matter how strictly disciplined, or pure as the driven snow any one is. That's just life, so deal with this one in a caring way, and I think that he will get it.

Doesn't he deserve the benefit of a doubt? He has come a long way, and as a guy, how can he be as perfect as you are trying to be?

I check our phone bill pretty thoroughly, simply as I check all bills in order to make sure they are correct and look out for ways of saving money. If I saw numbers dialed at an unusual time I might ask the family about it, partly out of idle curiosity, partly to make sure the billing was accurate, but no agenda as such.

Are you sure he was interrogating you rather than just asking in a normal kind of way?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I can see where that would be highly irritating, and you have to admit you both are from different worlds, and I am sure you both want this to work. Its only been 8 months, and your just establishing boundaries of good behavior that works for you both.

You already know he is capable of change for the better, so work with that thru honest communications. Its called compromise and understanding so you can resolve this issue to the benefit of you both. I think a gentle reminder of your feelings will work better than a big fight, and maybe he just needs the reassurance you can give him from time to time. It doesn't seem to be a pattern of behavior, nor a regular thing, and even though your actions are above reproach, it takes a lot of time to adjust to that when you have had bad , hurtful experiences before.

So please don't take his one action personally, its not about a phone call, or you, but a reflex that has slipped out of his past, and can be worked on and dealt with in a very easy manner, like a talk. There will be many glitches ahead no matter how strictly disciplined, or pure as the driven snow any one is. Thats just life, so deal with this one in a caring way, and I think that he will get it.

Doesn't he deserve the benefit of a doubt?? He has come a long way, and as a guy, how can he be as perfect as you are trying to be?

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Thank you for your great advice and your God-given gift. You have the ability to make things better for everyone the way you write it through your words. God bless you for what you do and God bless your family. Take care

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Originally Posted by QLP

I check our phone bill pretty thoroughly, simply as I check all bills in order to make sure they are correct and look out for ways of saving money. If I saw numbers dialed at an unusual time I might ask the family about it, partly out of idle curiosity, partly to make sure the billing was accurate, but no agenda as such.

Are you sure he was interrogating you rather than just asking in a normal kind of way?

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I think you are right. We already talked about it late last night before he went to bed and I went to bed. I don't want to sleep it overnight. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.