Ask Me Help Desk - Situation

I was with my boyfriend for four years. We had to engage soon and not long ago get married. Now we have a long distance relationship cause he lives in another country. But recently we had an argument, he got very angry at me and disrespectfull and didn't speak for a week. After a week, he said we don't fit and asked what I want from relationship, I said I would to work on it, he said he's not very happy, but he'll think about it and let me know in two weeks, cause he's going to a friend abroad. The same day he deleted me from his contacts (skype, facebook). I asked why did he do that. He said he wants to clear his head from me, but he loves me. I know he's going through a lot of tension at home, his parents don't like me(different cultures), besides what shocked me is that he decided to break up when he talked to some other people not me and decided to waste engagement money for a trip to a friend and everything was done in less than a week. Those two weeks passde, still didn't hear from him, wrote him a message, but he's ignoring me. What should I do? P.S. Simmiliar thing happenede a year ago, when he was undecided if he wants a serious relationship, but he came back and now this out of the blue.

To be honest with you hon. Long distance relationships (LDR) are hard. Some even have problems making them work when they live in the same country... so I can't even imagine how hard it must be to make it work when you live in different countries.

How did the two of you meet?
Has it always been a LDR or did the two of you at some point live in the same country/city/town?

I think that his actions speak pretty loud though. Deleteing you on Facebook and skype... maybe its time for you to let go of this relationship!

Not sure if you have married yet or not, but it seems he has a history of being unhappy and getting really carried away with himself.

I don't see why you would even consider working things out with a guy that handles his unhappiness with such bad behavior, and NO caring whatsoever.

Its up to you to decide, but when people act this way, its best to stop wasting time on them, disappear forever from their lives, and find your own happiness with a better adjusted, more compatible human being.

The more bad behavior you allow, the more you will surely get. And since you didn't learn from his past antics, he has done it again, hasn't he?

Tall: had to spread the rep! But I totally agree! Well said!

Quote:

Originally Posted by roxypox

How did the two of you meet?
Has it always been a LDR or did the two of you at some point live in the same country/city/town?

We met in the club, he was a friend of the guy I knew. We were in relationship for three years, even lived together, just last year he had to move because of his carrier and we kept in touch, he cam to my country once and I came to his, we planned of getting married and me moving to his country, I even started studying the language and so one, but a month before engagement, he said he doesn't think that he wants to marry me and sees himself with someone else, thatn he started almost crying that he can't let go, I said I want to workk this out, but if he made up his mind than it's best to let go. He said he'll think about it and let me know. So far no news, he even ignores me when I asked if he came back from hi friend, lately found out he didn't, just not from him. I don't get it, if he doesn't want to be with me, why just not let go and let me have my peace of mind, but if he wants to work it out, I don't see him putting effort too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Not sure if you have married yet or not, but it seems he has a history of being unhappy and getting really carried away with himself.

I don't see why you would even consider working things out with a guy that handles his unhappiness with such bad behavior, and NO caring whatsoever.

Its up to you to decide, but when people act this way, its best to stop wasting time on them, disappear forever from their lives, and find your own happiness with a better adjusted, more compatible human being.

The more bad behavior you allow, the more you will surely get. And since you didn't learn from his past antics, he has done it again, hasn't he?

We were supposed to get married before this happened. The thing in this relationship that I actually thought that I was the one whowas always trying more and working harder on the relationship. He let me down a lot of times, but I thought it's because of his depression, which he has time to time, that his stressed and many other reasons, so I always understood him and waited for this to pass being understanding and fun. Last year, I really tried to gain my trust in him and try to have this good relationship, when he actually told me that he's not sure he wants to commit to something serious as spending his life with me and we were already three years in relationship and he was leaving, so it was either end it or get towards marriage, I was devastated, it took me time to start getting over him slowely, he wrote me from time to time, I tried to be friendly and responded, there were sometimes that he ignored me. After three mmonths he came back willing to commit. It was so difficult for me to get my trust back, cause last time he just let me down so badly. I think I never got it back properly. I even wasn't sure I want relationship with him anymore, but he was persistent and caring so soon our relationship started getting better. I actually wanted to move to him as faster as possible, because this long distance relationship actually was doing us very good. I told him that. Actually I was upset when he used to go to his friends and spend more time with them, I felt like I'm in relationship, but not really. He tried to spend more time and in the end he blamed me that I'm making faces when he goes out with his friends, because I don't like them. I tried to explain its not that, just I felt lonely, wanted to spend a little more time with him, he said I'm actually justifying myself. Actually he said a lot of nasty things. But this time it hurts me a lot, but I don't want to be the one who actually does all the work, because I already don't know if he ever carried. He even blamed, that I lured him into coming back with me last time, though he always came bback on his own after some time!

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I tried to be friendly and responded, there were sometimes that he ignored me. After three months he came back willing to commit. It was so difficult for me to get my trust back, cause last time he just let me down so badly. I think I never got it back properly.

Stop being friendly, and stop responding to him at all. Then you will get over HIM properly, and be free to pursue your happiness with a healthy guy who has no baggage, and deals with his problems on a much more mature level.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop being friendly, and stop responding to him at all. Then you will get over HIM properly, and be free to pursue your happiness with a healthy guy who has no baggage, and deals with his problems on a much more mature level.

Thank you, I guesss you are right. Just it hurts so much, I actually thought he was "THE ONE" and worked SO much for this relationship and now I don't even get respect from him.

You'd be better off moving on without him. You're right - he isn't putting forth any effort. A healthy relationship takes two people who give and take. Seems like you're doing all the giving and he just takes and blames.

He actually seems to be pushing you away, so why delay the inevitable? Move on and find someone who really cares.