Ask Me Help Desk - Missing my Ex. Should I try and get her back?

Hey all. First time posting here ever.. here's the situation:

My fiancé and I of 2.5 years broke up (I initiated it) about 3 weeks ago. I did it because we had moved too fast for me, and I kind of freaked out about getting married. I still cared for her, and she was taking things really hard, and she complained that I was acting 'cold and distant', so I wound up trying to be her friend, and there was talk of getting back together, but I wasn't sure what I wanted and needed time. Well, that worked for about a week before we wound up in bed together again. Big mistake on both of our parts, but mostly mine because I really should have known better.

Anyway, for the past week she's been telling me that she's 'prettymuch over me, and needs me to not talk to her so it will stay that way', which sounds to me like she's just trying to convince herself she's over me. So I've given her some space and not communicated with her that much, except for some financial stuff that we needed to discuss.

I've been having a relatively rough time dealing with it, but now for the past couple of days I've had these desperate feelings of missing her. I considered that it might be that I just miss having SOMEONE there to be with... but I'm starting to get the feeling that I really just miss her in particular.

The reasons we broke up were relatively silly. She was attractive, smart, funny, and I was really comfortable with her.. and I left her because I felt that I was taking her for granted and that she would be better off without me. On top of that, we'd had a huge fight a week before the breakup, that we had made up about, but it was still eating at me. She'd just turned 19 the previous month, and her drinking was bothering me, but it wasn't really that bad, and it was calming down anyway. Basically, any reason I can think of why I broke up with her was relatively fixable with some serious discussion and maybe some work on my part, and I really think I might've made a huge mistake.

Is this just a natural part of the process of breaking up, where I fool myself into taking her back? Or is this an actual case where I should seriously be thinking about doing that? If yes, how would I go about doing that?

Please help...

<<Anyway, for the past week she's been telling me that she's 'prettymuch over me, and needs me to not talk to her so it will stay that way', which sounds to me like she's just trying to convince herself she's over me. So I've given her some space and not communicated with her that much, except for some financial stuff that we needed to discuss.
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Is it just because you think you cannot have her now that makes you want her back?!
Go and talk to her and talk about the breakup , why you did it, the reasons,and that you want to give your relationship another chance. She has just turned 19 though?? Very young to get married!!

You're too young to get married.

If she said leaqve her alone - then leave her alone.

If she's 19 then please understand SHE isn't ready to marry either.

The only mistake would be marrying so young. You both sound waytoo imature to handle a marriage. Marriage is serous stuff - it's for keeps - there is no throw away.

Go out and date others. In 6 months if you still have feleings - contact her then.

But guys shouldn't even consider marryin gunti lage 30 - and women at least 25. Otherwise your just asking for heartache and mess.

Nope !You must to tell her how you feel.Exactly what you feel.That you love her and you was afraid relationship between you two are going to fast and you really don't want to loose her or to heard her .You was scared but you love her.

Yeah - have fun with that.

Nope - this isn't a movie. Doesn't work that way.;

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirquacksalot

Hey all. First time posting here ever.. heres the situation:

My fiance and I of 2.5 years broke up (I initiated it) about 3 weeks ago. I did it because we had moved too fast for me, and I kinda freaked out about getting married. I still cared for her, and she was taking things really hard, and she complained that I was acting 'cold and distant', so I wound up trying to be her friend, and there was talk of getting back together, but I wasn't sure what I wanted and needed time. Well, that worked for about a week before we wound up in bed together again. Big mistake on both of our parts, but mostly mine because I really should have known better.

Anyway, for the past week she's been telling me that she's 'prettymuch over me, and needs me to not talk to her so it will stay that way', which sounds to me like she's just trying to convince herself she's over me. So I've given her some space and not communicated with her that much, except for some financial stuff that we needed to discuss.

I've been having a relatively rough time dealing with it, but now for the past couple of days I've had these desperate feelings of missing her. I considered that it might be that i just miss having SOMEONE there to be with... but I'm starting to get the feeling that I really just miss her in particular.

The reasons we broke up were relatively silly. She was attractive, smart, funny, and I was really comfortable with her.. and I left her because I felt that I was taking her for granted and that she would be better off without me. On top of that, we'd had a huge fight a week before the breakup, that we had made up about, but it was still eating at me. She'd just turned 19 the previous month, and her drinking was bothering me, but it wasn't really that bad, and it was calming down anyway. Basicly, any reason I can think of why I broke up with her was relatively fixable with some serious discussion and maybe some work on my part, and I really think I might've made a huge mistake.

Is this just a natural part of the process of breaking up, where I fool myself into taking her back? Or is this an actual case where I should seriously be thinking about doing that? If yes, how would i go about doing that?

Please help...

I think we all have had regrets about a break up. There is something easy about familiarity. Are you seeing anyone else? If not maybe you should try another pasture for a short time. Join a gym or go to your gym more. Find an outlet. Get a dog. Chicks love dogs and go to a dog park. Get a Yorkie. Women love Yorkies. Hell, I love Yorkies and I am as straight as they come. All I am saying find another focus in your life and while you are at it write down why you all broke up to begin with.

Be brutal and write down, for yourself only, all that was great and all that was horrible about the relationship. Include in there money issues, toilet seat issues, snoring, workouts, sex, hygiene, Iraq, death and life, control (huge) and habits. Weigh it out. I didn't do this in some of my relationships and looking back I wish I had. I would have seen the whole picture. If you can look at the info you put out and honestly say we deserve another chance then go for it. Otherwise you will be kicking yourself for getting right back in the same sinking boat. Her name isn't Titanica or anything?

Good luck,

James

You may be missing her just because she's no longer there with you. She's actually doing the smart thing by avoiding you and requesting that you not contact her. If things are the way you've portrayed them in your post, then I don't think you're really ready for anything serious like marriage or a long-term committed relationship. It's OK not to be but it isn't right to lead people on either. That said I'd just forget about her and move on. If she ever confronts you and demands to know why you broke up with her I'd just tell her honestly and forthright that you came to the realization that you just weren't ready.