I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I love him very much... but he's a possesive freak and I have to watch who I speak to , where I go when he's not home, and watch who I'm friends with... I go to the mall with him and I'm nervouse someone might stop and talk to me and he would freak out on me asking me all kinds of questions that don't make any sense. Things like since when are you friends with that idiot , and how come he smiled at you like that all kids of stupid things. I never used to live this way I never tolerated it with my ex and I do with him.. for some reason I always take him back when we fight... I've told him to leave so many times thrown him out but he always comes back... I feel trapped because he can go everywhere with his friends and not tell me when hell be back I go to my dads and he gives me crap because I'm too long. So I shut myself up in my house and don't go out I cook clean and that's it take care of the kids I go out only for the necessary things that's it... I want out but don't know how to get rid of him. But I don't know why I feel so bad wanting to braek up with him.sometimes he's such a nice guy. When he has money and cigarttes and life is perfect.. but 80 percent of the time he's miserable and so and I... HELP ME... sometimes he tells me stories of his past like how and where he screwed his ex girlfrinds .

Controlling, selfish behavior should not be tolerated. Nor does it seem to do much but get worse as time goes on.
What is it about him that makes you love him if you're miserable 80% of the time?
I would end this sooner than later.

This man is a control freak who wants a maid and sex partner. You are not a possession! You are a person.

Has he ever been physically abusive to you or threatening?

You are only stuck, until you leave, and that's what you need to do.

Stay gone this time, as why would you CHOOSE to live like this?

Ain't that much love in the world, and trust me, this AIN'T love. Its bondage.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You are only stuck, until you leave, and thats what you need to do.

Stay gone this time, as why would you CHOOSE to live like this?

Ain't that much love in the world, and trust me, this AIN'T love. Its bondage.

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Have to spread the love... you are right!

This type of behavior is abuse, even worst than physcial in many ways. Stop it, don't allow it. Make him change this though counseling. And back off from him till he is changing

Stay away from him... he'll start getting worse and soon he will become physically abusive. All the signs are there. Has he ever hit you?

And even if he hasn't hit you "yet", this behavior is usually a progressive thing that makes it almost inevitable.
Hopefully you can get help and work it out. But do it from afar where you will be safe during the process. Seeing the control ebbing away can be a catalyst for violence and intimidation. Be cautious of the extreme possibility.

Ive been where you are and take it from me it gets worse much much worse, you must leave ASAP, do it when he's at work or when he's gone out, but do it you must.

If you need info about this type of behaviour I have plenty I could add to a post here as an attachment, reply to my post here if you would like more info.

Really though you must get out of this relationship, its going no where.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Ive been where you are and take it from me it gets worse much much worse, you must leave ASAP, do it when hes at work or when hes gone out, but do it you must.

If you need info about this type of behaviour I have plenty I could add to a post here as an attachment, reply to my post here if you would like more info.

Really though you must get out of this relationship, its going no where.

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Spousal abuse by a husband does not change. They wait till they have you right where they want you. Alienated from your friends.. no job.. No contact with your family and BOOM you are right back at square one.
It will start again... I will bet on that.

When you are being controlled by a man, there is a purpose to it.

Men who control, are insecure, and must conquest, mould, direct, and de-humanize their partners into an emotional place, where the victim (you) have essentially, lost themselves.

It is a gradual process. Might start with isolating you from family and friends, suggesting that you wear less provocative clothing, lower heels, less makeup.

Monitoring your conversations, your reactions (real or imagined) to others, particularly males, thus eliminating 'threats'.

Controlling the finances, and making you feel grateful for having food on the table and a roof over your head.

Checking the number of miles you put on the car that day, and creating a situation around it.

Having you feel guilt and remorse over his very convincing lecture on how he perceives you to be flirtatious with the grocery store clerk.

Accusing you of being unfaithful.

Accusing you of deliberately undermining his authority- you must be up to something to purposely upset him.

Dinner is not on time- what did you do with every second of your day.

Over time, you are worn down, and worn out, turning yourself into the person he perceives and expects you to be. So you try harder and harder, and fall deeper and deeper into that very scary place of trying to please him, in order to save yourself.

What you think, feel, do, say is confirmed only by him. Nothing you say or do has any effect on him, except to push you deeper into silence.

It is much like the walking dead, as in dead soul.

What pleases me is that you have posted here, so there is still a spark in you that has not gone the way of bruising and battering- yet. That WILL come.

If you think you are wrong in how you feel and think- you are NOT.

If you feel like you are betraying him in questioning the relationship- you are NOT.

If you think that he will change, he will- it will get worse, not better.

I do understand why you stay. Hope, promises, 'love', having basic needs met. But, you are in the same boat as the family dog. No more, no less.

Human beings treating other human beings, the way yours is toward you, is a place that, should you stay, you may very well end up broken, without any resolve or determination or strength to get out. Women end up dead in these situations.

I am hoping with all my heart, that you need confirmation that you are not crazy, and that what you see, is what it is. You are not imagining things. It is what it is.

My best advice to you is to seek some guidance from your local battered women's shelter. While you may not be ready to move on yet, it is in your best interest to find out what resources are available in your area should you need emergency, or long term assistance. You will be surprised at just how much can be done for you to start a new life.

Are you ready to put a plan in motion?

Leave today if you can. You are living with a man whose attitude can change like the weather. You are in danger of becoming a battered woman or even worse.
Take our advice... Please..