In 1998 I was convicted of "felony menacing with a deadly weapon" after losing my composure for a split second, during a very ugly separation in the state of Colorado. No one was injured, or touched in anyway during the commission of my crime. I served my time, completed counseling, psychotherapy, and 4 years of probation with no problem. I have since regained sole custody of my 11 year old daughter, after her mother pretty much dropped her off on my doorstep 3 years ago. My question is this; How can a single father, convicted of a felony 8 years ago, successfully overcome the stigma of the conviction, and obtain a career and, a home in a respectable neighborhood, in order to provide a safe environment for my child. - Desperate to leave the past behind-Chris:confused:

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Originally Posted by Chris Petinaud

How can a single father, convicted of a felony 8 years ago, successfully overcome the stigma of the conviction,

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Hello Chris:

You can't do anything about the past. Live each day with honor. Some will recognize your life is different - some won't - but YOU will.

excon

Career and Home are two very different things in this regard. You will need to include your criminal record when applying for jobs. I would prepare a package with a synopsis of the incidents that lead to the conviction and letters from your PO and psychologist and include it as an addendum to your resume.

Your home life is another story. Since you are not a registered sex offender then no one has to know of your past. Once you find a new home (and I realize the job situation may inhibit finding a home in the type of neighborhood you want) you can start fresh. I'm not talking about lying, by the way, just don't give a full explanation.

I agree with both of the gentlmen above. You made your mistakes, and no matter how regrettable they are.. you have a criminal record... every job is going to see that. I am not sure how to go about getting into a decent job... I would think working your way up is going to be harder than most with your criminal record. I am sure you can do it though. You seem to really want it for you and your daughter... so go for it.

As for social reputation as already mentioned.. its no body else's business. My own mother went to prison, and my grandmother told all of her friends she went off to 'college'. It was more of a family joke than for shame. My mom has been out for 12 years now and has never had a problem (as far as I know) with anyone judging her... hardly anyone knows but the close friends who matter.
As for work; she has always struggled since she never graduated HS, but she has done very well. She has started her own business breeding horses. Of course horses are her passion and expensive.. (Her long time BF has worked to save money, plus she gets mony from her deceased military husband).
Maybe starting your own business could work for you? There are millions of job out there... do you have education and experience?

Anyway, I just wanted to say good job for being able to move on and for wanting to take the best care of your daughter. I commend you for wanting to pick up your life after what might have seemed like it was over. You sound lke a strong person, and I wish you the best..

Many good suggestions here to which I would only add this:

To expand on what Excon said, reclaiming anything personal is one day at a time, one person at a time, one experience at a time -- for all of us. I know this from having seen some seriously trainwrecked lives recover and rebuild. I have had to do some of it myself and my work is not done, mucho easier but not done. There is, to some people, nothing more powerful than someone who learned a lesson the hard way. Portray that and the doors that need to open for you, will. Focus on the fact that it is learned (past tense) so that if and when it comes up, you can speak from a position of strength on it -- not ego or cockiness, just truthful strength. Don't fear your past for that is a way to remain attached to it or worse, become its victim. Remind yourself "that was then, this is now" in order to draw a line to separate them and in that way your past does not become the predictor of your future. The people who understand this will accept you, the people who don't, well LOL you might not want to be around them anyway since they'll get getting some hard lessons themselves LOL... you know what I mean Vern?

You asked a really good question here, thank you. Now you get to discover how much change is really possible -- how fun!

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Originally Posted by s2tp

I agree with both of the gentlmen above. You made your mistakes, and no matter how regrettable they are..you have a criminal record...every job is going to see that. I am not sure how to go about getting into a decent job...I would think working your way up is going to be harder than most with your criminal record. I am sure you can do it though. You seem to really want it for you and your daughter... so go for it.

As for social reputation as already mentioned..its no body elses business. My own mother went to prison, and my grandmother told all of her friends she went off to 'college'. it was more of a family joke than for shame. My mom has been out for 12 years now and has never had a problem (as far as I know) with anyone judging her...hardly anyone knows but the close friends who matter.
As for work; she has always struggled since she never graduated HS, but she has done very well. She has started her own business breeding horses. of course horses are her passion and expensive..(Her long time BF has worked to save money, plus she gets mony from her deceased military husband).
Maybe starting your own business could work for you? There are millions of job out there...do you have education and experiance?

Anyways, I just wanted to say good job for being able to move on and for wanting to take the best care of your daughter. I commend you for wanting to pick up your life after what might have seemed like it was over. You sound lke a strong person, and I wish you the best..

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Thanks s2tp. You've inspired me.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Many good suggestions here to which I would only add this:

To expand on what Excon said, reclaiming anything personal is one day at a time, one person at a time, one experience at a time -- for all of us. I know this from having seen some seriously trainwrecked lives recover and rebuild. I have had to do some of it myself and my work is not done, mucho easier but not done. There is, to some people, nothing more powerful than someone who learned a lesson the hard way. Portray that and the doors that need to open for you, will. Focus on the fact that it is learned (past tense) so that if and when it comes up, you can speak from a position of strength on it -- not ego or cockiness, just truthful strength. Don't fear your past for that is a way to remain attached to it or worse, become its victim. Remind yourself "that was then, this is now" in order to draw a line to separate them and in that way your past does not become the predictor of your future. The people who understand this will accept you, the people who don't, well LOL you might not want to be around them anyway since they'll get getting some hard lessons themselves LOL .... ya know what I mean Vern?

You asked a really good question here, thank you. Now you get to discover how much change is really possible -- how fun!!

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Thank you valinors_sorrow. You've inspired me.

The past is gone. Today is full of possibilities. With each breath you can be aware of the strength at hand.
Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings comfort. We can put the past way behind us. And make each day a new beginning. And look forward to the future with hope. And change that in our lives we are able. And pray for the rest.

The past is gone. Today is full of possibilities. With each breath you can be aware of the strength at hand.
Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings comfort. We can put the past way behind us. And make each day a new beginning. And look forward to the future with hope. And change that in our lives we are able. And pray for the rest.

What skills and training do you have? I wouldn't think that an 8-year-old conviction in which no one was "injured or touched" would be a significant bar to gainful employment. Actually it might even help, as Affirmative Action covers people convicted of felonies under certain conditions as well as racial minorities.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Affirmative Action covers people convicted of felonies under certain conditions as well as racial minorities.

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Hello s:

I don't believe it. The government has been in the forefront of making sure felons DON'T get work. I've never heard of any program, certainly not affirmative action, that helps them. Show me where to look. I can admit I’m wrong.

excon

Yes excon, right after the question have you ever been convicted of any felonies or domestic violence question I don't know of any HR people that keep reading past that.

In fact many industries, such as the medical field that works with Medicare, can't have anyone that have contact with the patient records or with the patient that has any felonies, not even considered.

And the list of such places go on and on.

And with the competition for better jobs getting higher and higher, education, job experience and the such will only go so far when you have 10 applicants, and 9 don't have any record and 1 has a record, I am not saying they could not impress the HR enough to get the job but normally it is not going to happen.

I will note that the ACLU ( normally not my favorite group by any means) is working on trying to make being a felon a civil right issue and a Human Rights Issue. They are working currently on trying to get the felons voting right restored. They are not having a lot of luck at this point, but I do expect to see this going to the Supreme Court in a few years.
I honestly hope this does win, since I have never agreed with the loss of voting rights)

But I do know from that idea of a violation of rights, they are looking at trying to view being convicted as a protected class.

But I don't know of any court cases where this was used for afirmitive action, expect where the felon was a minority. But of course there can be