Hi, I have a this problem and its starting to really get to me. Ill get rite in to it so you can try understand the story of what's happened..

Im a 21 year old guy and I've got this 20 year old girl who's really attractive, smart and has a great personality at this point I can't fault her.. I've knowen her for around 6 years since I was in high school. We have always had something for each other since back in the day, we came that close to being together until another girl came along which I felt at the time I wanted more.. I stayed with the new girl I met for 2 years and we really fell for each other. Mean while the girl I first started liking went off and did her own thing and went into relationship with another guy, she had been with him for 4 years and they only broke up around 7 months ago. I had been single for the last two years living the single life which I've quite liked but at this stage if I found the rite girl id feel comfortable to settle down again..

I'm sure she's the girl, I've always liked her we have fun together and get along well but for some reason I'm not sexualy attracted to her I hardly find the urge to have sex with her. She can try anything with me but she's pritty lucky if she gets anything in return.

mean while the girls I see when I'm single there hasn't been a drama, I don't have to love a girl to sleep with them or really know them sounds mean but at that time I'm only out to have fun, my x girl friend is stunning and sexy when she ever came past id want her. There's a lot of sexual chemistry with her.. I haven't had another relationship since her. I know I'm over her so I can't put it on her.

I just can't see what the problem is with this one particular girl.. she wants be with me but for some reason only let her down when it comes down to the sexual relationship..

We have both had a good chat about it cause we are both clueless why I don't want her that way. She finds it very uncomfortable and embarrassing on her behalf for trying so hard but not getting what she really want. We both rekon it's a mental problem, she suggested its something I can't get over.

We both want to try make it work cause everythings great between us except this.. arrhhh

Have you had a check up that its not a physical problem?

Can you masterbate without problems?

Hey, yes can masterbate no problems, watching pornography etc gives me errections I'm sure everythings normal in that deprtment. Like I said every other girl there's no dramas, some haven't been as good looking or even offer what this girl that I want to see offers just for some reason I can't get the urge for her... really sucks

Sexual chemistry is important in a relationship,although many couples have happy and long relationships without having regular sex.

Are you afraid of commitment?

Are you afraid of getting her pregnant?

Forgive me for asking so many questions,I'm just trying to eleminate reasons for your problem.

To some extent I have been afraid of commitment, reason more so being since my last relationship it ended with her breaking up on me I still had a lot of feelings for her and did for along time.. felt very lost with out her but I moved well along. Since her I hadn't really been looking for another relationship, but now since this girl now was the girl I was originally going to be with, I have always had something for her and at this point I feel ready to settle for the right girl and she seems to fit it all except this problem..

Other reason for commitment is I recently purchased my first house and mortgage, money means a lot to me and I'm afraid to lose it. I deffinatly wouldn't feel comfortable at this stage with a girlfriend living with me.

Pregnancy isn't really an issue. We both don't want children at this stage of our life, she also goes to uni and has her life pritty focused on her future..

I'm fine with questions ask away.. thanks

You have answered your own question as to why there is a problem.

Stress.

Commitment worries.

Financially worries.

Old emotionally scars.

And the worry that she may want to move in.

Now you need a solution.

My advice is first to talk to your girlfriend about your worries,really talk to her,be as honest as you can be.

Take the pressure off having sex,don't make it the be all and end all,play together.

Plan an evening where only one of you gets pleasured,example... she gets all the attention,she does not touch you,kiss,yes,but that's it... this will take the pressure of you to perform.

Get back to basics... kiss,fondle,play,but no intercourse.

Reduce your stress levels,don't take any drugs and reduce your alcohol levels,if you drink.

I think perhaps you have emotional blocks regarding this relationship,you say she ticks all the right boxes except for the sex..

Keep in mind,that sometimes,someone can tick all those boxes,but it just is not working out.

It's not fair for her to be with someone who not only doesn't find her sexually attractive , but who needs to be honest about that fact with her. How devastating that must be for her to be constantly turned down by you. It's not your fault, you just don't feel it.

You either do, or don't, find yourself attracted sexually, to someone of the opposite sex.

That's the way it is in the animal kingdom too. But it's usually the female who is so picky. The male will usually mount whatever presents itself.

It sounds like you need to go be single again. Let this young lady go find someone who DOES find her attractive. Intelectually, spiritually, physically, and sexually. The whole package.

At least you are honest. (?)

I have been honnest with her I just haven't been able to give her the exact answer as to why I don't find her sexualy attractive. I don't want to let her go, nor do I want her to hang around. I'm just hoping I can find the right answer..

At some stage of it all she even said if I didn't want to be with her which at that stage I still didn't quite want a partner she said we could just have a sexual realationship with no strings attached. She feels I'm the only one she wants, no other guy turns her on. She feels very comfortable with me..
Even thoe she came out of that 4 year relationship which I hardly ever spoke to her, and I was with the 2 year relationship, when we met up again it only felt like it was only a few days ago that we last talked, we could get straight back into it.

At the end of the day, you could see her as a best friend, I knew a wonderful women in my college days, she was everything I thought I wanted, everything my parents wanted for me, I even called her parents mom and dad at one point.

I can remember that first kiss, I have never kissed a sister, but if I had, that would be the feeling I think.

While it is very important to be friends with the person, almost more than anything else, there has to be a sexual attraction also.

And after coming out of a relationship and finding her, it may be for you a "safe" place, easier to go with someone you already knew than to be alone to find someone else.

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Originally Posted by jimza_2010

i have been honnest with her i just havnt been able to give her the exact answer as to why i dont find her sexualy attractive. i dont want to let her go, nor do i want her to hang around. im just hoping i can find the right answer..

at some stage of it all she even sed if i didnt want to be with her which at that stage i still didnt quite want a partner she sed we could just have a sexual realationship with no strings attached. she feels im the only one she wants, no other guy turns her on. she feels very comfortable with me..
even thoe she came out of that 4 year relationship which i hardly ever spoke to her, and i was with the 2 year relationship, when we met up again it only felt like it was only a few days ago that we last talked, we could get straight back into it.

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Perhaps it was too soon for you both.

Settling for friends with benefits is not such a good idea,it never works out when one has feelings.

Although you say you have talked about this and your crazy about each other,there seems to be an under current of old hurts and doubts in your relationship.

Perhaps addressing the emotional aspects of your relationship will answer your question about why you don't find her sexually attractive.