I am confused and not sure why. I am going threw a divorce with a man that I loved deepley. He made me feel safe and showed me love just by his hands being so soft. And his soft gentle kisses. He treated me so well and gave me the world.
My storie goes like this
I meet him in Tx were I am from we starting dating and came to my house was very good to me and my kids. Fast forward fell deep in love.
My exhusband did not like the fact that I was dating so one night he came and kicked in my back door.
My husband today decided that I was not in a safe place and asked me if I wanted to move to LA with him so I did.
I packed up my things and moved left college and started a new life in LA away from my ex that was at the time all cracked out and did know hiss a** from his head.
Got to LA and everything was good My husband bought us a nice nice home and was a hard worker that gave me a sense that I had a good good man.
Months latter after moving he told me that he was convicted of child mulstation. Told me his version that it was not true. That his ex wife was just being a bit*** and was setting him up..
I loved him so I believed him..
A year and half latter we got married... every thing was great kids good at least I thought .
One day my oldest came to me and told me that my husband that I am in process of divorcing was touching her. Shortley after my other daughter told me the same.
I called law and dectective. He was arrested and going to court.
I moved out but needed help from my exhusband... So I called him and told him the storie of how myhusband was hurting our girls.
He came downed and helped us move... He has changed so much.
My exhusband at one time was bad in to drugs just as I was but he beat me... for years.
Stole from me and my children to get his fix... I have been sober for years now
That is the reason I divorced him do to the fact of just not getting his act together and stop using drugs.
Any how now my ex is in my life. I have told him that I want to take things slow at my pace cause I have already been hurt serval times by him and that I am hurting from my husband at this time.
Some days I can not stop thinking of my husband all the good times we had.
On the other hand I pray for him and his stick mind.
Some times I want to get close to my ex but some time I can't stand him. I can remember all the pain he has caused me.
I have forgave him or first and foremost he would never be in my life again.
I just don't have the urge to be romantic or any kind of activitey.
He has moved in to my place stays on the couch and honstley we have not had sex
Some times he sleep in my bed but I do not want any thing more.
He has waited for me all these years about 3 while I was gone living a nother life.
I guess my question is
Why do I not want to get close to him
Sometimes I fell I just want to have life on myown
I do love him but I can't seem to find that love I use to have for him will I ever get it back
I have got with him when I was 16 and had 3 of his children.
He does love me I am just confused and have my walls up am I wrong should I let them down? Should I love this man
Thank you for any advice Have a Bless day