I've been with my partner for 10 years we met when we were 16 and I fell pregnant within 2 months the relationship has had some really low points in earlier years when he repeatedly cheated and left me and the kids for other women now I find myself in the situation that I don't want to be with him we haven't had sex in nearly 18 months not even a peck on the cheek and that's down to me as I'm not in love with him and I only see him as a friend and father of my children we separated for a year and in all honesty I had a great time met other guys it was great then his mum died and I felt obliged to let him come back , now as his mum has died he has no where else in the world he could go and stay and he has no money for bonds etc we sleep in separate bedrooms and I can't cope anymore I have told him how I felt and the most he did was fill in some council housing forms to which he's had no reply I honestly think he feels the same way but as he has nowhere to go he's putting up with it I'm 27 and want a life of my own I'm drinking so much I'm scared to push it with him as he makes me feel guilty for asking him to move out and tells the kids mummy says I have to move out I just want my own life and wish I had a magic wand to make him go but still be a good dad siggghhh what a mess

I think perhaps its time to sit down and make a plan,find out exactly when he plans to leave,set a date.

He's a grown man,and you are not his keeper.

Stop drinking. Get your head clear and together, make positive decisions for you and your children to make the transition as smooth as posibly.

Seek legal advice,he may be entitled to stay in the house.

He has no rights as far as the house goes because its mine I looked into that the problem is I'm scared to talk to him about this I don't feel I can as he always turns nasty not in a violent way but emotionally makes me feel guilty I really can't talk to him and as for him being a grown man he's so childish for a 30 year old I've always dealt with all responsibility all problems brought the wages in he has never stood on his own 2 feet I was thinking about saying it in a text as I really don't feel like I can say it to his face I don't no if this is the right thing to do texing him

Saying anything in a text can be misinteruped.

Get someone you trust to sit down with you,your father,brother,sister someone who knows the situation and can be calm and cool headed.

The only way to get out of this is to be as serious as possible and let him know you mean business.

Keep your children's safety and yours in the forefront of your mind always.

Had to spread the rep, Red, but your advice is right on.

I find it curious that your question was, 'we don't have sex anymore', and I'm wondering if you think that will solve all the problems.

You are not his mother, and he is a functioning, capable man, who can (and should) be taking care of himself. That he involves your children to make you seem like the bad guy, in my opinion, is abusive. What a position to put them in.

This doesn't sound like it is ever going to be a long term, loving relationship, with the children's needs coming first. I think you realize that.

As Red said, have a third party present, a mutual friend, a pastor, your mother/father, and lay down the law.

I wouldn't give him a month, I would give him a week- tops. On the day he is to move, have that third person there to assist in moving him out. If he refuses, or things start to get ugly, call the police and ask for assistance.

Then change the locks.

It isn't so much him being there at this point, it is your reluctance to get him out.

A 'good' dad does not mooch off mommy. It isn't like you two are in a relationship and he is a 'stay-at-home' dad. Does he have a job? Is he looking for employment? Is he dating? Does he expect you to allow him to bring 'conquests' back to your home?

How old are your children? If they are old enough, family counseling may be an option. Having a neutral party mediate explaining to the children that mommy and daddy are not a couple and daddy needs his own place might help keep some of his emotional blackmail down.

Do you have a court ordered custody arrangement with child support and visitation spelled out?

The first thing you should do is quit drinking. What if something happened to one of your children and you weren't able to care for them properly?

The next steps would be, like has been mentioned above by some very wise people, are to sit down, three of you, and make a plan. There has to be an exit strategy.

He is not your child. He should not be competing for his own children's financial, and emotional, wellbeing.

I agree that he must be quite immature. This is not the behavior of a grown man with honor. He already knows that he's lost your respect. Remind him where the true point of failure lies. He cannot deny the facts.

Meanwhile, don't compromise your health, and your children's welfare, by turning to the bottle for help. It's not there. I've looked.

God bless you.