3 weeks ago my ex broke up with me because I basically wanted her to be as happy as she could be, and if that was with another guy who was better than me and who she deserved then she should be with him instead of an average guy like me. I think into things too much. I didn't see her for a few weeks because she was always busy, so I jumped to the conclusion she was avoiding me, now I don't think she was. When we eventually did see each other she would fiddle with things instead of holding my hand, I know she always fiddles with anything that comes to hand because its some sort of ocd she thinks she has. But once again I thought she was avoiding contact with me. Call me biased but she's perfect and in my opinion way out of my league. She's beautiful as well as being top in most of her classes and the kindest girl I've ever met.

I'm naturally a shy guy but unlike most other girls who ignored me so long as I ignored them, she would talk with me and it would be easy for me to talk back without stumbling or sounding like an idiot. When I was with her I just felt as if I could do pretty much anything. She doesn't, well didn't understand the concept of hatred and always saw the best in people. I love her too much so I wanted her to be happy because I thought that seeing her happy would make me happy, so I wrote her a letter saying she was out of my league and would be better off with someone else, but I stressed that I didn't want to break up with her. I also said that I have some secrets that will eventually get found out and drag me down into misery when they do because they are the kind of things that change peoples opinions of you, and I didn't want to drag her down with me when it all hit the fan. I was just giving her the chance for us to break up as good friends if she agreed with me. She didn't.

Turns out that I think she was really really happy and completely head over heels in love with me and I with her. So when she read the letter (I wasn't there when she read it) she basically wouldn't talk with me or see me or have anything to do with me anymore because she said she couldn't trust me. All of her friends and mine tried to persuade her to see me, but she wouldn't budge one bit. I made countless calls to her and texts and emails and any other way I could think of getting in contact with her, but I got no reply to anything. Soon I noticed that she had changed her relationship status to single, and also deleted pictures and stuff with us both, without hearing me out about why I thought like I did, or breaking up with me to my face, which is what I deserve because I never said what was in the letter to her face either, so I guess we are even. I got angry and was ready to throw away everything that reminded me of her and I deleted her from Facebook, but I couldn't so I broke down and sent a friend request to her saying everything above, but her sister accidentally accepted it for her, so I'm unsure if she was going to accept it anyway. I tried talking with her, but she didn't reply until she just blocked me, my email and I think also my mobile number. She blocked me 4 days ago.

I went to her house every few days to call but she wasn't in. I left flowers and chocolate on the doorstep as some small token of how much I regret what I did and how I love her, (this was before she blocked me) eventually I saw her once in her front garden when I was trying to visit her house and I looked into her eyes for a few seconds, but she turned around and closed the gate. Her mum saw me and asked who I was here to see, then told me that she had chosen not to see me anymore. That hurt.

I've not tried to contact her in the last 3 days because I know I won't get a response and I'm not even sure she would know if I was trying to contact her. Hell I don't even know if you can block someone's mobile number!

I really really screwed up this relationship with a girl I care about and love so much. I've never felt like this about anyone else before and I don't think she had either. Neither of us have had a serious relationship until this one, so I know that this will sound like teenage first love sob story, but the first one is meant to be special, and I think I've ruined it for us both.

Thank you for taking the time to read this horribly long story, and any advice upon how to get her back to loving and trusting me, or perhaps ways of moving on are all greatly appreciated.

I know there's little hope for this now, but as a wise man once said "Expect the best, but prepare for the worst."

You made a rod for your own back with your insecurities,and lack of self esteem.

She thought you were good enough,even if you didn't,no doubt when she read your letter she was hurt and upset.

You ended the relationship,and disspite your attempts to win her back,nothing has worked,I'm afraid she may never want to try again.

As hard as it is,its time to let go,and let her move on.

For you,its time to build on yourself esteem,everyone has secrets,regrets and things that they are ashamed off.

Understand for the next time,and there will be a next time,that you are worth it,and credit the girl with the intelligence to know she knows what she wants in a guy.

Basically the same message as redhead35. Hopefully you've learned not to write a letter telling someone that they deserve better than you. A word of advice: don't just reveal all your hidden insecurities to a women. You are supposed to be the rock in the relationship, someone she can depend on, a man, and revealing how weak you are doesn't help that. Don't take this personally, but what you need right now is to focus on yourself and building yourself esteem, not a relationship. You need to realize that you are the perfect man for your girlfriend. Stop visiting her and texting her. Build your own confidence and hope that you see her 3 months from now and she can see that you are a new man. You're not going to win her back by being the old you with insecurities. You need to start over with her, not fix the past.

Its not going to be 3 months down the line when I see her next, its less than 3 weeks! And unfortunately we have the same group of friends which is how we met, so I'm going to see her and have to talk with her eventually.
I didn't want to end the relationship, I expressly said I didn't, I just love her too much so I let her go if she wanted to go.

And irony is in the forefront here. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt about her before I asked her out and she gave me an obvious hint to get on with it. So it started and ended with a letter.
And also, I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself fall in love or have feelings for another person until I was out of education. But love is just funny like that. Its like an assassin trying to break into a castle to kill some one. The castle being my barriers and the victim my heart. Somehow it just happened.

Perhaps she is just confused and hurt still and needs time and space to come to terms with everything. Maybe she is wracking her mind each night like I am to find out why I did what I did or if it was her fault in some way.am I in the back of her mind all day like she is in mine? I'll never know. Maybe if I move on she will approach me to talk or unlikely come "crawling back", but I really hope not. Because crawling really isn't her style!

Regret42, I'm in a similar siutation. And I think we've BOTH been insecure idiots!

I met a wonderful lady last summer, and we really hit it off well. It seemed too good to be true in some ways (I never expected to find "the one"). I'm especially conscious that I'm a slim 'bookish' chap, whereas both her exes are big strapping fellows, and I stupidly made comments in the past denigrating my own physique - and bedroom prowess.

Since starting a college course last year, she has had less time for me - which is understandable - but has increasingly tried to push me further way. This change of heart caused me to react in an insecure way, which has made her even more distant. The more I tried to accommodate and accept compromise, and the more I decared my "intense love" for her, the more distant she became.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, having finished at college last week, instead of saying that she wants to spend MORE time with me, she said that she finds me stifling, and after a long wants some time apart for us both to think about whether this can work...

It really floored me, but I just left it at "well you know where I am." And I won't contact her for at least a week.

But the damage is probably already done. The issues between us are by no measn one-sided, but - looking back - I was too eager to please, too open with insecurities, and too overbearing with the "I love you's"... and few women respect that sort of behaviour.

You not only turned her off with your insecurity, but probably scared the crap out of her with,
I also said that i have some secrets that will eventually get found out and drag me down into misery when they do because they are the kind of things that change peoples opinions of you, and i didnt want to drag her down with me
What a bunch of drama!! UGH!!

Quote:

---

I was just giving her the chance for us to break up as good friends if she agreed with me. She didn't.

---

Well she broke up with you, so mission accomplished. I highly suggest you learn from your mistakes, improve on how you cope with, and handle your personal issues, and rebuild without her.

Sorry buddy but you screwed up, so now keep what's left of your dignity, and self respect, and leave her alone. She will see you again, so get your best foot forward from here on in.

Can't really think of anywhere else to go right now so here goes.

She's been seeing another guy for a week or two now and they've gone out a few times. They aren't official or anything yet so I don't know why I'm worried.
Its just in the last year or so he's had a string of unsuccessful relationships which he's come out of perfectly fine, but the girls on the other hand have been pretty upset and hurt. A friend of his keeps teasing him about how it's a new day, a new girl because he's a bit of a player, and she estimated it to be about 20 girls in 9 months. I really hope that's an exaggeration, because that says to me he plays with girls feelings then just tosses them away like unwanted toys.
I know I have no business in this anymore and can't really do anything about it, its her choice after all. I just don't want to see her get hurt again. I was her first proper boyfriend so she probably doesn't know that much about dating, but neither do I, or maybe she knows precisely what she's doing.
Bottom line is I'm worried about something I have no right to be worried about. I just hope he changes to be with her and they are happy together. Although I have a feeling there might be a line of broken girls telling her their stories to persuade her not to end up like them.

Ah well. Lets see how it turns out. Could be interesting :)

The real question is what are you doing for yourself? The hell with what she is doing.

Me? I'm trying to carry on like normal, and I was getting better I think, until I found out. Now I just feel as if I can be easily forgotten. Which is silly really isn't it?
I've taken to spending large amounts of time alone or just with my brother. Not sure if that's good or bad :/ you know going for long walks or for a run, took that advice from the breakup guide "get fit" well I'm trying to anyway :) also concentrating more on strengthening my leg back up because I recently had it operated on. Otherwise I'm just carrying on with schoolwork trying not to think about it.
I would go to bed at night without having thought about her all day, and a little smile would spread across my face, thinking I was finally on the mend. Now I think about her a bit more then I did. Not good I presume?

What else can I do really to take my mind off things?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Regret42

me?? im trying to carry on like normal, and i was getting better i think, until i found out. now i just feel as if i can be easily forgotten. which is silly really isnt it?
i've taken to spending large amounts of time alone or just with my brother. not sure if thats good or bad :/ you know going for long walks or for a run, took that advice from the breakup guide "get fit" well im trying to anyway :) also concentrating more on strengthening my leg back up cos i recently had it operated on. otherwise im just carrying on with schoolwork trying not to think about it.
i would go to bed at night without having thought about her all day, and a little smile would spread across my face, thinking i was finally on the mend. now i think about her a bit more thn i did. not good i presume?

what else can i do really to take my mind off things?

---

Reading is a great thing to take your mind off him... Spend time with friends. It will just take a while... Go on a cruise. You'll be all right. It may not seem like it now but you will... :):)

Be patient and stay busy and active and eventually time will heal you.

Its been my experience that time goes a lot faster, and you heal better, when you are enjoying yourself.

Well, thanks for the advice guys. I shall give it my best shot and will keep you posted on how I'm doing. Because I'm sure you love it when you get confirmation that your help worked and made someone happy again :) And now the time has come, for time to pass.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Regret42

well, thanks for the advice guys. i shall give it my best shot and will keep u posted on how i'm doing. cos im sure u love it when you get confirmation that your help worked and made someone happy again :) And now the time has come, for time to pass.

---

You'll do great!

Is it normal to feel, well not sick exactly, but have a strange feeling in my stomach whenever I hear her name mentioned or see her new boyfriend? Oh and also, the
NO CONTACT rules, stuck to them fine for the last month or so, but now I'm getting a strange urge to just call her and congratulate her on her new found happiness, almost as if to let her know there are no hard feelings my end, (im thinking pretty low chances of that being the same with her) and generally let her know I'm happy for her and wish her luck. I don't think its such a great plan to be honest, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it :( oh and of course there is the slight problem she might not even pick up the phone if she recognises my number.

Dear me I am a mess.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Regret42

is it normal to feel, well not sick exactly, but have a strange feeling in my stomach whenever i hear her name mentioned or see her new boyfriend? oh and also, the
NO CONTACT rules, stuck to them fine for the last month or so, but now i'm getting a strange urge to just call her and congratulate her on her new found happiness, almost as if to let her know there are no hard feelings my end, (im thinking pretty low chances of that being the same with her) and generally let her know i'm happy for her and wish her luck. i dont think its such a great plan to be honest, but i can't seem to stop thinking about it :( oh and ofcourse there is the slight problem she might not even pick up the phone if she recognises my number.

dear me i am a mess.

---

Leave her alone... NO CONTACT.

Leave her alone... NO CONTACT.

But the feelings are normal, but will pass with time.

Stick to it my friend I know how hard it is. Try listening to Eminems new tracks Not afraid, Going through Changes and talking 2 myself. Those 3 have really been helping me over the past few days, to me he speaking a lot of sense of the feelings I'm feeling right now and I have to see the women I love every other day because of my girls. If it was not for the girls I wouldn't speak to her at all.

I'm sticking to it like glue. The glue has already dried and hardened so its brittle. Every knock I take a little bit of me breaks off from the glue. This was a little piece from a little knock. Unfortunately their will be a giant knock coming along soon in about a month and a bit where we are spending a week in the same place. All day together pretty much.

I'd love us to be just friends again how we were before it went wrong and I'm probably going to have to talk with her during that week. Either as strictly professional or as mutual friends. Everyone has tried to convince me that she doesn't hate me as much as I think, but we can be friends again, I just have to try talk with her. However I'm not so sure. Hell, even they don't sound too convinced by their own arguments.

But, in a strange way I suppose, on the upside there are very few people who like her being with her new boyfriend considering his history and all that jazz. Nothing they can do about it though is there! Haha.

I wanted her to hurry and get a new boyfriend because it would tell that small part of my head that it definitely IS OVER. I would have been fine with it if it was anyone I knew fairly well and could trust to treat her right. But I don't much trust him and everyone else is equally worried about her, if not more so.

But, two's company, three's a crowd. Opinions of the 3rd party don't matter in a relationship. Its all about them.

But really its to try talking, or not to try talking. That is unfortunately the question!

Just be polite, and leave the personal history alone, and stay out of her business, when you have to be together in public.

Your right what she does is no business to anyone now, whether you like the new guy, or not.

To bad we can never get back to the way it was, because too much has gone on between you.

But have no regrets, or trip over the future, because life, just like feelings, is subject to change, and you will be challenged to adjust, and make the most of it.

Be friendly, that's it!