I have been married for 24 years this fall. I have a nice house great well adjested children and two grandchildren. For a very long time I have been resisting the desire to leave my marriage. People speak about being in or out of love. I don't know what it is to be in love. The decision to get married was based on practicality, wanting to have a family and seeking the stability that being married contributes too. Now Im finding that I'm lost immensily sad and thinking that I should have left a long time ago. The thought of starting a life over at the age of 50 terrifies me so I stay. My spouse needs regular sex and mixes no words telling me about my "wifely duties. But I couldn't care less about my wifely duties and put off going to bed until I know he's asleep. It seems we exsist in the same house with nothing much left between us. We don't have a lot of common interestes but never really did.
I believe I desparatly want to get out but done have the guts to leave.

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Originally Posted by j_thompson

I believe I desparatly want to get out but done have the guts to leave.

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You've raised children, you've been a good wife, you've kept a clean house, but what have you done for yourself all these years -- or even lately?

***ADDED*** Do you work at a job you enjoy, do you have any hobbies you look forward to working on, do you swim or hike, do you volunteer somewhere, do you go to classes at a community college?

He can't be all bad if you've stayed for 24 years.

Is it possible that the two of you could attend marriage counselling? See if you can't figure out if there is something left of the marriage to fight for, or work on?

Are you going to be able to find a job, or are you already working? 50 is young to retire- what are your plans in that department if you do leave.

There is no guarantee that your life will be better, or that you will be happier if you leave. You may find that once you are out of the marriage, life will be difficult and you may have regrets.

That is why I say, explore all possible avenues before making this decision. You have much of your life invested in this marriage. See if counselling wouldn't help.

When the whirlwind of raising children is over, and you are once again back to where you started, just the two of you, I think it's natural to be a little selfish, and think about your own life, and how you want to live it.

In this country (Canada) if you last 25 years, you get a nice scroll from the Prime Minister's office congratulating you on your success. Even he realizes how rare marriages are that last.

Try not to do anything before you thouroughly check out your options. You may be surprised what is there, if you two go to counselling.

What are you doing to make the marriage better or work, Have you gotten into counseling, are you doing activities that you enjoy.

Do you work outside the house or more ?

Have you talked to your husband about counseling? Maybe go yourself then you can get a better handle on what is going on with you. Explore all options before you give up.

If you are truly miserable in this marriage, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will find the guts to leave.