Hello,
I am in a very tough spot with my husband and his son from a previous marriage. His son is 21 years old. He has had issues since I met his dad over 7 years ago. When he was younger he ran away and threatened suicide over a girl he couldn't see... and his mom and dad gave in... he barely made it through school... his mom and dad made excuses for him... he decided to move in with us when he didn't like living at his mom's... even know there was no room. He leaves his stuff and dishes everywhere even when he's told to pick up. I am the one left cleaning up. He doesn't even do his own laundry. He got a job at Chase bank because his mom works there... missed work ALL the time for over two years and then blamed them when he was let go. He was denied unemployment... its not his fault... He has been in court over and over for his car and for drugs... according to him it was never his stuff! SO his last stunt was crashing his car over the weekend on purpose because he thought the insurance would pay off his car and any leftover cash would just be his. Now with all this, I haven't mentioned the car was in his mom's name so it screws her... that his mom and dad have paid for all his mistakes both mentally and with cash... and I have never heard him say sorry. Where I come into the picture is my building visibal dislike for his character. I have had many conversations with his dad about his lack of responsibility for his actions and it always turns ugly. His dad will defend him and bash me for saying anything bad about him. He also will confront him when he does something but then feel bad an hour later. His son has been sleeping on our couch (again) since he wrecked his car and has made no attempt to say sorry. He just hangs out at his friends all day and comes to our house to sleep at night. I am on the verge of a breakdown. I do not want to live my life dealing with all the drama and not being happy in my own house. Please help me... I feel all alone. I get no support from my husband when it comes to his son.

My first suggestion to you is to, "Let it go!" This is not your fight so stay out of it.

I know that is not easy advice to take, but you must heed it to save yourself.

Both my wife and I went through this when our son went active on drugs and alcohol. I really wish I could say this is an easy thing to do, but it just is not.

Might I suggest that you tell your husband no longer want to be part of any conversation regarding the miscreant's behavior or actions nor will you continue to pick up or clean up after him. "He's your son, not mine, you appear to want him here, I've told you I don't, so he's all yours." And that if the bum starts up with you, you will call the police and have him arrested to protect yourself.

If a squabble or fight starts up in your presence, go to another room. Sooner or later your husband may learn that he is beating his head against a stone wall and you don't want to be involved so he should stop using you as a vehicle for his frustration.