My husbands ex wife gave up rights to their daughters a year ago due to her now husbands abuse toward the girls. I adopted them.. well through out the whole time her and o have known each other she has formed some kind of weird bond with me. In fact she to this day has no communication with my husband or the girls but calls me her best friend. Her whole family has abandoned her, which there is mental illness throughout her family. But I just recently have started getting emails from her again saying that she is pregnant and doesn't know who to turn to or even who the father is. She honestly has no one. She asked me if she could put me on her will as the baby's guardian, I said yes.. my questian is.. if I am on the will as the guardian and I see that the environment the baby is in is not OK do I have any rights to step in? She informed me that her ex boyfriend (who is a pedophile) called her from jail and wants to start a relationship again. She has guys still call and ask for one night stands. Her abusive husband and her are in the process of getting a divorce but still see each other alp the time... what do I do?

Her Will controls her estate (and this unborn child) following her death, not during her lifetime. She also can name anyone guardian of the child following her death but blood relatives can set her wishes aside. If she names you as the guardian, she dies, you take the child a family member (either her family OR the father's family) can go to Court and gain custody IF they are not a danger to the child.

Anyone can step in if they see a child being mistreated - you call Child Protective Services (or whatever it's called in your area) and they investigage. In fact, I think it's the duty of people who see abuse to report it.

If the pedophile is involved in any way then there is a duty to report the situation.

You could also, of course, adopt the baby.

If I was to adopt the baby ( which both my husband and myself are more then OK with and are will to do) how would that work.. I mean wait until I have enough proof to show unstable environment then move to adopt or what?

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Originally Posted by lilmamaE

If I was to adopt the baby ( which both my husband and myself are more then ok with and are will to do) how would that work.. I mean wait until I have enough proof to show unstable environment then move to adopt or what?

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Adoption normally requires consent by the parent.

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Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Adoption normally requires consent by the parent.

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I'm sure AK meant parents - if the father is known or suspected.

Yes, you would need signed consents, a Court proceeding, an evaluation.

Yeah it was her choice to end her rights on her first three that I adopted... I guess I'm just worried about the baby. I have seen how much pain the girls (her first three I adopted) went through I didn't want to see this one to through it too... I was hoping there was a way to stop it before it has to get to that point.

Not unless she is willing to allow you to adopt OR the child is taken from her immediately by a Government agency.

Would she allow you to begin the adoption procedure now, before the baby is born?

Has anyone spoken to her (gently) about the need to either use birth control, the benefits of having her tubes tied, something?

So many people post on AMHD and I question their motives - you are to be commended (but you don't need me to tell you that).

Thank you. Yes I have talked to her about getting her tubes tied, but she.. well the best way to describe it is she may be 32 however she is not there mentally. To be honest I think she is searching for something pr someone to love her... I also think that's why she sleeps around like she does... I've hinted very strongly that we would love to adopt but she isn't thinking about the baby its app about her. She was the same way with the girls... she knew he was hitting them but always had a reason why she needed them to stay...

This makes my heart aches. I just went through this same thing with a 25 year old who doesn't have the brains of a goat and had a baby so "someone would love her."

Keep in mind that this is a "girl" (because there's no way she's an adult woman) from a stable family - but also a "girl" who can't hold a job, flunked out of several colleges.

I blame TV and movies and home environment and everything I can and it sounds like you are dealing with mental problems at the same time.

I feel awful about this.

She don't have a clue who the father is... she doesn't even know what color the baby will be when he is born...

First, a person cannot give up their rights to a child just like that. The only reason she was allowed to was because you were there to adopt your step children.

If you were to move to adopt this new child both parents would have to agree to it or you would need to make a good faith effort to get both parent's agreement. Didn't you have an attorney handle the adoption of your step-children? Why not consult that attorney?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm sure AK meant parents - if the father is known or suspected.
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In this case it appears clear that the ID of the father is unknown. Therefore I used the singular: parent.

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Originally Posted by AK lawyer

In this case it appears clear that the ID of the father is unknown. Therefore I used the singular: parent.

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Wasn't correcting you - I just was preparing OP for the possibility that a father will pop up some time between now and when OP is ready to discuss adoption or any other situation.