Ask Me Help Desk - He's married and not happy with her

Ok well here's my problem, I have been seeing this guy for a wile now and he's married with kids. He is not happy in his marriage but we are very happy together. I love him very much and he feels the same way about me. The only readson he is with his wife still is for the kids. I don't know what to do. He is a marine and on recruting duty. I can completely understand the long hours and stuff like that and all his wife wants to do is about it, but that's what happeneds when you do recruting duty. All I want for him is to be happy. Is it wrong for me to love him? Please help..?

My advice is to leave him, unless your fine with sharing your guy. Keep in mind that he's unfaithful to his wife and still being married unfaithful to you. He's obsiously someone that can not be trusted if he's with the both of you. Your sharing your guy with his wife. He says that he loves you but won't leave his wife? Children are not a reason to say with someone that you "dont love". Its obvious that he loves his wife and is not willing to leave her. He wants the best of both worlds. Good luck jennipher.

He is not your man. You are an intruder in a sacred vow that was made between two people. You are a thorn in the side of his wife and children and are recklessly endangering their chances of reconciliation and happiness in the future. You are taking advantage of a situation in which a couple has come to a point of discord in their marriage. It is none of your business and you should gracefully back away from the entire situation! If a man is divorced then you have reason to get involved in a relationship with him but this is deceit! He is a cheater and you are a thief! Have more respect for yourself, his wife, his children and hope that they can grow up with their father! Get a life and a man of your own without stealing him from another woman! You'll be a better person if you do!

Its not wrong for you to love him but what it does is bring yourself esteem down, you'll never be anything to him but his bit on the side and that's no good for you, you need to be number 1. find a man who can give you it all not one great day every now and again when the wife isn't getting the attention. If he truly loved you hed leave his wife simple as that, I realise he has kids so really you have to be strong and break it off before all of you get hurt.

Trust me... this man is not going to leave his wife for you or anyone else. If he were, he'd have done it already. He's playing you like a violin at the annual "Saps Convention".

He may be staying, but it's not because of the kids. It's because he's married and he loves his wife and family.

Chances are, you're not the only dish on the side.

When you're not around, he's giving his boys high fives talking about how stupid you are!

He's a loser... leave him alone.

This advice is coming from a man, by the way. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I thank God for changing my life.

That's a horrible situation to be in but the fact that you started a relationship with a man you knew was married is your fault. He should choose between you and his wife and so far it seems like he's using you to get what he wants without a real or ignolage relationship. He may say its for the kids but if his kids ever found out even when they are older it would be much worse than their parents divorcing. Its OK for you to love him but its not OK for you to do something about it.

Just stop and think of what you are saying and think of how you would feel innher shoe.Maybe the time he is spending with you he could be spending with his wife and kids and maybe she would not be ing,You are taking someone's else husband and father.Go look in a mirror and ask how you would feel!

If you love him and he loves you, then go for it. If the kids like you and you're willing to accept the responsibility of being a stepmom, then follow your heart. Tell him how you feel and about your decision. If he agrees then great and if he doesn't then at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. If he's not happy with his current wife, then they should not be together, even if they have kids. They can share custody of the kids after they've split up. It's better that the kids can see their parents happy, than see them always ing at each other. Go for it, because you will regret it if you don't. You know you will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by djmarxus

If you love him and he loves you, then go for it.

This is like that bankrupt hippie commune thing, "we're all friends." Get real. It is not that simple. This is called Adultery, by the way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by djmarxus

If he's not happy with his current wife, then they should not be together, even if they have kids. They can share custody of the kids after they've split up. It's better that the kids can see their parents happy, than see them always ing at each other. Go for it, because you will regret it if you don't. You know you will.

Have you ever thought about the idea that perhaps marriage takes work? Why bother being married if when you become unhappy with him or her, you just throw the contract away. That is a spineless thing to do--it is what people with no integrity do.

Oh yeah, they can share the kids. That sounds just great. I lived that way as a kid. Had to deal with a step-father, not able to see my own father but every other weekend, lived 150 miles away. Just great, I'll tell you.

Your idea of "well, if everybody will be happier, then go for it" is such a bankrupt post-modern idea. Life isn't that easy. "Happiness" isn't everything. A deeper level of contentment is far more valuable than a superficial "happiness" which is what you are encouraging--a superficial "let's all just get along" (except let's not work on getting along if it takes work!).

By the way, I am not religiious, not "born again" or any of that. I don't think it is necessary top bring religion into this. The value of a marriage is a contract with the state, which provides for stability of the family. It is not something to be taken lightly.

Every marriage goes through tough spots. I've been there. I've slept on the couch. That is life. You move forward, you learn to listen to the other person, you learn to work as a team.

I suggest that the girl here who is cheating with the married man take stock of her situation, drop that guy lilke a hot potato, leave his family alone, and hope he can figure it all out.

You will find a better guy who is willing to commit to you.

Sometimes we enter into arrangements and think to ourselves, that we can handle it, something is better than not having at all, especially when the attached person is so loveable. You desire for him to be happy, which leads me to question, what about your happiness. It is true... we must esteem people higher than ourselves; however, we are not to neglect our own core needs. Sometimes, we must assume the other woman's position... would you want someone to occupy your man simply because he is overwhelmed at the present time. It has been my observation and resolve... never get involved with a married man. Let him decide what he wants, if he is willing to stay for the sake of the children... and he feels that his presence is needed to fulfill that desire, then leave him so that he can redirect his focus on his primary responsibility. You want him to be happy at the expense of your own happiness. What are you afraid of? Don't be afraid to want your portion of happiness and seek after it, which will not include the married man. For if truth be told, you tolerate him, make excuses for him while you suffer in silence. Stop suffering and start living... let someone who can devote his affection, time and energy unto you. Release yourself to experience what love ought to be, think about it, you are able to rec'v someone in your life that will concern himself with what makes you happy. You will be his primary focus, and he yours. That is what it is all about. Thinking of the other person in mutual respect, honor, anticipating the need and meeting it. In order for this to happen, you must be ready and willing to stand naked in your heart and mind... take off the mask and confront the image before you... you want someone of your own, someone who will know you and embrace you as you are; however, you are afraid to let this someone in your world. Believe me, the things you make an issue over, he will not, when he see you, spend time with you, he will embrace the ALL of you... good, bad and that which waits in-between. I am concerned that you are taking on something that has nothing to do with you... the state of his marriage at present is a result in both parties present... do not be so gullable to believe that his wife is the trouble maker... take special consideration unto a man that refuses to accept his portion, his accountability as it relates to the health of his marriage. Besides, what can this relationship profit you... anticipation for a better tomorrow when you are required to live for today. I have watch a woman wait on my father for 15years... he never left my mother. I just want you to invest your time wisely... think about your tomorrow truthfully... and reach it by living in the present, allowing each moment to bring your feet where your heart is. Being the chick on the side will play itself out unto the point where you will desire to be the main course... at present he can not give you that; however, there is one who can, if you will only let him in.

Please tell me that you are joking!!
Again, men are not that hard to figure out!
Him giving you a sob story about how unhappy he is, is just that a story, so that you can feel sorry for him and give him sympathy sex. He is at home with his family, whom he loves and has no intention of leaving, for you or his other side women. Go to walmart, buy a backbone, some self esteem, and some coffee so that you can wake up and smell it and even have a cup or two. You are sleeping around with a married man for goodness sakes. What about this is so hard to figure out? He's not leaving home. Stick around and find out the hard way or get on with your life and find your own husband.

Another vote for dumping him... it is very likely that he is using you.

I am going through this same situation expect I am the wife. My husband is in the military and we are separted with a possible divorce. Because I found out he was cheating. We have three children one who is austic. I don't buy his sob story of his wife ******** at him. I can't believe you do. Military wives do understand the scarfice of having a husband in the military. We are prepared and understand the demands of the job. He just feeding you a bunch of lies. You are just a piece of *** to him. If he leaves his wife for you most likely he will do the same to you. What is wrong with people like you two. Don't you understand marriage is a sacried vow. Don't you have any respect for yourself. There are some things you should never do in life and that is to fool around with a married person. I don't feel for you at all. I feel sorry for his wife and three children. I understand marriage doesn't work out all the time, but it shouldn't be because a spouse was unfaithful. So just back off and let this husband and wife work on their issues. Once he has the divorce papers in his hands then you two can **** each other. But if you don't take my advice you should be prepared to face those children and tell them why mommy and daddy are not together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by djmarxus

If you love him and he loves you, then go for it. If the kids like you and you're willing to accept the responsibility of being a stepmom, then follow your heart. Tell him how you feel and about your decision. If he agrees then great and if he doesn't then at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. If he's not happy with his current wife, then they should not be together, even if they have kids. They can share custody of the kids after they've split up. It's better that the kids can see their parents happy, than see them always *****ing at each other. Go for it, because you will regret it if you don't. You know you will.

How old are you and what world are you living in? "OH I AM SO UNHAPPY WITH MY WIFE, MY LIFE IS MISERABLE, WHOA IS ME, CAN WE HAVE SEX NOW?" this guy is feeding you the oldest and the most used and abused line in the cheating married man hand book! Talk is cheap, I bet if you told him to leave his wife right now and the two of you can never sleep together again until he man up, make a decision and leave his wife, you would never hear from him again. Get over this and move on, find some self respect and you will find a man that respects you enough to make you his wife.

If he is cheating on his wife to be with you, what is going to stop him from cheating on you for someone else... you need to think about that... if he will do it once he will do it again and again and again... you need to leave him and let him be... I know you love him and that will be hard, but you need to look away from your feelings for a min. he is MARRIED and with you so therefore he will do it again... thats #1 . #2 how do you know that he doesn't have 2 or 3 different girls he's saying the same thing to? # 3 you are with a man that you know he is sleeping with another woman... his wife... so why would any woman want to share her man with another woman? You deserve better than that. No woman should have to share...

Let me finish this story that Jenlar134 started. He is gone, he left with his wife and children. She found someone new. End of story so you can stop posting answers to this. I know I was there. :o