We're separated since 2008 but we patched up in 2009 for 3 months. From January 2010 we are separated again but I want to patch up because we've got 2 kids and he's having an affair with another woman since February but he accepted an empty shell marriage with me because I kicked him out. I want to win him back and I want him to love me.

Bad news. It likely won't happen. This on again/off again marriage is confusing for the kids, too.

Get the divorce and get some structure for the kids as far as visitations and vacations.

Sorry, but you have nothing to patch up, and it seems he doesn't want to, and you can't make him, so it will never work, and the kids will adjust if you bring stability, and love to their lives, through a structured divorce settlement.

Why do you want to make someone who is unfaithfull love you? He cheated that's low if your hurt and you want him still OK but does he want you is he willing to go to councilling for the sake of your family? Has he apologised or is he OK with his choice? You can not make him love you if love has left your marriage then that's it move on or you will be hurt everyday living with a man who doesn't feel the same about you and then you might have to worry about cheating again

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Originally Posted by O_Troubles

why do you want to make someone who is unfaithfull love you? he cheated thats low if your hurt and you want him still ok but does he want you is he willing to go to councilling for the sake of your family? has he apologised or is he ok with his choice? you can not make him love you if love has left your marriage then thats it move on or you will be hurt everyday living with a man who doesnt feel the same about you and then you might have to worry about cheating again

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O Troubles, please look at this site: Punctuation Guide

It's difficult to read your post. Sorry

You should have stayed separated in 2008.

I presume he still has a girlfriend, and has moved on. If he had stayed and tried to work on the marriage, and you both took counselling together, and worked hard for the sake of your children, things may have been different.

But to want him back at this stage of the game isn't good for you, for your children, or for him.

From what you have written so far, you considered your marriage 'an empty shell', and that's what ended it.

Try to think past the relationship and what is in the best interests of your children. If stability and a stable relationship with dad has to come through every other weekend visits, it is better for them, rather than have dad gone, then dad back, then dad gone, then you pining to have him back again.

If you are having difficulty making up your mind what to do, you might want to consider counselling to help you see where you've come from, and where you need to go.

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. You must learn to let go of this man. True, you want him back, but he's with someone else now.

He might still love you for having his children, but does not love you the way a husband should love the woman he is married to.

Although it hurts, it will only continue to hurt even more if you decide to hang on to a lost dream. Just as he has moved on with his life, you must do the same.

First, consider divorcing him, legally. Then, perhaps you will see your way clear. You will be better off without him.

Just be patient and someone will come into your life that will deserve you and you will deserve him.

Think more of yourself. Remember, you have children to raise. Let your focus be on them, and not that man who doesn't appreciate you. Begin to appreciate and embrace who you are and what you are about. Start living.