I had my daughter when I was 19 and unmarried. The father signed the birth certificate, but moved 2 months after she was born to another state. I asked him once on IM for money, and he yelled at me that I was trying to take all his money. I went to the Dept of Revenue and they helped getting the court order. His wages are garnished now.

Now my daughter is almost 6 years old. She has never met him. A month ago, he said he wants to "be a real dad" to her. About a year ago he got custody of his son and wants to get to know her. I showed my daughter her birth certificate and explained she had a father and a younger half-brother. I had her talk to him on the phone a couple times.

He said he was going to be down here in FL and we agreed to meet Friday that weekend at the zoo. Both my best friend and I took the day off work (he did say it was all right for my friend to come). The next day he said his mom already made plans and he couldn't go that day. I told him I really felt this took priority and it was the only day we could go. He said he could bring his mom to the zoo too. However, his mom has assaulted me in the past and I don't want to be anywhere near her. Also, grandparents have no rights in FL anyway. He agreed and said he'd figure out a way to get there. I offered him a ride and asked him repeatedly who was bringing him. He didn't answer until the day before the scheduled trip and said his cousin was bringing him. The next day, we pull into the parking lot and both him AND his mother are getting out of the car. We left without getting out of the car. Now my daughter doesn't even want to talk to him on the phone or meet him.

The ONLY thing we have court ordered is child support. Does my daughter have to talk to him if she doesn't want to? How much contact can he get if he's living 12 hours away?

Quite frankly you blew it bigtime. And the courts will see you pushed your attitude onto your daughter. Like it or not this is classic alienation. If he goes to court over this he will get visitation and possibly later get increases or even changed completely. You shouldn't have bolted as you were in a public place. Since he is the legal father and he's on the birth certificate he's entitled to the child just as much as you are at this point. This issue should have been settled long ago. You might want to consider filing right away and take your chances with the courts.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

Quite frankly you blew it bigtime. And the courts will see you pushed your attitude onto your daughter. Like it or not this is classic alienation. If he goes to court over this he will get visitation and possibly later get increases or even changed completely. You shouldnt have bolted as you were in a public place. Since he is the legal father and hes on the birth certificate hes entitled to the child just as much as you are at this point. This issue should have been settled long ago. You might want to consider filing right away and take your chances with the courts.

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How did he not violate our agreement since he brought his mom with him? We have nothing on paper saying he can see her at all. He agreed to not bring his mom and he did anyway.

And do you have it on paper that he can't bring his mom? This trip wasn't really about getting to know the child as the zoo is a busy place. A lot of distractions for the child. And since he did bring his mom unless there is a restraining order in place it was perfectly legal to do so. You are the one that fled the scene and quite frankly caused damage to your child's mental welfare. You need to put your feelings aside and start doing what's best for the child. That is what the courts are going to be looking at. But if you choose to refuse then the courts will see that too. Even though he broke away from what he said. You should have followed through. You were in a public place. In that sense you were protected by the environment you were in. You need to go to court and settle things.

Do you have no paper that you have complete physical custody? You said that the only thing you have on paper is support. If he wants visitation all he has to do is go to court. Yes, he will get visitation. You really shouldn't have just taken off like that you were in a public place. Do you have any police reports or any proof of her assulting you? If so then you can bring that to court and at least during times when you are around the grandmother might not be able be there but the grandmother hasn't done anything to the child so I don't see a court not allowing the grandmother to be around the child while she is with her father.

Well, we had a conversation via IM, and I said "this is legally binding, I'm going to keep a copy of it" and he said "so am I" so I feel that we did have it on paper, that's why I chose to do it on the computer. I did tell my daughter that if he brought his family, we would leave because the trip was about her getting to know him and vice versa. I don't understand why he lied to me about this.

I'm not saying I don't want her to see him at all. But I can't deal with trying to decode all his lies. Of course, I am going to call a lawyer on Tuesday.

No custody and visit agreement that are not court ordered are not "binding" it is merely the desires of both of you and can be changed anytime

And yes your actions will go very badly in court

If he hires an attorney and goes to court for legal visitation you may expect

1. agreement that he can see her with supervised visits after perhaps counseling for the child and perhaps he and the child.
*** the person who supervises may be an independent court person, not you.

2. after a periold he will get visits alone with child for several hours at a time

3 after a periold he would get weekend and even some weeks with the child to go to his home


There is almost no way to stop that from happening if he take you to court over it

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

no custody and visit agreement that are not court ordered are not "binding" it is merely the desires of both of you and can be changed anytime

And yes your actions will go very badly in court

If he hires an attorney and goes to court for legal visitation you may expect

1. agreement that he can see her with supervised visits after perhaps couseling for the child and perhaps he and the child.
*** the person who supervises may be an independent court person, not you.

2. after a periold he will get visits alone with child for several hours at a time

3 after a periold he would get weekend and even some weeks with the child to go to his home


There is almost no way to stop that from happening if he take you to court over it

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I feel that our agreement (which was between he and I and not court ordered) was basically void when he brought his mom. Whether the courts will agree, who knows. He agreed to not bring his mom and he did anyway. I don't feel like I should be forced to be around his mom.

I do expect that he will get something. It's more complicated because he lives far away. It's not like he's going to drive down every week for counseling or supervised visitation. I just can't personally handle dealing with him. He refuses to communicate with me, and when he does, all I get are half-truths. Someone (either one of my family members or a court appointed person) will have to help here.

Trying damage control, looks like we're going to meet at the park. Sigh, this entire month has been impossible.

Beware of the courts, they can of course just after a few day meetings allow him weekend visits. They will view his past actions as bad, but when one turns and wants to try and be a parent, the courts will often bend over backwards to allow him visits with his child.

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Originally Posted by elexaish

Well, we had a conversation via IM, and I said "this is legally binding, I'm going to keep a copy of it" and he said "so am I" so I feel that we did have it on paper, that's why I chose to do it on the computer. I did tell my daughter that if he brought his family, we would leave because the trip was about her getting to know him and vice versa. I don't understand why he lied to me about this.

I'm not saying I don't want her to see him at all. But I can't deal with trying to decode all his lies. Of course, I am going to call a lawyer on Tuesday.

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You (and he) can pretty much say whatever you want - that DOESN'T make anything legally binding. It's all about Court Orders.

You are saying it wasn't about him not seeing her. Will the Court believe you? Quite frankly, I doubt it. How do you explain to the child that she can meet HIM but not his family because the meeting is about meeting HIM?

I think if he files for custody or visitation and the parties are interviewed and evaluated you will have a problem.

I trust you have a Police Report and order of protection against his mother?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Beware of the courts, they can of course just after a few day meetings allow him weekend visits. They will view his past actions as bad, but when one turns and wants to try and be a parent, the courts will often bend over backwards to allow him visits with his child.

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How do you get overnights when someone is out of state? He's in TN and we're in FL. It wouldn't be overnights, it would be a week at a time. I'm really not against her having a relationship with him, but decoding all his half-truths and flat out lies is exhausting. That's why I had that conversation with him saying I didn't want his mom there. I mean, you let him have one lie, he'll take the rest. I don't know, we're meeting in half an hour, hopefully that won't make me look like I'm trying to be a mean old troll - which I'm not. I just don't know how to deal with his lies. Sigh.

Again do you have any proof of the assult against you? More than just myself asked that and you have yet to anwer. It would be over nights like weekends it doesn't have to be an entire week at a time. I do realize FL and TN aren't exactly neighbors. I've made the drive from the very northern tip of IN (where I grew up) to FL three different times believe me I know the drive takes a while. At least the two of you are only FL to TN. I do hope this visit went a whole heck of a lot better than the last one because if you screw it up again you are going to be even worse off. Also, as said it really doesn't matter what you feel should or shouldn't be legally binding there are plenty of contract laws that will spell out loud and clear what is and isn't legally binding.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You (and he) can pretty much say whatever you want - that DOESN'T make anything legally binding. It's all about Court Orders.

You are saying it wasn't about him not seeing her. Will the Court believe you? Quite frankly, I doubt it. How do you explain to the child that she can meet HIM but not his family because the meeting is about meeting HIM?

I think if he files for custody or visitation and the parties are interviewed and evaluated you will have a problem.

I trust you have a Police Report and order of protection against his mother?

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Virtual Greenie. Out of the other ones. Couldn't agree more!!