My boyfriend of a year broke up with me 5 days ago. I am 22 he is 23. He has a bad temper (not being abusive or anything) in that he says things when he's angry that he doesn't mean and regrets them later. He has told me this himself (however its my only flaw with him) He broke up with me in a harsh way through an email since he was angry due to a fight. This isn’t uncommon, whenever we fight he doesn’t want to see me/hear my voice and does it through text/email because itss easier I guess.

However, whenever we were at school we resolved things quickly in person. But this time it was long distance. We both just graduated 2 weeks ago from the same college and moved back to our home towns so we are 3 hrs apart... I am going to be 30 minutes from him in the fall though when I start graduate school and the day before we graduated we discussed being together and had discussed this since November.

The day before we fought I went to his house 3 hrs away and everything seemed perfectly fine. I'm very sensitive to that stuff so I am sure of that, if things seemed off I would have noticed. But when we fought and broke up the next day (he did it through an email) I called him too much (he never answered) and sent him too many emails saying I missed him and to please stay with me and such which pissed him off even more. He replied in a mean way then eventually we exchanged a long chain of heated emails filled with insults.

I have been absolutely devastated. I haven’t eaten a full meal since then and haven’t slept at all and I feel nauseous all the time. Ive been bawling my eyes out at least twice a day. Today I did it during my lunch break at work. I felt fine then it hit me all of a sudden.

Last night, after I calmed down I sent him an email saying I am sorry and that I have thought about the relationship and how to fix it (figuring out what makes him mad and such but I don’t want to go into too much detail here since it would take a lot of space) I also said to please give me another chance when he calms down after some time. I know he checks his email right away since he has a Smart phone and it notifies him so its like texting. After 30 minutes I did somethingimpulsively stupid and logged into his email. He gave me the password like 6 months ago but I have never done this before and I didn’t look through anything. However I clicked on my email and saw he wrote a draft email (hadn’t hit send yet) in reply to me saying things like:
"he was sorry things didnt work out"
"i never loved you I should have dumped you earlier"
"be strong you have a good heart and you're a great girl with a a great sense of humor"
"we are done"
"#### you for *doing this to me*" (referring to something from the fight)
I thought it was weird at first he was so bipolar in it…but maybe he just feels sorry for me since I’m obviously upset and begging to stay together?
The cussing doesn't bother me... he always say * * * * when he's pissed off. In the past he would say that when he's angry and be like I love I love you the next day.


Now the even worse part is I feel like a loser because I saw this response and logged back into my email and quickly wrote and sent several short emails responding to things he said in the draft. I think he doesn’t read everything in long emails so I sent a few emails in a row with a paragraph in each.
10 minutes later he hadn’t replied so I logged back into his email and saw he had clicked on all my emails and obviously read them. But he never hit send on the draft. Before I went to bed I checked his email again and it still said “draft” and not “sent” I was wondering if he just forgot to hit send so then I deleted his draft. I didn’t do this to try to trick him, I wanted him to see he hadn’t hit send and wanted to see if he’d retype the draft and actually send it to me. Today though I have no reply though so I guess he never did.

He created a draft and was about to hit send and then read all my reply emails…and still didn't send this email... I know it was stalkerish of me to keep checking and to eventually delete it. I am never going to go into his email again because that was a serious violation of privacy and I really regret it. He may have not hit send cause he forgot to but I feel like eventually he would have noticed he didn’t send me a response and would have sent it... does him not sending it mean he is not completely sure? I know Im grasping at straws here. In a way Im glad I saw the draft because he probably did mean it and its what I near it hear for it to sink in its truly over.

Has anyone ever said harsh words like that and come back later down the road?

I know I need to go no contact…but I want him to come back to me so badly. Maybe I should wait a few months and when I start graduate school in Sept and I am near him…send him an email saying Ive been working on myself and I want to try again? (He doesn’t answer calls usually unless it was me or his parents)

There are better guys out there. It seems really bad right now but I promise things will get better if you move on. You don't deserve this and you do deservce much more and its out there.

I think you need to stay out of his e-mail box and leave him alone.
Whether he is bi-polar or just being honest, what he said should be enough to make you want to walk away.
Why would you want to give this guy another chance? He has given you no indication that he even wants one.

It takes two to tango, and the two of you are at eachothers throats when you send hurtful email exchanging insults, hack his email, then hope that you get back together again.

What do you think would be different if the two of you got back together again?

Regardless of how you came to know his thoughts in a draft email that he had not sent, it is pretty clear that it is over.

I take it that he still has not responded to anything you had to say.

You would do well to respect his privacy, and I hope he changes his password. As you should too.

My advice is to stop grasping at straws, and wondering whether he is going to hit 'send'. You already have your answer.

While it hurts now, in time you will get over this, as millions upon millions do every day. Relationships break up, and once that happens, you have to accept it is over and move on.

There has been no effort on his part to re-kindle the relationship; I think it is time for you to let go.

It was no mistake he didn't hit send, and its not your business. What is your business is, to take a hint, and leave him alone, and in time you will see that what you're trying so desperately to hold on to is, not worth your dignity, or self respect at all, and the action you have taken to hold on to him, are unacceptable, and not healthy at all.

You are correct though, that No Contact is your way to get through this, and get healthy, and heal. It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but the best thing you can do for yourself. It will hurt, but the hurt will heal.

See how you feel in 6 months, after you have rebuilt your life, and are happy with who you are, without him.

Why do you think so little of yourself as to be treated with such disrespect?

You say : " He has a bad temper (not being abusive or anything)"

Well, it is a form of abuse for him to be saying hateful things to you. And what's next? People that have short fuses usually get worse with time. Can you imagine this guy with children? I can tell you firsthand that children try your patience.

Let's say that you do work this out. And you two have children. How is he going to be with them?

No, I wouldn't give him a second thought. Let him go live his selfish life, and you go out and find you a REAL MAN who knows how to treat a lady.

Never be treated less than you deserve to be.

Time will make this all better. I promise.

And yes, it is against the "rules" of privacy to be hacking into his e-mail account. Even if you do have his password.

Maybe you should consider counseling. Work on yourself esteem.

Good luck to you.